Page 82 of A Dark and Drowning Tide

“Because youdespiseme! You think me beneath you. I could see it in your eyes, andI...God,I would have done anything to earn yourrespect, your attention. I just wanted you to look at me.” Sylvia floundered for a moment. “When you do,I...It’sterrifying. It’s exhilarating. You’re like something out of a nightmare.”

Lorelei stared at her as her entire life rearranged around this revelation. So much clicked into horrifying, sickening clarity. Every flush of Sylvia’s face she’d misinterpreted as indignation. Every tremor of her voice she’d read as barely leashed anger. The ways their eyes always found one another in a room. The way she always stood too close when they argued.

If she examined her own behavior, she would combust from humiliation. Howhadshe been so stupid? To act on this now, when their lives hung in the balance, was madness. To care about anyone but herself was a weakness she couldn’t afford. And yet . . .

“I understand, of course, if you want nothing to do with me,” Sylvia said. “I won’t make a fuss if you deny me. However, I cannot go on this way. I can’t pretend anymore that Idon’t—”

“Sylvia.”

The sound of her name drew her up short. It was the first time Lorelei had ever spoken it aloud, and now she feared she might never stop.Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia. It felt like the rhythm of her own heart. Like something she could not survive without.

Lorelei brushed her fingers against Sylvia’s throat, until she cradled her jaw in her palm. She tilted her chin upward until their eyes met. She could feel Sylvia’s pulse thundering frantically against her thumb. She applied the barest hint of pressure and felt the answering gasp tear through her like a drug. It pulled every coherent thought from her mind. Distantly, it occurred to her that a good person would not feel so exhilarated at holding a lover’s very life in their hands.

You’re like something out of a nightmare.

And you, Lorelei thought despairingly,are resplendent.

What did someone like Sylvia see in her, loathsome creature that she was? She could not possibly want her as she truly was: the tender, nerve-stricken parts of herself she did not let anyone see. But if she wanted hermonstrous—afantasy—thenLorelei could give her that.

In one motion, she spun Sylvia around and backed her against the door. It rattled in its frame. She bent down until their lips just barely touched, until the air felt as thin as it had on the Himmelstechen’s peak.

Sylvia’s breath frayed at the edges. She gazed up at her as though she were a thing stepped from her wildest imaginings. The cool, liquid silver of her hooded eyes was nearly consumed by her blown-wide pupils. Lorelei’s stomach dipped low at the sight of her so full of unbridledwanting. She’d never thought herself capable of inspiring this sort of desire. It was dizzying, addictive. She could no longer convince herself this wasn’t some lurid dream.

When Lorelei kissed her, well and truly, Sylvia let out a moan that nearly undid her. Her lips parted eagerly, and she molded her body against Lorelei’s and fisted her hands in her lapels. It felt like acollision—likeburning alive. Sylvia kissed like a woman starved. Lorelei almost smiled despite herself. Why had she expected any different? Sylvia von Wolff had never once been able to temper her passions.

She scrabbled desperately at the knot of Lorelei’s cravat. At last, with a sound of triumph, she succeeded in unfastening it. Cool air sighed across Lorelei’s bared collarbone, and the scrap of silk went sailing into some dark, forgotten corner of the room.

Insatiable, she thought, with only mild disapproval. Of course Sylvia would rush headlong into this, as she did all things, but Lorelei had imagined this far too many times to let her ruin it with haste.

Lorelei tangled her fingers into Sylvia’s hair, and for one moment, she allowed herself to relish the heavy weight of it in her grasp. Then, she pulled hard enough to expose the pale column of her throat. God, Sylvia was so beautiful. Every inch of her begged to be touched. Lorelei could not resist bending down to trace the side of her neck with the barest touch of her lips. Sylvia’s skin pebbled, and her breath hitched again.

Sylvia made a soft, frustrated sound. “You impossible,infuriating—”

She cut herself off with awhine—halfpleasure, halfprotest—whenLorelei sucked a bruise onto her skin. This time, Lorelei did smile. If only she’d known sooner how easy it was to silence her.

“Insults will get you nowhere,” she murmured against Sylvia’s ear. Her voice trembled, just barely.

And her mind went utterly blank when Sylvia shot back, with only a touch of wryness, “Please.”

Please. It set her entire body alight. She tightened her grip in Sylvia’s hair, anchoring her in place as she kissed her again with redoubled, demanding hunger. Sylvia could easily break free of her hold if she wanted. Instead, Sylvia melted pliantly against her, and Lorelei hooked her arm around her waist to support her weight. The illusion of controltonight—somethingshe might very well never haveagain—senta heady rush through her.

For so long, she had yearned to crush Sylvia underfoot, to have her entirely at her mercy. And now that she had her, she hardly knew what to do with this rush of power. She wanted Sylvia desperately, forever, in a thousand different ways. It frightened her, but she didn’t know how to stop this.

She didn’t want to stop.

Lorelei drew back to catch her breath. Sylvia’s lips were wet and parted, and her eyes were dreamy, like she hadn’t quite processed what was happening. There was nothing at all noble about her now. What a scandal they would cause should anyone find out.

A bolt of alarm shot through her. Lorelei stumbled a few wary steps back, determined to put some space between them. God, she couldn’t think straight with Sylvia looking at her like that. As evenly as she could manage, she said, “I can’t do this.”

“What?” Sylvia wheezed.

“Youcan’t do this.”

It took a moment for Sylvia to catch up. Her expression landed somewhere between desperate and murderous. “Why not?”

She was alight with her typical determination. Her hair was a flash of lightning in the dark, and all the candlelight blooming out of the darkness gilded her. She was radiant, as bright as the sun itself. In that moment, it was all Lorelei needed to seal her decision.

She was a weed, drawn helplessly to light she did not deserve. And now she had knowledge she was never meant to have. The sound of her sighed-out name on Sylvia’s lips, the taste of her kiss. Now, she would never be able to stop wanting her. Like another fairy-tale curse inflicted upon her, she was struck with a hunger she could never satisfy.