Page 168 of The Exit Strategy

Nolan doesn’t ask me to explain. Hudson has undoubtedly done that.

And he doesn’t raise his voice, but I hang on his every word when he speaks.

“Hudson said you’ve been paying Natalie to keep a whole lot of Junie’s shit private. Then Junie called to tell me that she’d sent an email that will end Natalie’s career. Justice, she’d called it. Not once did she mention the blowback that would hit her on the tails of Grace’s betrayal. I’m honestly not even sure if she thought about the repercussions to herself—she just wanted Natalie and our parents to pay for their crimes, not you.”

I close my eyes. Junie really didn’t choose spite. She chose me.

“I sat in the airport lounge and tried to figure out which one of you I was angrier at, and honestly, I couldn’t decide. I’m so angry at the both of you for different reasons. Junie should’ve told us what Natalie was doing all those years ago. You should’ve told us the instant she tried to blackmail you. Junie, Hud, and Fen told me all of this, but I got nothing from you. Not even a text. For fuck’s sake, Cole. My parents set this in motion. Junie’s my sister. If anyone should’ve been protecting her, it should’ve been me.”

“Nol—”

“So I got on a plane. And on the way here, I had a lot of time to think. About Junie. About you. About the past six years and every moment I knew something was wrong but never pushed. About every time I let you tell me you were fine. About every time she looked sad when she thought no one was watching. All of it.”

He turns to me with all the pain that secrets can cause etched deeply into his expression. “And I decided that I forgive you, Cole.”

His words land in my chest like a live grenade.

“You had your reasons for doing the stupid shit you did. For the record, I don’t agree. You gave us all a future at the expense of your own, and that’s…it wasn’t your decision to make, but I understand why you did it, and I’m not your judge. But the silent savior bullshit is over—now you let us in and we fix it together.” He glances at Junie’s window. “All of it.”

“Just like that?” I ask.

“No, not just like that,” he barks. “It’s a decision I had to make, and I did it because I love you, but more importantly, I know how much you love her.”

“I do, but?—”

“You broke my trust. I love you, but I don’t know if I can like you for a while. My parents fucked us all. My own mother said horrible shit no child should ever, ever hear. They fucked with Junie.My sister, Cole.

“Not that long ago, I practically gave you permission to love her, and I do believe that you do, but you also, in a fucked-up way, hung on to the two people who hurt her even more than Grace.”

He runs his hands roughly down his thighs. “And you allowed Junie to walk into that ballroom last night unprepared. You basically walked her straight into an ambush, and that’s not protection, that’s trying to cover your mistakes and hoping no one gets hurt. But Junie did. She was hurt by Natalie, embarrassed by you, and worst of all, when push came to shove, you chose to protect Natalie, not Junie.”

My eyes are so hot, I expect them to overflow at any moment.

“Junie needs time, Cole. I need time. My mother…fuck, my own parents!” He runs his hands over his thighs again like a nervous tick. “And I have to figure out what kind of brother I can be to you right now. Not whether, what kind. I’ll always be your family, but now the shape of us has changed, and Junie comes first. Too many people have failed at that—putting her first—me included.”

“I—”

“I believe you thought you were putting her first. Hell, you put all of us first, Cole, but you pushed us all away in order to do it.” He stands and stares back at her apartment. “She needed you then, but now she needs someone who will lift her up, not someone who will babyproof her path.”

Nolan walks down my stairs.

“She’s stronger than any of us ever gave her credit for,” he says. “I’m—I’m going to go see her now.”

My foot slides to the step below.

“You’re not coming with me.”

“I—I just want to know if she’s okay.”

“I’ll let you know.”

I sit motionless as he climbs the steps to Junie’s apartment. He knocks, and the door opens. Then the silhouette of my friend disappears into the apartment of the woman my silence broke last night. The door closes behind him while I sink back into the darkness.

I have no plan.

I’ve been told I’m loved.

That I’m a coward.