Page 23 of See You in Your Dreams

Maybe that’s why I’d made the colossally stupid decision to invite Harvey over. We’d hooked up a couple times before in my car or at his place, but that night was the first time I’d risked having him over. I’d felt like I was coming out of my skin all week and had been desperate for a release.

Plus, I genuinely liked Harvey. And not just for his ripped abs or the sexy way his blond surfer hair flopped over his face. He was…maybe not the smartest guy ever, but kind. Thoughtful. The sort of guy who’d check in on you if you seemed down ormake you laugh with his corny jokes. I’d been closed off from the rest of the world for years by then, and it felt nice to let someone in, even if only through the cracks.

Sort of like Dylan.

The Ellingtons wouldn’t be home until late thanks to some charity event, so I’d convinced myself the risks were minimal. I’d have Harvey over, enjoy our time together, and then send him on his way with them being none the wiser. Except sex had turned into snuggling, which turned into him begging me to watch a movie, and somehow, despite knowing the potential costs all the way down to my core, I’d let myself fall asleep.

It shouldn’t be so bad, right—falling asleep next to your pseudo-boyfriend? I mean, sure, it’s not ideal when there’s a decent chance your homophobic grandparents will catch you in the morning. But even that, I might’ve been able to handle.

No, my most egregious mistake that night wasn’t falling asleep snuggled up beside Harvey. It was failing to take my sleeping pills before I did it.

The thing about shared nightmares is they have a way of feeding off each other. Your negative emotions color the other person’s while their darkening thoughts seep into yours in turn. On and on it goes, forging a perverse feedback loop from your interwoven misery and woe.

I don’t know what Harvey saw that night, trapped in an endless nightmare from which he couldn’t escape. But I know whatIsaw(Mom’s slack, lifeless face, her huddled form lying in a bed streaked with fractured sunlight),and that was horrific enough.

When I finally broke us free the next morning, I awoke to a terrified Harvey wailing at the top of his lungs. He was paler than I’d ever seen him, his eyes wide and panicked. I tried to reach for him, but he jerked away like my touch was poison. Like the thought of being near me another second physicallypained him. That’s how the Ellingtons found us—half-dressed on opposite ends of my bedroom, with him sobbing into his palms.

The whirlwind that followed and ultimately deposited me here on Aunt Claudette’s doorstep is a singular blur for me now—one long stream of suck. What really haunts me, though, when I lie awake at night waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in, is the look on Harvey’s face as the Ellingtons led him away. It wasn’t fear or sorrow or confusion I saw there. It wasn’t even anger. It was a hollow emptiness. As if I had broken something irreparable within him.

It reminded me of my mom’s face near the end. I never even got the chance to make sure he was okay. That he didn’t do something drastic like Mom did.

Gradually, the memories fade, my panic receding enough for me to wrangle my breathing back under control. Even as the fear fades, however, it leaves a molten lump behind, burning in the center of my chest.

Onyx might not be a bad omen and Dylan almost certainly hadn’t meant anything by the name. But that doesn’t change things. I’m already cursed, bad omen or not. Letting Dylan in will only lead to another person getting hurt.

Clearly, I lack the mental fortitude to stay away from him completely and continue resisting his overtures to become friends. But that doesn’t mean I can let down my walls entirely either. No repeats of Harvey. Just school pals who occasionally hang out together.

Because no matter what Dylan thinks about my aunt’s profession or how interested he is in tarot cards, that’s only because he believes it isn’t real. That it can’t hurt him. If he knew what I can do—what Ihavedone—he wouldn’t be intrigued.

He’d be terrified.

ten

Dylan

OfcoursePatrick picks today to spill cereal all over himself. It shouldn’t have been a big deal—just a quick shower and change of clothes. Except that he’d forgotten about his algebra homework and was desperately trying to scribble down the solutions while he ate.

Clothes might be easy to change. Math homework—not so much. Especially when his teacher already has it out for him.

By the time he’d gotten cleaned up and I’d helped him salvage as much of his homework as I could, he’d missed his usual bus, so I had to walk him to school. Hence why I’m now twenty minutes late for a history test I definitely didn’t study hard enough for last night.

For an instant, the sheer chaos of my life threatens to overwhelm me, and I fight the urge to curl into a ball. But that wouldn’t help anyone. My family’s counting on me to keep it together. And if it seems unfair, well…life’s not fair. I learned that harsh lesson the day Dad left us high and dry.

Banton High is eerily silent with classes already in session. Thankfully, no one harasses me in the hall as I quietly slip inside my history class, praying somehow Mr. Redburn won’t notice. Of course, that proves a feeble wish.

“Good of you to join us, Dylan,” Mr. Redburn says, his bushy eyebrows twitching. He’s not the sort to get mad, but I sense the disappointment emanating from him in waves.

I slouch to my empty seat, ducking my head in embarrassment. “Sorry,” I say as I slump onto the cold plastic. “Family emergency.”

I glance up to see his face soften. Internally, I cringe. The whole stupid town knows about what happened with Dad, and the last thing I want is to feel like a charity case.

“But I know that’s no excuse,” I hasten to add.

He grabs a test paper from his desk and walks over, sliding it in front of me. “Perhaps not. Just do the best you can in the time remaining, and we’ll see where you stand.”

I nod, ignoring the sideways glances from Cat and the rest of my classmates. All in all, I think I do pretty well considering I’ve got half the allotted time and am running on fumes. I’ll have to ask Cat about the right answers later. If I’m lucky, I might squeak by with a C.

As I add my paper to the stack at the front, I make a mental note to talk to Mr. Redburn about extra credit to keep my grade up. I have no idea where I’ll find the time, but if I’m going to get into a good school…