Page 90 of Fortress of Snow

His heart weighed him down as he left his barracks. He could not tell any of his men or his fellow guard captains what was befalling him or anything about the king’s words to him. He set out to wander London Town until most of his men would be asleep.

He walked without knowing where he was headed. He passed inns and bakeries, chandlers and cobbler shops, but he had no wish to enter any of them. Finally he saw the Swan up ahead, its sign like a beacon, with its big white bird on a bright blue background.

His heart stuttered like a horse stamping in place, thenquickened to a fast trot. He suddenly wanted to see Mazy more than anything.

He walked inside and, when he didn’t see her, he sat down.

Ro and her new helper, Anselm, were bustling about, with several customers and a lively little crowd at their biggest table singing a pirate song. The crowd of four men and three women were loud and looked happy, without a care. They were not particularly poor, it seemed, but perhaps somewhere below merchant status. They were not encumbered with worries about the king bestowing his favor on them—or having their heads for displeasing him.

Ro suddenly called out to him from across the room. “Stay there! I’m coming!”

She topped off two big cups of ale from the barrel behind the counter, set them down in front of two men, then hurried over to Berenger.

“Mazy said you were seeing the king today. She should be here very soon.” She glanced at the door as if looking for her.

He wished Mazy would appear, especially before Ro asked him how things went with the king. Mazy was the only person he wanted to talk to about that.

“Ale and stew?” Ro asked.

“Yes, thank you.”

She hurried off. And then Mazy came through the door with Juliana, holding on to her little hand.

His heart stuttered again, as it had when he’d seen the sign of the Swan. The sight of her evoked such a yearning inside him. Why did his heart long for her? Was it because she was so lovelyand fair? No. He’d seen other lovely and fair women who did not make his heart yearn. It was more because she was so kind and compassionate, and she always held his attention, always made him want to tell her more than he ever wanted to share with anyone else. She was good and honest, and she was brave enough to defend herself, to be strong and resilient and even help other women survive.

He loved her.

He’d wanted to marry her before, but now he realized that he was in love with her. A fine time to realize such a thing, when his life could be forfeit. But somehow nothing seemed to matter except this love. Could she ever love him in return?

He would not trouble her with a revelation of his feelings. It could have no good outcome at this point, when he could be exiled, becoming a mercenary, possibly even forced to fight for one of England’s enemies just to survive.

But he was getting far ahead of himself.

Juliana spotted him the same time Mazy did. The child immediately held out her arms toward him.

He got up and picked up the child, and she wrapped her skinny arms around his neck. “Did you have a good day with MissMazy at the marketplace?”

“I ate cherry pasties and played ‘Ride a Little Horsey’ with a woman.”

“Oh? And did MissMazy have a good day?” He looked at Mazy, his heart thumping.

“Of course.”

“A man named Martin asked Mazy to marry him. He said he would make her happy.”

Mazy’s eyes grew big. “How did you... Juliana, I don’t think that’s exactly...”

“Martin said that you were waiting to see if he would be consistent.”

“Juliana.” Mazy shook her head and tickled the child under her arm, making her laugh.

Berenger’s stomach was sinking, his thoughts churning. “What did you say to him?” he asked Mazy, trying to keep his voice bland.

“I told him to let me think about it.”

“What? Think about what?” Ro had arrived with cups, Anselm right behind her with bowls of stew.

“Oh, just Martin.” Mazy wouldn’t meet anyone’s eye.