Page 26 of Fortress of Snow

“Thank you. You and your sister are so kind.”

She was putting on a brave face. Truly, he thought she might be better off if Sir John did go to Prussia with him. His sister and her husband would watch over Mazy, perhaps even help her make a good match, but Sir John? Berenger was not at all sure Sir John would go out of his way to do anything for her.

“I will be sad to see you go.” Mazy did not look at him when she said the words. She stared out at the river instead.

Mazy was a good girl, and quite beautiful. If he were not about to go away... But he had nothing to offer her anyway. Besides, sixteen was a bit young, in his opinion, though girls younger than sixteen were married all the time, to men much older than Berenger.

Someday he’d find the right woman to marry, someone who was a good match for him, someone who would appreciate and even love him. He would not accept anything less. And if he was honest with himself, he also hoped she would be someone he could rescue.

When he was a young boy, he’d dreamed of rescuing a damsel in distress, a woman locked in a tower by an ogre or a dragon, or a princess oppressed by her enemies. Of course, ogres and dragons did not exist, except the human ones who oppressed orabused others. He’d even struggled not to be jealous of Gerard, who actually had rescued a princess, helped her defeat her enemies, and then married her.

Deep in his heart, Berenger still hoped to experience the thrill of rescuing that fair maiden in need of his help.

Perhaps he would find her in Prussia.

Mazy watched Sir Berenger and a few other knights and soldiers leave at dawn several days later. Sir Berenger sat tall in the saddle on his enormous warhorse, leading the way as they rode to join the others traveling toward their mission in Prussia.

She had to hurry back to her room so no one would see her face and guess what she was feeling and thinking.

Why did her chest ache with unshed tears? After all, John had not gone with them, preferring to stay and protect Strachleigh.

“Someone has to defend England, in case there’s another rebellion or an invasion.” John had sniffed and then spat on the ground beside him with that now-familiar look of his, his head lifting high, his eyes half-closed. She had come to associate that heavy-lidded expression with a pretense of indifference. But what her brother was really thinking or feeling, she had no idea.

Secretly she had hoped her brother would say something like, “I can’t go because I must protect my sister.” But if he was staying for her sake, he wasn’t saying so.

As she lay hugging her pillow to her chest, missing her fatherfor at least the hundredth time that week, she let her thoughts go to Sir Berenger.

The handsome knight had been a genuine friend to her, always talking honestly and openly with her, but he had never seemed to look at her as anything but a friend, the sister of his fellow knight, and his sister Delia’s helper.

Mazy tended to stay away from the other guards, careful not to be alone with them. In addition to her father’s long-ago warning, there was something about the way they looked at her, a slyness in their expressions. But Sir Berenger was different. He had made her feel protected, as if he cared about her. Now that he was leaving, Strachleigh would feel very different.

Life was strange and intimidating now that her father was gone and Warin had disowned her. And her hopes and expectations about John had proved to be unfounded. He rarely even spoke to her, and he certainly didn’t speak to her about her future or what he might do to help her. She no longer expected him to help her find a husband.

She hated feeling that she needed her brother’s help, especially since he was so reluctant to give it. And she could certainly protect herself. After all, she knew how to shoot an arrow and throw a knife better than most of the squires training to be knights.

She could defend herself, if need be, and she could procure food for herself, with her knowledge of traps and tracking and fishing. She even knew which mushrooms in the forest were edible and which were poisonous.

But now that Sir Berenger was leaving, perhaps for morethan a year, the thought of him being killed in battle was a deep pain she could actually feel, something she had to reject and expel from her mind or it would overwhelm her.

She would see him again. In her spirit she was sure of it.

***

“I’ve decided to join the king’s guards in London,” John said, “and you can come with me, if you don’t wish to stay here.”

Mazy stared at John with her mouth open. “Why?”

John blew out an irritated breath. “Do you think I can achieve anything while sitting here in Bedfordshire, training squires? I can never be recognized by the king here. I could die and never be noticed, a pauper living out of an outbuilding on someone else’s estate.”

John overstated everything.

“I’m a knight! Do you expect me to do nothing with my skills?”

“You may do as you wish, of course. I am sure you know best.” John’s anger had taught her to speak blandly to him. He had said he wanted to stay in order to protect Strachleigh, but she decided it best not to point that out.

John let out a long, slow breath, as though his pique of temper had passed.

“I am leaving in two days, as I’ve been offered a position as a captain in the guard at the Tower of London.” He finally looked her in the eye. “You may come with me, if you like, or you may stay here,” he repeated.