Page 76 of Queen of the Shadow

Chapter 18

Scáthach didn’t decide to go because he’d kissed her. Or at least that’s what she told herself...

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On the short journey back to Dunscáith, Cuchulainn didn’t knowingly hold himself apart from the Shadow Guard. Rather it was a subconscious act, much like how a wounded animal slinks away to lick its wounds and recover—or die alone without tainting the group.

He didn’t want to taint the group with the invisible wound still bleeding inside him.

Scáthach treated him no differently. He appreciated that, even if he didn’t fully believe her. How was he supposed to believe she still saw him as she hadbefore?Beforeshe’d stepped into that room and found Aife straddling him.Beforeshe’d seen him so helpless, so broken, so badly used.

Uathach had also been there, though she hadn’t seen as much as Scáthach. He hated that Uathach had been there at all, but it didn’t eat at his spirit. It hadn’t been Uathach he’d imagined when Aife had told him she would be who he most desired.

Cuchulainn remembered little about that terrible night. There were big black places in his memory. He knew Aife had used his body. He could not remember how many times, but he recalled the painful pleasure of being aroused over and over and over again. Cuchulainn wished he didn’t remember that part. How could it have felt pleasurable when she forced him? He hadn’t desired her!

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of even the small pieces of that night that weren’t smothered in blackness.

Tabiti trotted to him. It was dusk and they were close enough to Dunscáith that any of them could have found their way home. Tabiti’s smile flashed white in the twilight.

“Guarding our rear?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said, though he hadn’t realized he’d fallen back to the very rear of the Shadow Guard.

“Thank you for saving Amage,” Tabiti said.

He looked at her, surprised by the strain in her voice. “You need not thank me. I’m glad I was there. Glad you were able to get her to safety.”

“If she had died, I’m not sure how I would have gone on.”

Cuchulainn understood the strain in her voice then. The bond between Tabiti and Amage was strong. Breaking it would also break Tabiti. “That is not something you need to think about,” said Cuchulainn. “She will heal.”

Tabiti nodded. “Yes, I know that logically, but my heart, my spirit, they are still wounded by how close I came to losing her.”

“They will heal just as Amage will heal,” said Cuchulainn.

Tabiti nodded again and then cleared her throat. “Cu, may I tell you a story?”

His brows went up. “Of course.” He gestured around them at the sleepy, rolling hills their road wound between. “We have time, and I like a good story.”

“Well, this one is more nightmare than bedtime story.”

“Now I’m intrigued.” He expected Tabiti to grin. Instead she drew in a long breath and on the exhale began to speak.

“It was many years ago. All the way in distant Scythia I’d heard of the great warrior Scáthach, Queen of Shadow, and her school at Dunscáith.” She glanced at him. “Do you know of my people?”

He nodded and smiled. “Yes. Warrior women who choose to live, fight, and love without men.”

“Well, yes, but some Scythian warriors take men to their beds to reproduce. We send the boy babies to their fathers and keep the girls.”

“I’d heard that. You’re a country of mighty warriors who are well respected.”

“We are. I am the youngest daughter of our queen. I loved my home, my mother, my four older sisters—but as I became an adult, I began to feel adrift, useless. I would not inherit the crown. And I didn’t want it,” she added quickly. “I could have commanded a unit of warriors, but my older sisters would always outrank me and command the army. Whether valid or not, I felt lost in a crowd.”

“Understandable,” said Cuchulainn.

“When word reached Scythia of Scáthach and her warrior school, I petitioned my mother's permission to travel to Skye to be trained by her. My mother is a wise queen. She also understands her daughters.”

“She granted you permission?”