Page 73 of Castle of Refuge

“I’m trying to help you get what you want.”

“Why would you want to help me? Why would you want to die?”

He had to take care he did not say the wrong thing. Audrey was a wonderful, amazing woman, so very dear, and he couldn’t bear to see harm come to her. But Maris would not appreciate him saying that, and she was mad but not necessarily daft.

“I am willing to die because I will be remembered as a man who lost his arm saving his brothers, and Audrey will know I gave my life for her. That will be enough for me.”

“Perhaps Umfrey will kill you and then we will kill Audrey anyway.”

He had thought of that. But if she truly had no qualms about killing her sister, she probably would have already killed her. He was offering her a way out, a reason not to take Audrey’s life.

“You could kill her, but you would be wasting an opportunity to win your father’s approval. Just think how he will feel when you tell him you rescued her. And you can bribe someone at the convent not to send any of her letters to her father. That should be a simple thing to accomplish. You can write letters for her, telling your father what a courageous and loyal sister you are.”

It was a strange way for him to save Audrey, an outlandish scenario, but Maris was an outlandish person, bitter and spiteful and clearly not right in her head. He couldn’t help feeling some pity for her, but he was more concerned with saving Audrey.

“This sounds like a plan that I... but I will have to think about it.” She nodded her head. “Umfrey, tie him up so he can’t escape.”

At least he had bought them some time. How was Audrey faring? She hadn’t spoken. Her face was a bit pale, but she otherwise looked strong. Now he just had to pray. God was their only hope.

***

Audrey wanted to weep at Edwin’s suggestion that Maris kill him and let her live. But instead of crying, she chose to pray silently, as fervently as she ever had in her life.

She watched Umfrey tie Edwin’s ankles together and then tie his torso to a tree, while Maris did the same to Audrey.Her sister tied the hemp rope so tight it cut into her skin on her ankles and her wrists, and the rope squeezed her stomach uncomfortably as she secured it around the tree.

“This time she won’t be able to untie her bonds,” Maris said with a smile, talking about Audrey as if she weren’t there. But Audrey remained silent, sensing her voice and her words would only incense Maris.

All the ways God might rescue them were going through her head.God, You could send Edwin’s men here to save us. You could cause Umfrey to disobey Maris and set us free.She kept praying, until she realized what she was doing—suggesting to God how He might help them.

Of course God had already thought of the same ways they might be saved, and more. She didn’t need to tell Him what to do. But thinking about how they might get away seemed better than imagining all the terrible things that might happen, how it would feel to die, and worse, how it would feel to watch Edwin die.

Thinking about his kiss made her want to cry. What if she never got to kiss him again? What if she was never able to discover all the things about him that made him so unique and wonderful? What if they were perfect for each other but never got to be together?

She had to stop thinking about such things. But it had been so heavenly to see the tenderness in his eyes, to know that he wanted to kiss her as much as she wanted to kiss him.

But perhaps she shouldn’t have kissed him. If she hadn’t, they might have noticed Maris and Umfrey sneaking up on them,might have been alert enough to get away from them and not get captured.I’m so sorry, God, for getting us captured.God would forgive her, and perhaps He would save them.

She gazed over at Edwin—Lord Dericott. Would he let her call him Edwin? She always imagined calling her husband by his given name, the way his family would. If she wasn’t closer to her husband than his parents and siblings were, then that was not a man she wanted to marry. Her marriage would be loving and close and intense or she would not be happy. She knew that much about herself. After all, she’d been waiting all her life to feel loved and cherished.

Edwin’s face was so dear, so very dear. And since he had not been able to shave for a day, the lower half was covered in short dark stubble, giving him a manly, rugged look. He was so handsome, a good man, full of courage and integrity. He hated that he had lost an arm, hated the way it made him feel weak, but it also made him vulnerable, and she liked that. How could she tell him that without offending him? If he were perfect, if he never needed help, how could they grow closer? Because she was not perfect and she often needed help.

Having two arms did not make a man good or strong. Surely he would see that.

“I have decided,” Maris said suddenly, nodding to Umfrey and walking toward Edwin. “I will do what Lord Dericott proposed. I will kill him and let Audrey live.”

“No!” Audrey gasped. “No, please.” She couldn’t bear it. She strained against her bonds, pulling at the rope that tied her wrists together, even though it was cutting into her skin. Sheleaned forward against the rope around her stomach, but nothing gave way.

She should probably pretend not to care, but she’d done that and it hadn’t worked.God, please! Please help.

“It is all right,” Edwin was saying.

She turned and looked into his eyes, even though it hurt so much to see him, knowing he was sacrificing himself for her.

“I want to do it. Let me do this one last thing to protect you.”

The intensity of his gaze wrung a sob from her throat.

Maris laughed. Such an ugly sound. How could she laugh? How could she be so cruel? But Audrey would not spend her last moments with Edwin worrying about Maris. She had to tell him how she felt. She couldn’t let him sacrifice himself without knowing...