Page 36 of Castle of Refuge

She climbed the steps. Were they talking about her? But Lord Dericott did not know who she was. She was safe, was she not? But how long would Sir Clement stay? He would surely seeher. She would ask to work in the kitchens so that she could stay hidden. But what if he came in the kitchen to fetch some food? No, she wasn’t safe here anymore.

She continued on up to the upstairs bedrooms.

Sir Clement would force her to marry him. Or perhaps he no longer wanted to marry her, after she’d been so disrespectful to her father as to run away from home. Regardless, Sir Clement would surely tell her father where she was.

She thought back to the evening when she ran away. Why had she done it? Yes, she’d been unhappy about having to marry a man who was more than twice her age. She hadn’t realized until that moment when she’d been told she would have to marry Sir Clement just how much she wanted to marry for love.

But it was Maris, seeing Maris’s taunting face and hearing her snide voice, that had pushed her to take such a desperate step.

And now that she might be dragged back to her father’s castle and to Maris, she couldn’t bear to let it happen. She liked feeling safe and being with good people like Mistress Wattlesbrook, Joan and the others servants, and Lord Dericott, feeling as though her father and Maris had no idea where she was and could not control her. She was happy at Dericott Castle.

Audrey ran to the room where she’d been sleeping since she arrived, where they had continued to allow her to sleep even though she had recovered from her illness. She would miss Dericott Castle, and she might never find a place so good again. But she had to leave, and quickly.

She knew what she had to do.

She threw her clothing into her old bag. Should she take the servant’s clothing Lord Dericott had provided for her? It felt wrong to do so, so she changed into her own dress and left her servant’s dress on the bed.

She took up her bag, her hands shaking. She did not feel good about leaving. In fact, her stomach felt sick and her chest heavy.

“God, am I doing the right thing? Tell me what to do,” she whispered. But she couldn’t hear a response from Him. Her thoughts were whirling around in her head, fearful, anxious thoughts. Her heart was beating so hard, and she kept imagining Lord Dericott and Sir Clement bursting into the room with scowls on their faces, saying, “You should not have run away from your father.”

She imagined Mistress Wattlesbrook joining them, admonishing her with, “It was a childish thing to do,” and shaking her head at her.

Their disapproval would crush her. And then they would send her back with Sir Clement. Or they would hold her captive here until her father sent his men to fetch her. She’d be back at home with Maris, who would laugh at her for failing to get away. What kind of vicious scheme would she devise next to torment Audrey?

Her father would be less inclined to protect her from Maris. He would probably accuse Audrey of also being mad. And perhaps she was, but her sister had driven her to leave. Just the sight of her after almost four years of her being away at the convent had brought back all the fear, all the pain of feeling as though her father had not loved her enough to protect her.

Leaving must be the right thing to do. She couldn’t bear being forced to go back home.

She lifted her bag, which was light with her few belongings, her thoughts spinning in a frantic whirl.

***

Edwin hurried to find Mistress Wattlesbrook. She was in the kitchen talking with the cooks. Her eyes flew wide when she saw him. She rushed toward him, no doubt horrified that he, the lord of the castle, would be in the kitchen with the common cooks and kitchen maids.

“My lord, you should have sent someone to fetch me.” She hustled him out of the workspace and into the misty midday air.

“I wish to know where the new servant Audrey is. That is, I need you to go with me to speak to her.”

“Of course, but may I ask what the matter could be? Has she done something wrong?”

“You will hear it all when we find her.”

“Oh dear.” Mistress Wattlesbrook hurried back into the kitchen, and Edwin stood near the doorway as she asked the other servants where they had seen her last.

“She was on her way to strip the beds of their sheets,” the laundry maid said. “But that was an hour ago and I haven’t seen her since. I had to send someone else to do it. She has set us all behind on our tasks.”

Edwin rubbed the back of his neck. Could she have seen Sir Clement and hidden herself? Or even run away again?

He left Mistress Wattlesbrook and ran into the castle, almost losing his balance when he reached the bottom step of the servants’ stairs. He leaned his shoulder against the wall for a moment, until he could get his bearings, then hurried up the steps. He went down the corridor on the first floor, looking into each room and calling her name.

“Audrey.”

But he did not see her. In fact, he did not see anyone until he went up to the next floor and saw a servant coming out of a bedchamber, her arms full of bedsheets.

“My lord,” she said, bowing to him.

“Have you seen the maiden Audrey?”