Page 102 of In a Word, Yes

Can I be?

But I also see her every bit a grown woman. A woman teetering on the ragged edge. Steely and intense. Questioning God.

I see fear—no, terror. Heart-slicing terror.

And I have never, ever seen myself in my precious youngest daughter more than I do at this moment.

Because I’ve been right there. Gutted.

No, Lord.

Do you hear me, Lord? No!

You will not do this to us again.

I hasten to Lucy, but already she’s in my arms, folding in on herself like a tiny broken bird.

“Oh, honey.” I stroke her hair. Kiss her head.

“Mom!” Her muffled cry, guttural and sloppy-wet with mucus, reverberates through my shoulder. Pierces my heart.

“I’m here, baby. Your father’s parking.”

“How? How are you here?” Lucy’s shoulders heave against mine. “I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him.”

“I know, honey. I know.”

Lifting her head, she drills me with her gaze. “I won’t!”

“Oh, my precious, precious girl. I have you. You’re not alone.”

“I know what you’re thinking.” Lucy’s words dissolve into a torrent of wails.

I swallow thickly. “Sweetheart, what I am thinking is that Chase is being prayed for, coast to coast and beyond.” Later, I’ll tell her how I was given a divine heads-up. “We have every reason to entrust this to God’s hands,” I say.

Except for one.

Except for the possibility, however slight, that Chase carries the same gene that...

Lucy pulls away, searches my eyes. “You’re thinking it too. I know you are. You’re thinking that it’s possible—”

I press a finger to her quivering lips. Shake my head as if to sayWe willnotspeak of this aloud. “Good thing we serve a God of impossibilities,” I whisper.

I don’t pretend to know what material heartstring is made of. But it has got my precious daughter and me bound together more completely than a pair of wet photographs. And it is stronger than anything I know.

Stronger than death.

***

Lucy

It’s well past midnight when Chase is discharged.

The weight of panic has been lifted.Oh, hallelujah!

And yet the weight of what I’ve been charged with in my role as a mother has never felt more significant. In all the world, in times like this, Chase needs only one comforter. His mother. I am his person.

And in all the world, my mother has never been more mine.