Page 86 of The Good Fortune of Miss Robbins

There weren’t any mice at my townhouse, I didn’t think, but I wouldn’t have minded having a friendly cat who would sit with me when I was knitting or reading in the evenings. The idea of a soft, purring cat was quite appealing, but as Hattie, Millicent, and Mrs. Drake began exclaiming over the kittens and petting them and picking them up, Lord Markeley drew me back with a hand on my arm.

“Miss Robbins,” he said in a whisper, “do tell me now if I haveany chance at winning your heart. I would do anything to make you love me the way I love you.”

“I am sorry, but I ... No. Forgive me. I do not love you.”

Of course I didn’t love him. He drank too much, and he hadn’t thought me nearly good enough until I’d inherited fifty thousand pounds. But even more importantly, Millicent obviously liked him, and he must realize that.

But when his face fell and he looked genuinely crushed, I did feel a pang of guilt stab my chest. I didn’t wish to give anyone pain. Still, I was glad to be able to tell him the truth and get it over with.

Millicent turned just then and looked from Lord Markeley to me. Her jaw hardened, as if she were clenching her teeth, and she turned away again.

Soon we said goodbye to the cats and their owner and started home.

The walk back seemed to take a long time, even though we walked much faster on the return. Millicent stared straight ahead, her lips pursed.

All the while Lord Markeley looked slightly sheepish one minute, slightly angry the next. Thankfully, he took his leave of us at the front door and was gone.

Calling hours were nearly over. I glanced at Millicent but said nothing. I was working on a piece of embroidery with wildflowers that reminded me of the grounds around Lowndesbury House. It usually lifted my spirits to work on it, with its blue and violet and pink and yellow threads, but today ... I kept thinking of Lord Markeley’s facial expressions, and of Millicent’s, and how obvious it had been that the viscount had asked me to marry him and I had rejected him.

I wondered if it were possible to advertise that I was no longer able to receive marriage proposals, as I had decided to give the fiftythousand pounds to the poor. Wouldn’t Mrs. Drake have an apoplectic fit at that? I was tempted to announce it to the whole room.

I was becoming a rather perverse person. Had the fifty thousand pounds turned me into someone I never wished to be?

At first, I’d enjoyed all the attention. I could do anything I wanted, and it was thrilling to have the freedom and independence to rent my own house, to bring my friends to visit me, and to go shopping and buy new things. But along with what I’d gained, I’d also lost things, such as my relationships with Mr. Merritt and Lord Markeley. Now that I’d rejected their marriage proposals, I knew things between us would never be the same. And nothing felt the same between Lord Brookhaven and me, either. I missed our conversations, our easy banter, and the way he seemed to understand me. And even though he didn’t seem to want to marry me, I just wanted to be near him, to hear his thoughts and opinions ... and to see his dear face.

I was near tears. I kept my head down, thankful to have my embroidery in my lap so no one would see my face.

How happy I’d been to inherit such a fortune! I must surely be the most fortunate girl in all of England. Or so I’d thought. I could marry whomever I pleased. I remembered thinking that if Lord Brookhaven was in love with me, now he could marry me.

But was that true? I might have a fortune, but I was still an orphan with no family name of importance, and he was still an earl. The fact that he’d made very little effort to spend time with me, and that he’d stood aside and allowed his friends to ask me to marry them, made it seem as though he couldn’t love me, or else he would have asked me already.

A tear dripped from my eye to the fabric. I took a deep breath and quietly released it, breathing in and out and telling myself,I’ll give away the money.

Well, I wouldn’t give it all away. I needed something to live on. But there were so many children, like Sarah and Joshua, who lived on the streets and struggled to fend for themselves in a harsh world. I could help them if I just applied a fraction of my fortune toward... an orphanage, maybe. A place with kind caregivers like Gretchen who would nurture and care for them in a loving way. After all, didn’t Scripture say that taking care of orphans and widows in their distress was the very definition of Christianity?

I was lost in my thoughts when the servant announced a visitor. “Lady Derringer.”

I quickly swiped at my face with my hand, lest there be remnants of my tears, and set my embroidery aside.

“I just wanted to call on you, my dear,” she said, looking at me, “for I will be leaving London and returning to the country again soon.”

“I am sorry to hear it,” I said.

“Why thank you, my dear. I shall miss all of you ladies.” She glanced around the room, but her eyes settled on me again. “Might you come over tomorrow and have a private chat with me? My nephew will be away, and I have something I wish to tell you.”

“Of course.” I was surprised, especially since she made it clear she only wished for me to come.

“Is eleven o’clock all right?”

“Yes.”

Twenty-Six

Lady Derringer met me in the hallway the next morning at eleven. She led me into a small sitting room on the ground floor and said, “Thank you for coming. Lord Brookhaven will be returning soon. I wanted to see you and ask ... how are you?”

“I am very well, thank you.”

“Has that horrid man Gilbert White bothered you any more after he accosted you on the street?”