Page 79 of The Light Between Worlds

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, but Ev shakes her head.

“Don’t be. I’m not a shackle for you to wear.”

When I step back and hold her at arm’s length, hands still on her shoulders, my eyes burn and my throat tightens. Because my sister, with whom I’ve walked through worlds and wars, is smiling—a smile bright as the sun, so bright it dazzles.

I know that smile because I’ve worn it myself so many times before, and looking at her now, it’s as if she’s snatched the expression from my face.

Jamie and Mum and Dad exclaim over the flowers, and their relief to see her looking so well is palpable. We go through our goodbyes yet again, though I’m nearly late as it is, and then I’m out the door and into a cab.

Evelyn stands on the doorstep as the cabbie loads my bags into the boot of the car, and the last thing I see of home is her waving, still smiling brilliantly. When we’ve turned the corner, I press a hand to my mouth to keep from sobbing.

I’ve never worn that look of intolerable brightness unless it’s to hide a hurt so deep I refuse to speak or think of it. Unless I hope to blind everyone else to my heartbreak, and in doing so, blunt the edges of the pain.

“Chin up, love,” the cabbie says, shifting in his seat to nod at me. “It’s always a wrench leaving family behind. But you’ll get through it, I’ve no doubt about that.”

“Thank you,” I tell him, and smile through my tears.

A smile like the sun, a smile that dazzles, a smile that’s both a refuge and a cage.

56

WE TRAVEL SLOWLY ON THE WAY HOME, AND STOPovernight again. It’s all very proper—separate rooms and meeting in the inn’s dining room for dinner. We make the last short leg of the journey Monday morning, arriving back in London with time to leave Jack’s car at his building and walk the short distance to the Gallery from there.

“There’s someone here for Philippa,” Kitty says from the front counter as we step into the Gallery. “A young man.Quitehandsome, and he’s been waiting. Are we allowed to entertain gentleman callers during working hours now?”

I give her a killing look.

“Does this young man have a name?” Jack asks blandly. I can’t imagine who it would be—I knew enough people before leaving for America, but haven’t seen any of them since coming back.

“Jamie.”

My heartbeat goes wild. I’m not expecting Jamie. If he’s here, there must be news.

“That’s my brother.” I fight to keep calm. “If he’s come downfrom Oxford there may be an emergency. Jack, can you tell Presswick?”

“Of course. And if you need anything, Phil, you know where I am.”

I find Jamie in front of my old nemesis,A Woman Bathing in a Stream. One glance at the way he’s standing and my stomach drops clear through the floor to the reference rooms below. Whatever he has to say, it’s not good news, and I don’t want to hear it.

But this isn’t the first time I’ve walked straight toward heartache, with my footsteps unfaltering and my head held high. I put my hands on Jamie’s shoulders and kiss him lightly on either cheek.

“Darling. What a nice surprise. Walk with me?”

Before any of the guards or Kitty have a chance to overhear a word of my troubles, I lead Jamie back through the Gallery and out the front door.

“What is it?” I ask breathlessly as soon as we’re out. “What’s happened? Don’t keep me waiting.”

Jamie’s face is a ruin. “There’s—they found a body, Phil.”

I stand still as a stone, as if doing so could turn back the clock, to the moment before I heard those words. “Do Mum and Dad know?”

Jamie shakes his head. “No. I asked the Yard to contact me first if there were any developments. They want someone to go down and take a look—to say yes, it’s her, or no, it isn’t—and I thought it would be better not to say anything unless we’re certain.”

“Of course.” Even when he’s wretched, my brother’s always done what’s best.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Jamie stares down at theground miserably. “I don’t think I can do this on my own. That’s why I’m here. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, stop,” I tell him, though on the inside, I’m slowly dying. “You were right to come. We’ll manage together, the way we’ve always done.”