Page 9 of Something like Desire

Maren squeezes my hand and lets out a low sigh.

She sees it too.

FIVE

Instead of heading home to sit in my apartment, I ask Maren to drop me off at Jayden’s. It’s dark out, and the air feels weirdly still. On a warm summer night like this, people usually sit on the benches outside his building, chatting, but tonight no one’s around. Maybe they’re all inside, curled up on their couches. A bunch of happy couples.

I reach for the passenger door to get out, but Maren gently puts her hand on my back. “You’re going to be okay,” she says, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. She’s said that to me before, but that was over my favorite lipstick shade being discontinued.

I rest my head on her shoulder and breathe in the familiar and comforting scents of her almond body lotion and apple shampoo. “Do you think my parents will stay broken up?” It’s hard to even say the words out loud.

Maren lets out a breath and slowly shakes her head. She sits back and absently picks at a loose thread hanging from the edge of her jean shorts. “Honestly? I don’t know if they’ll get back together,” she says quietly. “But we can always hope that this is just a phase and that she’ll change her mind.”

I blink back tears. Something in the pit of my stomach doubts that will happen.

Maren’s pretty brown eyes soften as she scans my face. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay over tonight? We can watch movies, have some snacks and drinks, and talk about this more?”

“No,” I say. “I think I need to see Jayden right now. But thanks.”

Maren reaches out and touches my arm. “Okay, but make sure you call me tomorrow. Or before that. I’m here for you, even if it’s four a.m.”

“I appreciate that. So much. And I promise I’ll only wake you up at four if it’s catastrophic. I know how much you like your sleep.” I try to smile at her as I step out of the car.

“Lexi?” Maren says with a super serious look on her face.

“Yeah?”

“It’s hard to break up an Aquarius woman and a Gemini man, but if you’re going to try, you should stir up some drama.” She lowers her voice mysteriously, like she’s letting me in on one of the deepest secrets of the universe. “Neither sign likes to be in heavy, emotional situations.”

“Okay,” I say, trying to keep the skepticism out of my voice. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” I close the passenger side door and slowly walk along the sidewalk toward the building’s entrance, the soft glow of streetlights casting long shadows ahead of me.

It’s one of those clear nights, when Jayden and I usually step out onto his balcony and point out the only two constellations we know: the Big Dipper and Orion’s Belt. Tonight, all I want is to curl up in a fetal position, preferably under a soft blanket. I let myself into Jayden’s building, trudge up the stairs, unlock his door, and step inside. It’s quiet and dark—he’s probably asleep.

Out of nowhere, Hairball launches himself off the bookshelf and I let out a muffled scream.

“What do you have against me?” I whisper. I used to bring him fancy cat treats shaped like tiny fish and little mice with bow ties, only sold at specialty kitty boutiques, but not even that worked. Can’t cats tell when humans are devastated so they can be a little nicer than usual?

Jayden shuffles out of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes and putting on his glasses. “Are you okay? I thought I heard someone scream.”

“Yeah, your cat just tried to kill me. Again. No big deal.”

Jayden kneels over and pets Hairball lovingly. “This little guy? How could you think that? He probably just got startled when he heard you come in.”

“If you say so.” That cat’s been trying to edge me out since the day Jayden and I met. He spent the entire night pouncing on my feet, like he was trying to make me trip. Jayden tried to convince me that Hairball loved me, that he was “hugging my legs so I wouldn’t go home,” but I know better. Who knew cats could be gaslighting experts? Jayden thinks I’m being paranoid, but meanwhile his darling fur baby is literally trying to murder me.

Jayden stands and pushes his dark curls off his forehead. “How did it go tonight?”

“Fucking terrible,” I answer. “I think I need to lie down.”

“That bad?” Jayden lets out a low whistle. He follows me to his room and flips on the lamp on the nightstand.

I dive under the covers, still fully dressed, and he climbs in next to me. Hot tears sting my eyes, and this time I let them slide freely down my face, soaking the pillowcase.

Under the covers, Jayden gently runs a finger along my arm. “Did you end up talking to them?” he asks softly.

“No,” I whimper. “Part of me thinks there’s no point.”

“Why not?”