Page 62 of A Dangerous Engagement

“That is so incredibly kind and generous, I hardly know what to say. I would like to marry soon, just perhaps not quite as soon as Mr.Ratley would like.”

“Why, what do you mean?”

“Oh, just that Mr.Ratley wishes us to marry in a few days, but I ... I do not know if I am ready ... just yet. Perhaps we could wait three or four weeks. I believe that would give me enough time to settle my nervousness about being married.”

“Oh, I can tell you all about the marriage bed,” Lady Blackstone said, waving her hand in the air and looking amused. “Having been married three times, I can prepare you for anything you might encounter, anything you might worry about—anything, in short, that you might be frightened or unsure about. Knowledge is power, my dear.”

Felicity’s stomach tied itself in a knot, even as heat infused her cheeks.

“Please, do not tell me anything until the night before the wedding, I beg you, my lady.”

Lady Blackstone laughed, throwing her head back. But her sounds of mirth died away as she shook her head slowly back and forth. Then she took Felicity’s hand. “You and our dear Oliver shall be very happy together, never fear.”

“Thank you.”

“You must not let fear stand in your way.” Lady Blackstone curled her lip when she said the wordfearand rolled her eyes, much as Felicity’s friend Leorah often did. But she suspected Lady Blackstone was rolling her eyes at Felicity, something Leorah would never do.

“I only want to feel a bit more comfortable with my future husband, to know him better, his thoughts and feelings.” Which was quite true. “Mr.Ratley and I—”

“You may drop the formalities, my dear. Call him by his given name. Call him Oliver.”

“Very well. Oliver and I became engaged so quickly and suddenly, and I thought we might have a long engagement, to get to know one another better. You might remember that I had no notion that he was involved in a plan to revolt against the government when I agreed to marry him.”

“Yes, exactly.” Lady Blackstone’s eyelids drooped, shading her gaze. “It makes me wonder if perhaps you have decided not to marry him after all.”

“Lady Blackstone, please. Why would you say such a thing? I hope you do not say this to my dear Mr.Rat—to Oliver.”

“I only wonder because of what you say—that you did not know of his sensibilities and political opinions when you became engaged to him. And now, when Oliver wishes to marry you and take care of you, you shun him.”

“Shun him? I only asked for a bit more time. I see no reason to think that he will be killed—you make it sound as if he will almost surely be.” Felicity allowed her true distress at being so questioned to bring up some quite real tears. “The thought of Oliver fighting and ... and—”

She had to stop speaking and bite her lip to keep from crying.

“There, there, my dear. I am sorry I pressed you so, but I did want to know if your feelings for Oliver were true and deep, as true and deep as his are for you.” Lady Blackstone rubbed her shoulder, and Felicity suppressed a shudder.

She took out her handkerchief and wiped her face and blew her nose.

“Now, then, how much time do you think you need?” Lady Blackstone asked.

Surely Mr.Merrick could have all the secret information copied within days—which would leave him free to leave, to escape to London to ensure the information reached the Home Office. Perhaps they would all run away in the middle of the night, even if Felicity had to saddle her own horse and Auntie’s too and ride until she reached the safety of London. Oh, to be home! To see her mother’s sweet face and wrap her arms around Elizabeth.

“Two weeks? Yes, I think two weeks would be enough time.”

“In two weeks Oliver will be away leading the rebellion. One week seems ample time, with the two of you together every day. Then you will have a week together as man and wife.”

“I don’t want to interfere with his planning of strategies and meetings and the various duties he has.”

Lady Blackstone clicked her tongue against her teeth. “Poor Oliver. He was hoping to wed at the end of this week. I shall try to placate him, but it might be difficult.”

What did Lady Blackstone want her to say? Was she fishing for something? “I ... I just love him so much. I don’t want to disappoint him when we are married. I want to feel perfectly comfortable with him. You understand, don’t you? As women, we cannot so easily enter into such a close physical relationship as men seem to be able to do. We need time and conversation.”God, please let her say she understands.

Lady Blackstone stared up at the clouds. “I do believe you are correct. Do you know, you have a very wise understanding of human nature, especially for a girl of your age and so little experience.” She smiled and touched Felicity’s jawline. “But perhaps it is because you have so many brothers and sisters. Several of your siblings are married, I believe, and you were able to observe the characteristics of men versus women.”

“Yes, I think that is so.” Felicity let out the breath that had stuck in her throat.

“Very well, my dear. I shall request to our dear Oliver that he wait ten days. That is a little less time than you wanted but a little longer than he wished to wait. He may be disappointed, but as you insinuated, it is not good for men to always get their way.” She winked. “He shall be the better for being forced to wait, I daresay.”

Felicity had to hope that they would all be able to escape before ten days’ time. “Thank you, my lady.”