Page 92 of The Good Fortune of Miss Robbins

Why hadn’t he just told her he loved her and wanted to marry her? But he was afraid of being that vulnerable, especially now when she was so angry with him.

But he needed to write the letter quickly, as he had to go and deal with Mr. Sullivan before much more time had passed, so he wrote the letter and took it to her house on the way. Mr. Sullivan was no doubt packing as many of his belongings as he could carry to take with him to France or Italy or wherever he was fleeing to.

Twenty-Eight

My hand shook a bit as I opened the letter that the servant said Lord Brookhaven had just delivered himself.

Dear Miss Robbins,

You must think it very odd that I gifted you fifty thousand pounds and equally odd that I invented a dead relative to disguise the fact that the fortune was from me. Perhaps it was ill-conceived, and perhaps I should not have done so. I certainly did not do it to upset you in any way, nor did I do it to trap or manipulate you. But it was unfair of me to deceive you. I did, however, give you the fortune for your benefit, not intending for anyone to discover what I did, and the fortune is and always was for you to do with whatever you wish, and therefore I ask that you do not return it to me.

Also, it could not have been easy to have such a sudden gain in fortune but allow me to say that you have acquitted yourself very well.

Yours respectfully,

Brookhaven

What was I to make of it? This was no explanation at all!

I threw the letter on the floor, lay across my bed, and made a sound like a wild animal into my pillow.

The man was impossible!

What was it he had said? That it was unfair of him to deceive me? Well, at least he was right about that.

I got up and grabbed the letter off the floor and reread it.

It was intolerable. How could I endure his meddling in my life to such a degree, and for what? Why did he do it?

I sat at my little desk, grabbed a pen and paper, and started writing.

Iam glad you realize that deceiving me was unfair. Ihope you also realize it was demeaning,confusing,and cowardly.

I stared at the words. It was somewhat satisfying to write them, but it made my hand shake at the thought of him reading such words.

I tore that paper into pieces and took up another.

Dear Lord Brookhaven,

I am bewildered by your actions. I do not know what they mean. But I shall be returning your fortune to you forthwith, with or without your consent or cooperation, and I thank you for the enlightening experience.

Perhaps it was wrong to use sarcasm. I sighed, ripped that paper in half, threw it in the bin, and took up another sheet.

I realize I have you and Lady Derringer to thank for introducing me to your social set in London. But what I appreciated most was your friendship. I had thought you and I were good friends when I was your siblings’ governess in Berkshire. I very much enjoyed our talks, and I’ve missed them since I left Lowndesbury House. I am sad that things have turned out this way between us, sorry that you didn’t cherish our friendship as I did. I have wanted to know your thoughts during these last weeks while I’vebeen in London, but you were distant and didn’t talk with me as you had before. But now I realize I didn’t know you at all. You were someone who would invent an elaborate ruse to observe me as if I were an exotic animal to be studied. It is intolerable.

I was going in a direction I didn’t want to go in accusing him, and what would that accomplish other than venting my anger?

I took a deep breath and thought about what I wanted to say before continuing—and my tears dripped onto the paper as I wrote.

I thought perhaps there was some affection between us, something tender and beautiful, but obviously I was wrong. I admired your mind, the way you thought and felt about the world and God and people. You were honest and kind and seemed capable of great feeling, openly sharing your thoughts with me. But I am not sure if that was the true person I was seeing, or if the true person is the one who would deceive me into thinking I had an uncle who loved me enough to leave me his fortune. My heart is broken to think that they are one and the same person.

However, I am most sorry for what will happen to my servants, who were depending on me, and to Joshua and Sarah, who didn’t deserve to lose their only security in life. You owe it to me and to them to make sure they are taken care of. I hope you will make a plan to do so, since I will no longer be able to.

Yours sincerely,

Charlotte Robbins

Perhaps I shouldn’t have spoken so freely, but there was something satisfying in airing my feelings, in seeking to be understood. At least as long as I could believe that he understood.