Page 6 of A Thousand Second Chances

Percy’s eyes flare with his first hint of defiance. “Come on, Chris, that’s not fair. You could’ve reached out to me yourself at any time.”

“I did!Or have you forgotten those dozen messages you ignored over winter break? How about the missed calls?” Percy’s guilty expression is all the answer I need. I squeeze my arms tight about my chest as if that’ll somehow stop the pieces of my long-shattered heart from tumbling out. “You made it perfectly clear how much I mattered to you. Not enough to be there when I needed you. Not enough to keep your word. Andcertainlynot enough to put everything on the line like I did so we could finally be—”

Percy’s eyes widen, his face going pale, and I catch myself before I give away more than I already have. Quinn is staring at us, and though we’re mostly alone up here on the upper deck, anyone from school could be listening in. Not that they’re likely to give a shit, but still—judging by Percy’s reaction, he’s still firmly in the closet, and I’d be the last person to out someone against their will, no matter how furious I am at them.

Percy takes a deep breath. “Chris…”

His hand twitches like he wants to reach for me, and it’s all suddenly too much. This conversation. This trip. My whole fucking life. My anger fades as quickly as it came, leaving me hollow. I turn my back on Percy to stare out over the dark expanse of sky beyond the ferry’s bow. “I think you should go.”

“Please, if you’d just let me—”

“Now.”

Percy doesn’t speak. I don’t turn. Eventually, I hear the scuff of his shoes on the wood as he walks away. I wait until the sound fades to tentatively peer back. Percy’s still on the upper level, but he’s put as much space between us as he can, slumping against the front rail.

Seeing him sitting there by himself, looking so morose, sends an instinctive jolt of sympathy through me. I quickly snuff it out. If he’s lonely, he has only himself to blame. I’d have been there for him in a heartbeat if he hadn’t done his best two years ago to push me away, abandoning me when I needed him most.

I plop down into my seat and bury my face in my hands. God, what a fun vacation this has turned out to be. And we haven’t even reached the damn island yet!

Quinn shifts beside me, and I feel a hand pat my leg. “So, want to talk about it?”

“No.” My voice comes out muffled, but from her quiet snort, I assume she heard.

“Okay.” She’s quiet for a moment. She leaves her hand on my leg though, and I appreciate the touch—the human connection. It tethers me to the real world when I otherwise feel so incredibly unmoored, like I might float away and lose myself in the night sky.

“I take it you two have history?” she tries again after a time.

I sigh and lower my hands, tipping my head back. “You could say that. We went to the same high school before heading off to college together. Until winter break our freshman year, he was my best friend.”

Best friend…and so much more.

“And then?” Quinn presses.

Scowling, I shrug her hand off my knee. “And then, he wasn’t.”

To Quinn’s credit, she doesn’t push, though I know it’s only a temporary reprieve. I love Quinn, but she’s one of the nosiest people I’ve ever met. She might be willing to cut me some slack when I’m clearly at my most emotionally vulnerable, but she’s not the type to let things go.

Not that I’m doing much better at letting things go. The ferry ride to Mackinac Island only takes about twenty minutes, but it feels like hours. I spend the entire time huddled against the cold, barely listening to Quinn’s half-hearted attempts at conversation as I fight the almost irresistible urge to glance at Percy.

I’d meant it when I told him to leave me alone—after how much heartache he’s caused me, I have zero interest in reconnecting. He can keep his sorry excuses and shove his fucking cordialness up his ass for all I care becauseIwant nothing to do with itorwith him.

And yet…

This is the closest we’ve been in so long, and I can’t help but wonder what the last two years have been like for him. Has hebeen as miserable as I have? Does he ever lay awake at night, racked with regret over how everything turned out?

Doubtful—not with his perfect parents and his perfect life. I used to think that life could include me, but I’d been wrong. In the end, he hadn’t wanted that future as badly as I did, andthatis a betrayal I can never forgive.

four

Percy

So much for lettingbygones be bygones.

When the ferry pulls up to the dock at Mackinac Island, I feel like I should be excited or nervous. This is the moment I’ve been dreading for weeks—my first steps back onto the island sanctuary from my childhood. Instead, all I feel is numb.

Every time I close my eyes, I picture how Chris looked at me—his sharp features twisted by a contemptuous rage undergirded with so much pain it makes me want to weep. God, what did I expect approaching him like that? No matter my reasons, I’d clearly hurt him as badly as I’d hurt myself.

I should have left well enough alone. We could have pretended we didn’t know each other and survived the trip by giving each other a wide berth. That probably would’ve been a lot easier for both of us. But no—I’d seen him sitting there and let misplaced hope cloud my judgment. And just like before, I’d screwed everything up.