Page 16 of Hold Fast

CHAPTER7

Snow fell, sifting softly through the canopy of trees. They’d ridden through the afternoon, Greer trotting quietly beside them, only stopping once so he could relieve himself. He’d asked Una if she needed to see to similar business, but she had stubbornly clung to the pommel and said, “If I get off this horse, you willnae get me back on it.”

He’d hoped to be able to ride straight for home and arrive that evening. But finding Una had been a task, as had convincing her not to kill him. And then she’d been so damned afraid of the horse. But she hadn’t vomited until he’d mounted behind her in the saddle, a fact that had rankled him all day.

The day had not gone to plan, although whathadgone to plan in his life the last few years? His father had died, years before he was meant to, Ewan had been thrust into leadership he didn’t feel prepared for, and now Conner might be dying.

They would not reach his home tonight. It would be dark before long, and while that was dangerous enough, he’d ridden through the night before to find the Cameron healer. The horse was tiring, having gone without meaningful rest.Hewas tiring, having gone without it as well. And the snow made riding at night treacherous. He needed to find a place to stop for the night before the dark swallowed them whole.

Una would not be happy, but she could join him in that sentiment.

Ewan remembered passing a cave on his way early that morning. It wasn’t especially deep, but it was wide enough to accommodate a horse, a dog, and two people, and shelter them from the snow. If memory served, they were getting close.

He glanced down at the hooded figure in front of him. Sometime in the afternoon, he’d grown tired of watching her stubbornly shiver and had rummaged in her bag for a heavy cloak, draping it over her shoulders. No doubt she hadn’t expected to need it traveling on foot and working up a sweat. But the wind was biting, and she wasn’t exerting enough to keep her warm.

Hecould have kept her warmer, but given how she flinched and tensed every time he shifted in the saddle behind her, he didn’t imagine that wrapping his arms around her to share body heat would be welcomed.

There would have been nothing behind it. Ewan didn’t have any interest in seducing the woman who would hold his brother’s life in her hands. He didn’t have any interest in seduction, period, if he was honest. It was a luxury he couldn’t afford, even if the price was loneliness.

After his mother died delivering the twins, Ewan had watched his father turn into a hollow shell. In a world where marriage was a tool to establish or solidify alliances, his parents had been truly blessed to find love with one another along the way. The late laird had gone through the motions of life after, but certainly hadn’t done anything that remotely resembled living. And then one night, his life had been snuffed out like a candle while he slept, leaving Ewan with yet more howling grief, but also the mantle of responsibility for hundreds.

It was true that, as laird, the burden of expectation surrounding an heir was heavy indeed. But he had four brothers, all of whom he genuinely liked and trusted. Let one of them be laird when he was gone.

He had no desire to feel the sort of shattered heart that had slowly bled his father’s spirit dry until there had been nothing left. He could bear no more pain. He could bear no more loss. And so he’d found himself guarding his family like a broody hen, keeping them close where he could protect them. The worry was constant and consuming already, but now,now, Connor lay on the brink.

Yet another failure on his part. He should have found a new healer immediately. He should have told Connor to stay home. Or, barring that, he should have kept a closer eye on him during the hunt. Failures were collecting around his feet like kindling.

The sun wrestled with the craggy horizon, just visible through the trees over his left shoulder. He tightened his grip on the reins, feeling the leather flex in his hands. The muscles of his torso were sore from holding himself upright and away from Una. Well, as away as one could be with their hips crushed together into a saddle. Through the gloaming, he glimpsed the cave in the distance.

Ewan leaned as forward as he could without pressing his chest against her. “Do you see that cave ahead? We must stop there for the night.”

She sat as straight as a caber. “You told me we would make for your home with all haste. That we wouldnae be stopping.”

He sighed, his breath sending forth a cloud of white that wreathed her hood. “Aye. We’ve made good time. But we were… delayed.” Before she could protest, he continued. “I cannae risk the horse on this path in a snowstorm with nae moon. He’s tired and willnae be as surefooted as he would be rested. It would be dangerous for us all.”

He heard the shuddering sound of her breath. “I understand.”

There was still enough light that he could see her hands trembling as she took down the hood of her cloak. Then there was the set of her body, even more rigid than before. Next to them, Greer whined, looking up at her mistress with obvious concern.

Understanding dawned, and with it, horror. The vomiting, the way she’d held herself as straight as the sword at his side. Una was afraid ofhim.Not the horse any longer.Him.

“I meant what I said, Una. I willnae allow any harm to come to you.”

Her silence was an answer.

“I swear it, Una. AndIwillnae harm you.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

They rode in silence until they reached the cave. Ewan swung down from the horse and reached up to help her dismount, but she did not relinquish her tight grip on the pommel. Her breaths were coming faster again, the panic rising.

“Una,” he said softly. “Let me help you off the horse, and then I willnae touch you again. I’ll give you my weapons. All of them.”

That seemed to settle her slightly. She turned and looked down at him.

“I know all the best places to stick a dirk, Ewan,” she said.

“I dinnae doubt that, Una,” he said with an unbidden smile. “I dinnae doubt that at all.”