Page 10 of Castle of Refuge

“The convent asked him to take her back. Your father would not say why.”

No doubt Maris had shown her jealousy and spite to someone who also did not deserve it. But Audrey said nothing. She did not wish to draw Sybil’s criticism, Sybil, who always turned a blind eye to wrongdoing in anyone she felt a loyalty to. Such dogged loyalty was a trait Audrey could not understand, not when she was desperate for someone to protect her from Maris.

“You are still quite beautiful, my dear,” Sybil said softly. “The lovely vision of your mother, in fact, though I do believe you are even fairer than she was.”

Audrey’s habit for the past four years had been to pull a lock of her hair over the side of her face to hide her scars. But sometimes, when she was home and comfortable and knew no one was around but the servants, she forgot. Now Sybil reached out and smoothed the hair down over her scarred ear. “There. No one can even see any scars. You are as beautiful as ever, and more so, as you are beautiful in your heart as well as outwardly.”

But she was damaged, as far as any husband would think ofher. Many men would even consider her cursed. Scars were not from God, they thought, but were a curse of the devil. And in her case, it was certainly true. She’d been cursed to have a sister like Maris as well as being cursed permanently with the visible consequences of her sister’s viciousness.

“When is Maris coming?” Audrey had to get away. Perhaps she could go to live with her aunt and uncle in Derbyshire. Maybe she could find work in a candle shop like Helena, or some other shop, where she could earn enough to support herself. She thought she had let go of her longing to become something remarkable, to do something important in life, but thinking of marrying Sir Clement made her dream seem more impossible, though she wasn’t exactly sure why. And it was breaking her heart.

“She is expected in a few days, and Sir Clement is arriving today.”

“And Father arranged it that way, I suppose. Did he ask you to tell me?”

“Yes.”

“He’s a coward.”

“Don’t say such things about your father, Audrey. It is disrespectful.”

Was it respectful to one’s daughter to endanger her? But to her father, she didn’t matter. She was only a girl, not worthy of respect. Audrey had learned a long time ago that she might be a viscount’s daughter, but she had no power over her own life.

She had to take care of herself. Her father had not protected her from Maris when they were children, so how could she trust him to protect her now?

Audrey left Sybil and went to find her father, her hands suddenly clenching into fists. She had to confront him, to say something. How could she not object to her father bringing Maris home after what she had done to her?

She soon found him in the Great Hall, eating and talking with his steward.

“Father, may I have a word in private with you?” Her voice shook.

Her father stared as if sizing her up. “Fitz-Herbert,” he said to his steward, “you may leave. I shall speak with you later.”

As soon as the man had passed through the doorway, her father frowned at her. “I do not like that expression of anger on your face. It does not become you.”

“And I do not like being forced to live with the woman who changed my life forever, who took away my hope of marrying well.” Truly, she did not care about marrying well for its own sake, but Father did not know that. He had never understood that she cared more about being loved and about living her life to help others. And if she had married well, she could have done more good in the world. Now what hope was there?

“Are you truly going to bring her back here after what she did to me?” Audrey’s voice cracked as the tears flooded her eyes.

“I am not ‘bringing her back.’” Father spoke slowly and deliberately. “The convent is sending her away. She has nowhere else to go. Would you have me disown her and allow her to fend for herself? To die in a ditch somewhere?”

Audrey’s breath was coming fast and shallow. She wanted to scream and yell, but what good would it do? Her father’sface was hard and he was glaring at her. And if Maris truly had nowhere else to go . . .

“Cannot you send her to live with relatives, someone? Or another monastery? Surely there is somewhere else she could go.” Was she being unreasonable to ask such a thing? But how could she bear to have her peace and freedom and tranquility taken away, after the balm of the last four years and not having to worry every minute about what Maris might do next to her?

Her father leveled another cold look at her. “You will be leaving soon to marry Sir Clement. Perhaps she will be less contentious once you are married and gone.”

As if Maris’s behavior was Audrey’s fault. Audrey spoke from between clenched teeth. “I am not the problem. I’ve done nothing to cause her to treat me the way she does.” It suddenly occurred to her, “You are sending me away this time, to marry a man I do not wish to marry.”

“Just what would you have me do?”

“I cannot talk to you about this anymore. I’m going for a walk.” She turned and hurried out, her father silent behind her.

Audrey had always been the good, quiet daughter, but not this time. She would defy her father, Sir Clement, and Maris. She would not allow them to choke the joy, the life, out of her.

The sun was high overhead and felt warm and good now that it was summer and the trees and flowers were in full bloom. She determined that she would go talk with her friend. Perhaps Helena would understand how she was feeling. Certainly Helena would not wish to marry an old man like Sir Clement. She would understand that Audrey must escape this fate.

She ran most of the way through the meadow, which was her shortcut to the road that led through the middle of the village. She headed straight for Helena’s candle shop.