Page 46 of Veil of Winter

“Whatever do you mean?” Ysa looked as if she might laugh.

Elyce lay on a blanket beside her servant next to the small fire. They’d found shelter under a rock outcropping, and the men were sleeping on the other side of the fire. Elyce kept glancing at Sir Gerard, as she had all afternoon and evening.

How could she explain to Ysa what she was asking?

“You know me better than anyone. Do you think I’m too emotional to be likable?”

“Are you worrying about what Rodrigo said? He’s a donkey of a man. You know that.”

She loved Ysa for saying that about Rodrigo, but . . . “I truly want to know. Do you think anyone could love a woman who gets angry and yells, who cries, sometimes several times in one day?” Elyce had never confessed that about herself before. She oftencried when she was just thinking of something sad that might happen in the future, or of something that had happened in the past. Of course, she only did that when no one was around. Until Sir Gerard had seen her crying just the day before. How embarrassed she had been. She’d tried to pretend it was nothing. He’d been so kind, saying it wasn’t silly if she was sad, that she’d almost started crying again.

“Ohhhh.” Ysa nodded, a knowing smile spreading across her face. “I see.”

“What do you mean?”

“You think you are in love with Sir Gerard.”

Think?Shewasin love with Sir Gerard. She loved him, everything about him, and she’d never felt this way before. Just admitting it to herself made her heart skip and race and a smile spread over her face. She wanted to tell the world! She’d never been in love, but how could this feeling be anything else?

When she did not immediately answer, Ysa continued. “You want to know if Sir Gerard might love you, too, and want to marry you. But he is only a knight.” Ysa spoke the words so quietly, Elyce could barely hear her, even though their faces were the length of her hand away from each other. “He is not worthy to marry a princess.”

“Why do you say such a thing? I should think any woman would want to marry him. Is it so strange I should marry a knight? And you have not answered my question. Am I unlovable?” Elyce pressed her hand over her eyes, groaning inwardly.

“You are very emotional, but you have overcome this problem, mostly. You still get in a passion sometimes, but once youare married . . .” Ysa shrugged her shoulders. “Your husband will grow accustomed to your temperament.”

But Elyce did not wish for her husband to just grow accustomed to her. She wanted him to love her.

Her father and aunt had made her believe that anyone who knew how emotional she was would despise her. Elyce tried so hard to control her emotions, but they would have their say sometimes. Besides, life without emotion seemed... oppressive. Like her aunt. Like her father. Like King Claude.

“You mustn’t fall in love with a man just because you kissed him.”

Elyce’s cheeks heated. “I did not fall in love with him because of his kiss.”

“Then you do love him?”

“I do.” It was both frightening and freeing to admit it out loud.

“What was it like to kiss him? Did you enjoy it?” Ysa’s voice had taken on a breathless excitement.

“Ysa!” Elyce couldn’t help a nervous laugh escaping her lips.

“Well? You did enjoy it, didn’t you?”

“I cannot believe you would ask me that.”

They both laughed, quietly giggling and stifling the sound with their hands. Truthfully, she had enjoyed it. What was more, she felt Sir Gerard had, too, the way he leaned in and put his arm around her.

“I was so afraid of his reaction, was so focused on making Rodrigo believe it, I hardly remember it. It happened so fast.” That was true enough.

“It was your first kiss, unless you count the time when Sir Gerard woke you from your sleeping-potion sleep.”

“That was not a kiss. He was only going to blow air into my mouth, something he saw a physician do to revive a man who had stopped breathing.”

“I suppose that was not a kiss, but what you did today certainly was.”

“It was very brief, and it will never happen again, so there is no use talking of it.” She immediately realized that she hoped that wasn’t true. But she wasn’t ready to confess that to Ysa.

“You deny us both what little pleasure can be had on this trip.”