Page 33 of Something like Desire

“It’s Zach,” I say. “I thought so for a second, even though I didn’t want to, but then he keeps blaming my mom for leading his dad astray and it’s pissing me off. He says he’s very protective of his mom and he did apologize, but I’m protective of my mom too and I don’t want anyone trash-talking her.”

“Aries men are known to be very passionate and loyal. He’s probably not trying to take it out on your mom but he doesn’t know what to do.” Maren shakes her head slowly, grabs her glass of ginger ale from the coffee table, and takes a long sip. “Regardless of that, I think you still have feelings for him. You asked about astrological compatibility, so I’ll break it down for you. Your signs have intense chemistry. It’s hard to resist it. You weigh every option. He’s fiery and passionate. You’re basically opposites, and you know what they say about opposites.” Maren caresses her shoulders sensually and makes exaggerated kissing noises.

“It’s not like that,” I say with a laugh and grab the pillow she threw at me and slap her in the legs with it.

Maren smirks at me suggestively. “If you say so.”

“Seriously though. Even having these thoughts makes me feel like a terrible person. I can’t do this to Jayden. Here I am, angry at my mom for the same thing. I’m such a hypocrite.” I sit up halfway, then flop back down again with a sigh. “But you told me I’m compatible with Jayden too. So, I’m going to work on reigniting that and ignoring any other cases of astrological chemistry. My mom wrote back to the Via Match message, and we have a date with her tomorrow night. Heck, she may have already broken up with Nicholas by now. Then, I’ll never see Zach again and this... situation...” I wave my arms like I can describe my predicament with a simple motion. “Whatever this is... will be behind me.”

Maren puts her hands on her hips and gives me a look. “You honestly sound disappointed. You realize that, right?”

My cheeks flush and I shake my head. “No... no... I’m glad. This whole thing with my parents has thrown me for a loop.”

Maren’s quiet for a minute, staring at her lap, tracing the lemon print on her dress. “I have to admit something to you.”

“Shoot.”

“I didn’t want to tell you this before, because I like Jayden.” She cringes slightly. “I lied to you about your astrological compatibility with Jayden. Your signs can work and everything, but as a Taurus, he craves stability. He can be kind of rigid. You like a little spontaneity. It can cause tension. You know what I mean?”

I give her a stiff smile. “But it can work. You said so yourself.”

“It can work for sure, but it’s not like fiery chemistry. I need you to level with me. How are you feeling right now?”

I scooch closer to her on the couch and turn so I’m cross-legged facing her. “I’m confused. My parents seemed like their relationship was a bit dull at times but it was still solid. They did the same things every week. I could even predict what they’d say to each other sometimes. Then Mom just shocked us all and completely changed her look and started speaking in ways I’ve never heard her speak. Like about sex and acrobatic Kama Sutra positions.”

“Yikes.” Maren makes a face. “I always knew your mom as a lady who liked to make muffins, not someone who uses the phrase ‘reverse cowgirl’ in casual conversation.”

“Exactly. You saw it for yourself—she and Nicholas are like teenagers, their hands all over each other. But above it all, when she’s around him, Mom has this look on her face like she finds life exciting again.”

Maren grabs both of my hands and squeezes them gently, scanning my face as if she’s making sure I’m okay. “Yeah, I noticed that.”

I let out a slow breath and look down at our hands, grounding myself. “It made me start thinking. Like, I’m in this job that feels likework,and I keep thinking of that quote,If you enjoy what you do, you won’t work a day in your life, or something like that. The only thing, or person, really, that I like at work is Andy. He’s fun and vibrant and doesn’t take life too seriously, and honestly, he’s the only reason I like it there.” I take a sip of my ginger ale, then swirl the glass slowly, watching the ice cubes shift as I search for the right words. I clear my throat. “I don’t like what I do. I want to help people, yes, but not in the way I’m doing now. I feel like a lot of people at that company just want someone—me—to hear them out, but it’s hard to believe that they’re actually upset about a missing hole punch or loud typing. I don’t know. And then with Jayden...” I take a deep breath and forge on. “We’ve been together every day since we met. Together so much that I’ve barely spent any time here, in my own apartment. And we have the same routines and the same favorite takeout, and part of me wonders if I jumped into a routine like my parents and one day I’m just going to snap out of it and realize that decades of my life have passed by without me really feeling anything deeply.” I sit up straight. I can’t believe how good it felt to let that all out. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Maren can tell. Her eyes sparkle with surprise, and she nods slowly. “Wow. You’ve definitely been doing a lot of soul searching lately.” She looks at me thoughtfully. “This makes a lot of sense to me. These are all valid thoughts that you’re having. What would you do if you could start fresh, right now?”

“I’d probably switch my job to something where I could use my creative side a little bit more... but I’d still live here because I do like it here. It’s a great apartment. Maybe I’d change the prints on the wall, or change up the paint color, but I’d stay here. And Jayden. Maybe I’d ask him to switch some stuff up... like maybe we could try different places for dates. Or go on a trip somewhere. He’s been mentioning that for a while, actually.”

“It sounds like you need to talk with him and maybe suggest those things,” Maren says, resting her hand on my arm gently. “I’m sure he’d be up for that. Change up the routine.”

“He’s a good guy,” I say. “He really is.”

“You don’t need to convince me of that,” Maren responds. “Just take some time now and then to evaluate things and make sure the path you’re on is the path you really want tobeon. I feel like what you need to do next will just kind of come to you if you let yourself be open to it.”

“You’re so smart,” I say, hitting her in the leg again with the pillow. “And beautiful. How are you still single?”

“I don’t mind being single. And besides, I haven’t met a Capricorn yet. I’m holding out for my Capricorn prince.”

“You know that there’s an option on Via Match to search by astrological sign, right?”

Maren’s eyes widen slightly, a curious smile playing at her lips, so I pull my phone out of my pocket and quickly make some selections on the site, turning the screen to face her and scrolling down slowly. “Check out TrackStarrr. He looks like quite the catch, wouldn’t you say? Would you like him to run aroundyourtrack?”

Maren tilts her head and gives me a long, slow blink. “Ugh, what does that even mean? You need to work on your sexual innuendos. That was really weak. I hope you don’t come on to Jayden with lines like that.”

I laugh but keep my phone where it is so she’ll give in and have a look at her potential lover boy.

Maren eyes the picture on my screen of the guy with short brown hair and blue-green eyes. “He’s okay. A little too skinny for me. I like my men like I like my steaks—a little on the thick side and very juicy.”

“Just give me a few minutes, I’ll find your Mr. Right,” I tease, scrolling further down the page. “There are plenty ofjuicyCapricorns on here, I guarantee it.”