Page 67 of Breathing Under Water

He’s dressed in his work clothes: khakis and a lavender button-down, sleeves rolled as usual. It’s sweet he came here straight from work, but still, I look accusingly from Leo to Phil, trying to figure out who snitched.

“Dad texted me. And before you say you can’t take the job because you have too many other responsibilities, I’m here to help you see why that’s not true.”

“You don’t have to give a whole PowerPoint. I already said yes.”

“You did?” Harrison sounds so surprised that I almost cringe. I hate that he doesn’t have faith in me to do anything other than worry.

“How am I supposed to convince you to start that restaurant you’ve been dreaming of if I won’t follow dreams of my own?”

“Leo has convinced you he’ll survive without you at his beck and call?”

Before I can answer, Leo tells Harrison, “You shouldn’t say ‘beck and call’ because it might confuse people who call you Beck. Beck is at your beck and call. What is a beck anyway? We should look that up.” He starts pulling his phone from his pocket, and Phil and I say nearly in unison, “Not at the table.”

After shoving the phone away, he tells Harrison, “Mom can stay at work as long as she wants. I’m going to be busy too. Starting Monday.”

“Something heating up at the Y?” Harrison asks.

“The Y is the same temperature it’s always been,” Leo answers, and Harrison has to correct himself.

“What I meant by that expression was to ask whether there’s something new and exciting happening at the Y that’s going to take up a lot of your time.”

“Oh, so ‘heating up’ is a metaphor for something new and exciting.” Leo processes this information, and from the way he nods, he seems to be tucking the information into a file folder to remember. Then he says, “What’s heating up is that I got a job as a teaching assistant.”

Harrison glances at me and then back to Leo. “More swimming?” he asks, a note of caution in his voice.

“No, I’m working at STEM Wunderkinds.Wunderkindis a German word that means wonder child, but people use it to describe kids who are very smart or who do something very impressive.”

“Oh, so you’re a wunderkind?” Harrison’s lip ticks up as he teases his brother.

Leo thinks this is very funny and starts bouncing slightly the way he does when he laughs. “Ha, no, I’m not a wunderkind. I’m helping to teach the wunderkinds!”

“That’s great, man,” Harrison says in the easy way he has with Leo. “I’m so glad, but just wondering, what changed your mind about going to a new class?” Harrison had been leading the charge trying to get Leo to join a new activity. I hope he’s not hurt he wasn’t the one who ultimately convinced his younger brother to put himself out there again.

Leo’s eyes shoot to me, and for a moment, I think he’s picking up on Harrison’s bruised feelings, looking to me for assistance, but I know the nuance of the situation is too subtle forhim to note. It’s something else, almost as if he doesn’t want me to know why he decided to join the robotics class.

“I want to be a teacher one day, so I have to keep practicing,” Leo tells Harrison. “And Mom gave me permission to use rideshares, so I can go by myself.”

Harrison raises his eyebrows, clearly impressed by these new developments.

“They’re going to pay him too,” Phil adds, reaching across the table for the bowl of rice and scooping out another helping.

“I still don’t know what convinced you, babe, but I’m so glad you made this choice,” I tell Leo. His new job means he’ll have more to occupy him while I’m busy at work, and also, it’s evidence that my sweet son is really getting ready to put himself out into the world. It would seem to many people like such a small thing, the decision to take a part-time job, to earn some money and build a résumé, but it’s so much bigger.

Harrison pulls out the empty chair at the table, drops into the seat, and says to Leo, “I’m glad you’re doing something that’ll help you achieve your dreams.” He looks pointedly at me. “It’s good to listen to people when they try to convince you to do something that’s actually good for you, right?”

And then I see it again, a look on Leo’s face almost like panic. His eyes dart back toward mine again, and he says, “Once you’re old enough to make your own decisions, you should do what makes you happy.”

He’s parroting my own words back to me, but listening to them now, I feel as if someone has just touched an ice cube to the back of my neck. Just what is Leo trying to justify?

33

McKenna

November 2023

I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep when I feel somebody shaking me. I open my eyes reluctantly and find some girl around my age standing over me. It takes a couple of seconds, but then I recognize her from my nutrition class. I’m on the couch in the second-floor lounge of Monroe Hall, where I’ve spent the last six nights curled up on various pieces of furniture. It’s not so hard getting into the building, and it’s a lot more comfortable than sleeping at the desks in the library. Nobody’s given me trouble for setting myself up here. It’s a big dorm, and people wouldn’t necessarily know I’m not one of the residents. I’ve been making sure to get out early in the mornings, hoping others assume I just passed out studying or something. And it’s been working pretty well. Except now I’ve got this girl, Mandy or Mindy or something, probably coming to mess it up for me.

I sit up on the little loveseat and push my hair out of my eyes.