Page 139 of Find My Way Down to You

A frustrated breath slides past my lips. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life.”

Without youis so close to my tongue, I taste the sad honesty in it.

“Yes, you do. You’re just scared everyone else won’t approve.”

I mock-scowl at him. “Are you calling me a people pleaser?”

“Fuck yeah.”

He laughs. It’s not as warm as I remember, but it’s still nice.

I watch him for a long moment. “You told Cary to look after me.”

“I was so scared when I realized it wasn’t just a bad dream.” Fondness fills his eyes. “But he took my hand. Told me his name. He calmed me down.”

I remember the smile Cary gave Hasan. How he played with Yuri’s stuffed bunny. The genuine amusement on his face while listening to Bernice’s stories.

I fit all these pieces of the Cary I know now together. Not just the ferrier. Cary the giver. The boy who smirks and remembers all the little details and listens. Who looks after souls before himself.

Who looks after me, even when I’m difficult.

“You know, the internet never mentions how nice Death is,” London jokes. “And kind of hot.”

A blush rushes my cheeks. “He’s not Death.”

London quirks an eyebrow in thatbut you agree he’s hot?way. I don’t comment.

“That night, I needed you to be okay,” he admits. “I knew you’d blame yourself for the accident. That you’d feel guilty.”

“I did,” I whisper. “I do. All the time.”

“No way,” he says in mock-surprise, then flashes me that weird smile.

I kick his foot, grinning back.

He goes quiet, considering. His nose wrinkles again. “I didn’t think Cary would go back for you.”

I smile to myself. “He doesn’t make bargains. He also doesn’t break promises.”

Behind London’s stare is something I can’t quite make out. At least, not at first. He knows what I feel for Cary. He can see it but is choosing not to comment. I’m grateful.

Softly, I say, “Sometimes, I—” My chest pinches. But I need to tell him. I’ve waited too long for this moment. “I think it should have been me. That night.”

London studies me, the corners of his mouth drooping. I keep going.

“You had everything planned. Your whole future. And I didn’t. I still don’t. You deserve to be there.” I point up. “And I’m really sorry you’re not.”

London sighs, shaking his head. He touches my cheek again. “Time to stop blaming yourself, Auggie,” he insists.

“Easier said than done.”

His fingers wrap around my wrist. Where his bracelet used to be. “I know. But you can do it. You’re incredible and talented and I was so lucky to have you while I did, so…you have to carry on. You need to live your life.Youdeserve it.”

I lift a teasing eyebrow even while another tear slides over my lips. “Is this where I finally disagree with you instead of letting you get your way again?”

“No. I mean, yes.” He laughs. “Don’t do this for me. Or anyone else. Do this for August Clarke. The boy I’ll always love.”

My heart squeezes too tightly. “I’ll always love you too, London.”