Page 103 of Silver Angel

“No, I couldn’t,” he snapped back.

“Why? No, don’t answer that. You love her, don’t you?”

“Of course I love her! I’ve known her most of my life!”

“What has that to do with it?”

“What has—” he started to shout, but thought better of it, lowering his tone to a persuasive level. “The point is, this has nothing to do with us, Shahar.”

“Don’t call me that! Your brother gave me that name and I always hated it. And there is no ‘us,’ my lord, nor will there be if you marry your Duke’s daughter.”

“You expected me to marry you?”

“After you said you were taking me home with you, yes, I suppose the thought did cross my mind!”

He stared at her for a long moment. “Then I’m sorry, but that wasn’t the arrangement I had in mind.”

Chantelle’s eyes flared wide as it dawned on her what hedidhave in mind. “You wanted me to be yourmistress?”

“You needn’t say it like that. A mistress is perfectly respectable these days.”

“That’s the best I can hope for, is that it? You ruin me for a decent marriage, then hope to benefit—” It hit her suddenly what she was saying, and her eyes flared even wider. “My God, you were in a position to…you could have obtained my freedom without…you bloody bastard! You didn’t have to make love to me. You could have left me untouched as you did Jamila.”

“That wouldn’t have gotten you your freedom, Shahar.”

“Don’t—call—me—that! And don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying. Jamil owned you. You got your freedom as a reward for helping him. Otherwise, he was within his rights to keep you.”

“He never wanted me. He bought me for you. He would have let me go if you had asked him. All you had to do was ask him. He was your brother, for God’s sake. Don’t you dare tell me he would have denied you anything after you had traveled all that way and risked your life for his sake!”

“Perhaps not, but I couldn’t take the chance. I couldn’t see you buried in that harem forever, just one of so many women, especially when his love was already taken. I thought at first to insist you be married to a man with no other wives. I felt you deserved to at least be a firstkadine. But that couldn’t be arranged unless I bedded you first.”

“If you’re trying to tell me you did it for my sake, I’ll—I’ll—”

“All right!” he angrily interrupted her sputtering. “That was just an excuse to salve my conscience. The plain truth is I couldn’t leave you alone. I wanted you too much and I still do. And, by God, youaregoing home with me, woman. I’m keeping you, one way or another. If I have to turn this ship around and live out the rest of my days in Barikah so I can keep you locked in a harem, I’ll do it.”

“I won’t be your mistress!” she screamed at him as he stalked out the door. She got no reply other than the key turning in the lock. “I won’t,” she added softly for her own benefit. And then she started to cry.

Chapter Forty-nine

In the end, Chantelle did let Derek take her to the Huntstable estate with him, but only because she had finally recalled the dilemma she had left behind in England. It wasnotthat she had agreed to be his mistress, though he steadily worked on changing her mind. It was simply that he could help her locate Aunt Ellen and assess the current situation much easier than she could, and he owed her that much.

He wasn’t too happy about learning who her father had been, especially when he learned his grandfather had been acquainted with him. Nor did he listen to the rest of her story calmly. That he was angry for her sake surprised her. That he agreed to help her without having to be coerced into it surprised her even more.

She met Caroline the first day of their arrival. It was an uncomfortable ordeal in every way. Even the new clothes that Derek had purchased for her in Dover didn’t give Chantelle the confidence to face up to this beautiful, and splendidly attired, woman. She was wearing plain blue linen. Caroline was adorned in Chinese red silk.

The seamstress who had relinquished the two already finished outfits that needed only a few minor adjustments to fit Chantelle was upstairs waiting to fit her for the complete wardrobe she had agreed to let Derek order for her, but that didn’t help her now. Seeing Caroline and Derek together was like watching long-lost friends reunited. They didn’t seem at all like lovers, yet Chantelle still hurt to see that Derek really did have true feelings for this woman.

What he told Caroline about her after their brief introduction, she didn’t know. She didn’t care to stay and watch this reunion any longer than she had to, and quietly slipped away unnoticed—or thought she did.

Derek watched her leave but didn’t try to stop her. Seeing her with Caroline, he was more confused than ever, and he had been in a state of continuous confusion where his feelings were concerned ever since he had had the expected row with Chantelle on the ship.

He was glad to see Caro, delighted in fact, having missed their special closeness. He very nearly blurted out his dilemma with Chantelle, as he would have done before their engagement, to ask her advice. It was then that it hit him, the differences in his feelings for the two women. He loved Caroline. He adored her. She would make an ideal wife in every way but one, and it was that one factor that he had never considered before. He had no real desire to bed her. He could do it if he had to, but the simple truth was he would rather not.

Christ, how had he missed it before? They weretooclose, more like siblings. In fact, what he felt for her, he now realized, was distinctly brotherly.

What he felt for Chantelle, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. He couldn’t keep his hands off her. She exasperated him, frustrated him, made him crazy. She also fired his desire with just a look or a touch. He not only wanted her in his bed, he would be perfectly happy if she never left it.