Page 11 of A Major Love

“How do you know when you haven’t seen him in years? Time and therapy have helped you heal in many ways. Maybe seeing him again will allow you to heal completely.”

“Or put me back in therapy.”

“You probably shouldn’t have stopped going in the first place. Listen, I know the way things ended between you two broke your heart, but even if you don’t agree to do the memoir, I think it’s time for you to get a few things off your chest. You’restill harboring a lot of feelings, and if you don’t deal with them, every relationship you have will be affected.”

She wasn’t wrong, because the pent-up anger, hurt, disappointment, resentment, and sadness I had about the demise of my relationship with Major were probably why it took me so long to take another man seriously.

“Jordan told me I needed to grow up and that I was emotionally unavailable.”

“What? I mean, he’s probably right about you being emotionally unavailable, but you’ve always been mature for your age. What made him say that?”

“He wants me to move in with him, and I told him I wasn’t interested.”

“Hold on. Did this just happen last night, because we talk every day, and you haven’t mentioned it?”

“No. It’s been a couple of weeks since he asked, but only a few days since I gave him an answer. There was no reason to mention it because I declined his offer.”

“I guess y’all have been dating for a while. The next logical step would be to live together unless you want him to propose first.”

“Eww, hell no, Ma. Oh shoot, my bad, but no. I don’t want him to propose.”

“Did you really say ‘eww’ in response to your boyfriend of almost two years proposing?”

“I don’t want to marry him.”

“Of course you don’t, because you’re still in love with Major. Dynastie, I don’t know what you plan to do with your personal life anymore. Don’t get me wrong; there’s a lot more to life than marriage and children, but there was a time when you talked about wanting both, with Major, I might add, and I can’t remember the last time you mentioned either.”

The only person I’d ever wanted to marry and create life with was Major, and the thought of building a life with someone else didn’t appeal to me.

“I know, Ma. Things changed, and I had to change with them.”

“Things did change, sweetheart, but I’m willing to bet Major’s feelings for you haven’t changed.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Is he still depositing money into your account every month?”

“Yes.”

“Birthdays and special occasions too?”

“Yes, Ma.”

Major had been depositing money into my bank account since he won his first large purse. It started in small increments of five hundred dollars each month and increased as he made more money.

When we stopped communicating, I was sure the money would stop as well, but like clockwork, on the fifteenth of each month, I received a deposit from ML Management.

The amount was capped at six thousand dollars per month about two years ago, but he never missed a deposit, and on my birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and the anniversary of our first official date, he deposited varying amounts.

Early on, a brief moment of insanity almost had me returning every dime he’d given me, but thankfully, it didn’t last long, and my mother would’ve talked me out of it had I considered it any longer than I did.

“If Major didn’t love you, do you think he’d still be giving you his hard-earned money so freely?”

“Major has a big heart, so he probably would.”

“You keep thinking that, but back to Jordan. You need to stop leading him on. I know you don’t love him, and?—”

“He doesn’t love me either, so why does that matter?”