Page 79 of A Mismatch Made in London

The more I thought about him, the more I couldn’t think of anything to accuse him of, besides how he had jumped to a wrong conclusion about me as soon as he made my acquaintance. Andthat was just his overzealous desire to keep his sister safe from people who would use her. There were certainly enough people in the world with selfish, even evil motives, who would use Juliet for their own gain, and so I probably could have easily forgiven him—had it not been for the fact that it was me he was trying to protect Juliet from.

But why the sudden change in his feelings toward me?

Looking back on the past several weeks, I realized he’d shown more attention toward me before he kissed me and even before we went to Mr. Shelley’s estate in the Lake District. We’d had many conversations, just the two of us. He’d smiled and even laughed. I’d just assumed it was because Juliet and Mr. Shelley were always talking with each other and didn’t require anyone else, that Jeremy had talked with me because there was no one else to talk to.

And it was true that he had danced with me, at least once, at every ball we attended together. Perhaps he had shown more of a preference for me than I’d realized.

Perhaps I’d been blinded by my prejudice against him, the grudge I’d held for the way he’d judged me.

I whispered, “I forgive him, God. Help me forgive and forget.”

Perhaps it was my imagination, but I instantly felt better, my shoulders lighter.

By the time I arrived at my home in Buckinghamshire, it was nearly dark. My brothers ran out of the house as the hired coach came to a stop. Matthew and Nathaniel bombarded me with complaints about each other and began telling tales of the adventures they’d had while I was away.

“I cannot listen to you both at once,” I said. “You can tell me in a few moments. Will you get my bags, please?” I asked the older two, Adam and Jonathan, who were home.

My mother met me at the door. “Darling Amelia! This is a surprise. Are you well?”

“Yes, Mama, I am well. All is well.”

She was holding my baby brother in her arms. “Come in. Tell me about your aunt and uncle. Are they well? And Algernon?”

“Yes, they are all well.”

Before I could finish speaking, she was calling for Lavinia.

“Yes, Mama?”

“Your sister is home. Talk to her while I speak to Cook. The rector is coming for dinner tonight,” Mama said, the latter directed toward me.

“Shall I hold the baby?” I asked.

“No, he will just get fussy. He will need to eat in a few minutes.”

“Why are you home early?” Lavinia asked, as she crossed her arms and stared at me.

“I wanted to see my family,” I said. “Are you not glad to see me?” I gave her a challenging look, trying to appear lighthearted.

I’d pictured the reunion with my family so differently. I thought they would embrace me, all smiles, and tell me how happy they were that I was home. They’d ask me if I’d caught myself a rich husband, and I would tell them very demurely, “I am engaged.” Then they’d shout excitedly and ask for details about this man who dared to ask for the hand of their sister or daughter. The rest was hazy, since I wasn’t sure how I’d answer them. Would I tell them I wasn’t certain if I would marry him or not?

Now I wasn’t sure if anyone would even ask me.

Then I saw little Diana toddle up beside Lavinia.

“There’s my little darling,” I cried, and held my arms out to her. I could hardly wait to hold her.

Diana grabbed Lavinia’s leg through her skirt and held on, looking at me as if I were a stranger.

“It’s Amelia,” I said. “You cannot have forgotten me.” I tried to talk in a soothing tone. “Come, Diana. Come and let me see you.”

She hid her face in Lavinia’s skirt.

“Do you want to go outside? We can go sit in the hammock.”

“No. Want Lavie.” She raised her hands up to Lavinia, who picked her up.

“She’s probably hungry,” Lavinia said. “I’ll feed her and give her a bath. You can see her tomorrow.” And she carried Diana back toward the kitchen as my heart sank into my stomach.