Page 143 of Pink Ink

“You hadonesimple task: focus on your engagement. And you couldn’t do it.”

My lips twitch. I can’t bear the thought of being bound to Abigail Dornmont for the rest of my life. It should be Reyna who wears my ring. Not her.

“I’m going to,” I lie.

“The damage is done. There’s only one way forward.” Shepherd sighs, the sound heavy with disappointment.

Fighting him will only guarantee my, Reyna’s, and my brother’s deaths. Either way, the distance between us means he’ll shoot me before I can lay a finger on him.

If Shepherd orders a hit, it’ll be carried out one way or another. No one is allowed to rest until that person’s heart stops, because what the grand magistrate wants, the grand magistrate gets.

“Kill me, and you’ll ruin House Shaw.” Roland’s, and potentially the Dornmonts’, election campaign would take a substantial hit if I wereto die—unless Shepherd makes it look like an accident, and he’s very good at making it look like an accident.

A fake heart attack. Gas leak. Engine malfunction. Organ failure. An allergic reaction. Defying a direct command and keeping secrets are just two ways to meet the ferryman.

“You did that all on your own, son. As for Roland, he will bear the consequences of his decision.” There’s a hint of sorrow in his voice that I thought I’d never hear from the Order’s supreme leader. “It’s a shame it has to come to this. I saw you as one of my own.”

“A couple more days.” The years I spent dedicated to the Ordermustbuy me this one last thing. “I need to clean up after Alex’s kill, and make sure she’s safe and taken care of for the rest of her life.”

It makes me sick that I’m revealing my hand and showing him the full spectrum of my weakness, but I can’t hide it. Reyna comes first. Always.

The slightest divot forms on his forehead. “You care about her?”

Inhaling sharply, I say, “I love her.”

It’s not a feeling I thought I was capable of, yet it’s the only word to explain the lengths I’m willing to go to for her and the emotion that surges in my chest whenever I think about her. I need to tell her.Fuck, I wish I could have spent a lifetime showing her.

“And yet you brought her into this life?Knowingwhat could happen if she got too close.” The edges of Shepherd’s lips tip down. “You killed Reyna the second you decided to fall in love with her.”

It’s not something I can respond to. I knew the risk the moment I found myself gravitating toward her. Still, I took the plunge. I want to live so I can keep protecting her, but I’ll never be able to escape the Orderandkeep her and Spencer safe.

My chest aches, like the dead weight between my ribs is struggling to beat. I wouldn’t survive watching her fall in love with another person. Truthfully, I’m not certain I wouldn’t kill them.

Why can’t I fucking have this? I’ll give up my art, my kills, all of it. Reyna is meant to be mine. I’m already hers.

“I need more time,” I demand, slamming the counter.More time to look at her. More time to hold her. More time to tell her that she means everything to me. More time to decide whether we’ll take our chances and run. I’ll be fucking dead without her anyway.

“No.”

Fuck.

I run my hands through my hair. Press my fist against my mouth to hold back the rage that’s tearing my organs like poison. My throat closes. Everything fucking hurts.

I wish I could kill him.

I wish I could kill them all.

“Let me say goodbye first.”

I can’t leave without saying goodbye.

“Please.”

I’ve never said that word to him before. I thought it was just something guilty men spat out. But when I heard Reyna say it, I knew I was wrong. That one syllable from her, and I’d destroy the world.

Looking at the man who sharpened me into who I am, I know he sees the same thing I used to see every time men would beg for their lives. To him the word is just a word.

“No. It’d be best for her if you disappeared for good.” For a moment, I swear guilt flashes behind his eyes. “It’s time, Maddox. Make your peace with the choices you’ve made. This is the only good thing you can do for—”