Page 72 of The Good Fortune of Miss Robbins

His words did nothing to dispel the heat and turmoil inside me.

“You are angry with me,” he said. “What can I say to make it right?”

I could not tell him, as I was just beginning to realize that the real reason for my tears was my disappointment that he wasn’t concerned enough about me marrying Mr. Welton to marry me himself.

I took as deep a breath as I could get into my constricted chest, then another and another. Finally, I said, “You have done nothing wrong. Forgive my incivility.”

“There is nothing to forgive. We are friends, are we not? You can say whatever you wish to me, whatever you feel.”

His words undid all my efforts to dispel the tears. Friends. That’s all we were and all we would ever be to each other. Foolish girl. Did I really think an earl would want me—or my fifty thousand pounds?

“You were right about Mr. Welton,” I said, feeling humbled. “I thank you for the warning.”

“It was impertinent of me. You have deduced his true character on your own without any interference from me.”

I did not answer, as I was still fighting back the tears.

“I shall endeavor not to give unsolicited advice in future. But please know ... I speak and act only out of my desire for you to be happy, Miss Robbins.”

His words were so softly spoken and sounded so sincere that I felt a physical ache inside my chest.

I turned aside and used my hand to wipe the tears that were threatening to drip from my chin. A moment later, Lord Brookhaven was handing me his handkerchief.

My stomach twisted, but I had little choice but to take the offered handkerchief and mop my face.

Thankfully, he said nothing as I endeavored to drive away the still-threatening tears and make myself presentable.

I simply would not think about how he didn’t love me, didn’t want to marry me, and knew that the gentleman who asked me to marry him was only interested in my fortune. No, I wouldn’t think about that. I’d think about Joshua and Sarah, and about Samuel and Annabelle. If for no other reason than to not hurt them, I would not end my friendship with Lord Brookhaven.

Who was I trying to fool?Ienjoyed his company, and I valued his opinion, or I should, especially now that I knew he only cared for me as a friend.

“I would never wish to make you unhappy,” he said.

“You haven’t.” I wanted to tell him that I had enough gentleman callers to make me happy—that one of them, at least, would love me for myself, and he would be a gentleman of good character with his own fortune. Together we would be very happy, so Lord Brookhaven needn’t worry about my happiness. He should tend to his own.

But I said none of those things. I needed to get somewhere quiet where I could think, where I’d have time to search my own heart and settle my feelings.

I turned and started down the stairs and heard him following behind me.

Thankfully, when we returned to the sitting room, Mr. Welton had gone. Visiting hours were over, as it was after six o’clock. We instead found Mrs. Drake and Millicent sitting in silence, and they did not smile when we walked in.

“How were the children?” Millicent asked, a bit of a caustic tone in her voice. No doubt she was angry that she’d been left behind, and I felt a pang of guilt.

“They are well,” I said. “They were pleased to see Lord Brookhaven again.”

“Mr. Welton wished to give you his regards,” Mrs. Drake said with a sour expression. “Lord Brookhaven, it is so charitable of you to take an interest in the little orphan children. I’m sure when theboy’s arm is recovered, Miss Robbins will find a suitable situation for them both. Perhaps you can help her.”

I was in no mood to brook Mrs. Drake’s impertinence, especially after I’d rebuffed Lord Brookhaven’s so completely. “I have no interest in sending the children to any other ‘situation.’” For I knew what she meant. She’d have me send them to someone to work for only food and a cot to sleep on, or worse yet, to a workhouse. She didn’t know me at all if she thought I’d even consider such a thing.

Mrs. Drake raised her brows at me. But before she could speak, Lord Brookhaven said, “Thank you again, Miss Robbins, for allowing me to see the children. I am pleased they are so well taken care of here with you. Please don’t hesitate to ask if you ever need anything.”

“Thank you.”

Then he took his leave and was gone.

Twenty-Two

Early the next morning, when Hattie, Millicent, and I were waiting for Mr. Merritt to arrive for our walk, Mrs. Drake still wore the same expression she’d had all last evening. So I decided to speak to her privately about the events of the previous afternoon.