Page 12 of Castle of Refuge

Audrey cast about in her mind where she might run away to, though she knew that was impossible.

By the time Sybil had finished helping her get into her best dress, Audrey’s hands were shaking. But she followed Sybil down the stairs to the Great Hall.

Sir Clement said little to her as he and Father talked. His eyes flitted to her, but he seemed too nervous to hold eye contact with her. Toward the end of the meal, Sir Clement started to look at her more often. He had more gray hair than brown, and he ate with his face near the table, as if he were afraid it might not make it to his mouth if he did not lean down close. Could she love a man like him? Would he treat her well? Would she even be able to kiss him without gagging? His face was leathery and wrinkled, and though she knew he wasn’t, he looked older than Father, as if being too much in the sun had worn out his skin.

Finally, he turned the conversation around to her. “Your father tells me you like to read and embroider.”

“That is true.” Audrey willed her voice not to tremble.

“Your sister was here the first time I met you, if I recallcorrectly. Isn’t she the same sister who burned your face? Do you mind if I see it?”

Was he actually asking to see her scars? She froze, her face growing hot.

“Go on and show him,” her father prompted. He gestured to her with his hand, his eyes fixed on her.

Wishing she could disappear through the floor, Audrey lifted her hair to show the man her scarred ear and the scarred skin in front of it.

“It isn’t so bad,” Sir Clement said softly as he sat perfectly still.

Audrey couldn’t meet his eyes. She let her hair drop over her scars again.

No one spoke for a long moment, then Sir Clement went back to his conversation with her father about horses and how much to pay for a good brood mare and stallion.

Audrey’s cheeks continued to burn. How dare this man and her father treat her like horseflesh to be appraised, bought, and sold. Her dignity had been snatched away and discarded just as her sister had thrown her into the fire and ruined her face.

She should sit with her head held high, with her eyes sparking fire and threatening to ignite into a firestorm of spirit. Instead, she kept her gaze on the table while holding back the tears. After all, she did not care what this man thought of her. But if she was forced to marry him... She just couldn’t imagine it. He could never love her the way she’d dreamed of.

When Audrey was finally allowed to go to her room, she fled, hurrying away as fast as she could. She entered the corridorand made her way toward the stairs. She caught a glimpse of someone standing at the far end, near the front entrance.

Suddenly, her stomach threatened to lose the dinner she’d just eaten. Maris was home.

She rushed to the stairs and took them two at a time, ran the rest of the way to her bedchamber, then closed and locked the door.

Three

The next day Audrey opened her eyes and immediately remembered the horrors of the day before. She was to marry Sir Clement, and her sister was home.

She simply would not leave her room. She could send for her breakfast and dinner and spend her time reading. As long as she stayed in here, she wouldn’t have to see Maris or Sir Clement.

She stayed in her room most of the day, but she could not stay forever. And when Sybil came to attend her before dinner, she shamed her by saying, “You are behaving like a spoiled child. A dutiful daughter does not act this way.”

“I will go downstairs, but only if you go with me, to defend me from Maris if need be.”

Sybil softened her expression. “I will go with you. Of course.”

The first person she saw when she came down was Maris, chattering away with Father and Sir Clement in the Great Hall. Her arms seemed to crawl with bugs and she wanted to turn and run.

“Ah, there is my sister, at long last.” Maris smiled as Audrey entered the room.

Could her sister have truly changed? Had she found goodness and invited it into her heart during her long stay at the abbey?

“Come and sit beside me,” Maris said, patting the bench beside her. But she smiled at Father and Sir Clement, not at Audrey. In fact, her eyes never met Audrey’s.

Maris told stories about being at the monastery, of the activities she’d engaged in there, of how much she enjoyed the piety of it all, the prayers and reverence and beauty of the chapel. She smiled often, but Audrey began to notice the smile was very flat, the corners of her mouth never curving up, and her eyes were cold, dark, and distant.

How good it would be if it were true—if Maris felt a love for God and others, if she had truly changed into the sister Audrey wished for. But the hollow feeling in her stomach told her that her wish had not come true.

The longer she sat there listening to her sister talk, hearing her feigned laugh and enduring her unnatural smile, pretending to ignore Sir Clement’s curious stares, the more Audrey’s legs fidgeted under the table. Would she be allowed to leave once the last course of food had been brought out?