Page 10 of A Stormy Season

“Mr. Watley and I have a few more things to talk about, if you wish to go,” Henry said quietly.

Jane nodded to them and left the room.

Could it be that Mr. Watley was such an exceptional man? Or was there a reason, some sort of fault of his, that had put him in his present predicament? Though it seemed unkind to lay any blame, she didn’t like that she was suddenly so wont to think well of Mr. Watley. It felt safer to think ill of him.

She remembered how he’d been surrounded by young unmarried ladies at the ball a couple of nights ago, and she’d indulged in feelings of contempt for him, so newly widowed, enjoying so much attention. It was easier—safer, as she’d already acknowledged—to think of him that way than to realize how unselfish he was to come and warn her of danger while exposing himself to ridicule by bringing attention to the behavior of his first wife.

Surely nothing would come of it. She did regret, however, that the adorable little boy who had begged her to play with him was no longer in London and there was no chance of her seeing him again, at least for a while.

Chapter Four

Luke sighed and rubbed his chin, once again staring out the window at the streetlights.

Henry Gilchrist, who was a Member of Parliament and the head of a committee that investigated threats to the country and the monarchy, had installed two soldiers at Luke’s home to make sure everyone in the household was safe from nefarious intruders. Henry was concerned that the attacker might decide to come back to finish off Cobb so that he couldn’t identify him.

Cobb was in bed, unconscious but still breathing. The physician and surgeon agreed that it was probably best he not be moved, and he needed watching over.

Would this nightmare never end? The servants had done their best to clean the rooms—all but Anne’s, which Luke purposely left as it was when it was ransacked. Henry would send someone to help him go through the room and carefully look, in case the intruder had missed something. But Luke was left with many feelings, including rage at the intruder, rage at Lenoir, and wave after wave of sadness.

God, where are you?

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

He felt comforted by the words, even as he struggled to understand them. With a sigh, he determined to get his thoughts off these emotions that threatened to tear him in two. There had to be a clear path forward, and he had to get control of his emotions. He couldn’t go his whole life being angry with God and angry with his wife—she was dead, for heaven’s sake.

Luke sighed again and ran his hand through his hair. Forgiveness seemed the key to peace of mind, and he had to forgive because God required it. But how could he forgive people who weren’t sorry and didn’t acknowledge what they had done to him? How was that even possible? His mind and heart both rebelled.

Of course, in moments like this, he had to reflect on the fact that God had forgiven him of every careless word, thought, and action, all of his outright sins, and that was one reason he must forgive each person who wronged him, including Anne and Lenoir.

People had told him that it would get easier. Perhaps that was what he should focus his thoughts on—that the passing of time would eventually make this all less painful.

His first reaction was to hold onto anger and pride, and he’d even lashed out at a few people who had only been trying to help him. But for Jeffrey’s sake he had to let go of the anger and pride. Jeffrey now had no other close family. Luke’s parents and most of his family were gone. He’d never had siblings, and at the moment he felt that those who were from large families were the fortunate ones. He felt so alone.

Once again, he began to wonder if remarrying was the answer to his pain. If he could remarry, have more children, he wouldn’t feel alone. He could crowd out the pain and bad memories with happiness and hope. And once again, it wasn’t so much his own wisdom and rational thinking that stopped him from that path. It was his fear, the fear that he might marry another woman like Anne who would rip his heart out and trample on his self-respect, who would be unfaithful and humiliate him. And he could not endure that again.

Was there something wrong with him? Was he not man enough for the kind of woman he wanted? Perhaps, instead of marrying an intelligent woman with ideas and opinions of her own, a strong-willed woman—which was the kind of woman he’d always been attracted to—he should marry a gentle, quiet, unassuming woman, someone who would say yes to anything he suggested, who would never wish to travel without him or do anything other than stay home and manage their children and household.

Such a woman did not particularly appeal to him, but he was certain that she was exactly what he needed and was the key to his happiness. He had married someone he was attracted to, but next time he would marry sensibly.

If he was honest, when he watched Jane Gilchrist playing with Jeffrey in the park that morning, his heart had nearly leapt out of his chest. How kind and playful she was, giving Jeffrey her undivided attention, making him smile and laugh more than even Luke was able to make him laugh lately.

In those moments, he had been very drawn to Jane, had thought her the prettiest woman he’d ever seen—the way she smiled and the artless way she played with Jeffrey. But she was not quiet or unassuming. He’d even heard a rumor that she was part owner of a shop in London. Besides that, she’d never shown any interest in him, either before he married Anne nor since her death, and he would not marry another woman who didn’t love or care for him.

Luke would be wise this time. He would choose a woman who was docile and accommodating, who gave him all her attention, even if he didn’t feel particularly attracted to her. Attraction could not be important when choosing a wife, because he had been very attracted to Anne, and he saw how that had turned out.

But at this point in his life, he wasn’t sure he would be able to trust even a quiet and compliant woman enough to marry her. What if she changed once they were married?

No, he wasn’t ready to marry. He would focus on taking care of Jeffrey. The poor child had no mother, but Luke was determined to be both mother and father to him, to give him whatever he needed. Luke knew what it was like to be an orphan, and the last thing he wanted was for his son to suffer.

Or to marry another faithless, troubled, troublesome woman.

~ ~ ~

Jane awakened during the night. She tried to go back to sleep but her thoughts were full of Luke Watley and all that he and his son had been through. It seemed strange, but she couldn’t seem to get Luk’s face out of her mind—the way he had looked when he was warning her about the small chance that she might be in danger, the sadness in his eyes. He looked as if he had not been sleeping very well either.

She got up and poured herself a glass of water, taking a sip as she went to the window. She didn’t bother to light a candle. She was familiar enough with her room, and there was enough light from the streetlamps.

As she gazed down at the street below, she noticed a bit of movement. As she stared, she could make out two men standing under the lamp below, and they were both gazing up at her house.