Page 52 of Buckin' Around

Ivy bends her arms, her mouth hunting for her fist again.

Riley rises to her feet and is by my side a beat later. Her dark eyes swing up to me, but I don’t know what to do with any of this. Emotion swells in my chest, but it’s more akin to grief over what I’m missing when it comes to how to love Ivy. How to be a good dad.

How to be a decent friend to Riley.

I suck in a breath and clear my throat.

I have so little experience when it comes to the people I’m supposed to love. Heat prickles my nose. My whole body tenses. My fingers curl and uncurl, my jaw feathers.

A hand lands on my biceps. A fucking tiny, soft and elegant hand. “Spencer, she’s okay, she just rolled over.”

Worried eyes study my face, making my throat bob.

No. . . No, this is too much.

I shake my head and turn away, striding for my bedroom before I can make a fool of myself. God forbid I let anyone in. Ever.

I sink onto the edge of my bed and shove my head in my hands.

I’m confident and relaxed around people that don’t matter. I defend the things I give a shit about, sometimes. But this is too deep. Everything with Ivy feels too big, too much.

And Ril?—

A soft knock raps at the wall by my doorframe.

I look up to find Riley in the doorway. No Ivy.

“She’s okay like that for a bit?” I ask.

“She’s fine. She will also learn to roll onto her back when she’s ready. And she’ll start pushing up onto her hands and knees. She’ll learn to sit up. To walk. And to talk, Spencer. All of these things are good. You’re doing a good job.”

“We.”

“What?”

“Weare doing a good job. And by that, I mostly mean you. I feel like by the end of each day, I finally have a tiny part of this figured out. Then the next morning, it’s like learning it all over again. Groundhog Day for first-time fathers, or some fucked-up shit.” I run my hand over my face again.

Riley sighs and crosses the floor. She sits on the bed and turns her body toward mine.

It’s the first time she’s ever been in my space. I’ve been in hers a few times. Lowering blinds and tidying up while she rests, etc.

Butherinmyspace . . .

Every inch of me wakes up. A tingle starts in my hands and spreads like wildfire.

“By the time the year is up, I promise you will have this down. I won’t leave you to drown in the deep end. I promise.” Her eyes are tight, her hands gripping the side of the duvet. Her bottom lip tugs between her teeth.

I watch as the plump red lip slips free, imagining it somewhere else as she stares up at me, waiting for some kind of sign of life.

I manage a nod, and then she’s smiling as she rises from my bed and leaves the room. My stare is on the wall beyond the doorway that was filled with the fiery little woman who shouldn’t have my body primed without even a touch.

The scent of her shampoo hangs in the air, and I flop back on the bed with a guttural groan I feel all the way down to my bones.

Fucking hell, get a grip, Spencer.

“Absolutely not.” Riley gives me her back, her long dark hair swinging, brushing past her lower back.

“Come on. I can’t concentrate when I’m away from Ivy. Do me this one thing, O’Malley. Please?”