Page 50 of Embrace

I stand so abruptly, I knock my knee against the table, shaking the utensils. “You…youreadit?”

For the first time since he started talking, I think it’s finallydawned on him that he did something wrong. “I didn’t mean to, but I wasn’t sure whose it was and then I opened it and—”

“You read it. You read my letter.”

“I found it in…”

I don’t hear the rest of his explanation because my ears start ringing, my face burning from the embarrassment of him reading what I wrote.

He knows.I grab my bag, stuffing my notebooks inside and pulling my phone off the charger. I can’t do it. I can’t stand here and take someone’s interpretation of my life.

“Scar,” Kian calls in a mix of fear and disbelief, but I don’t stop. I can’t.

My jacket’s shoved in my bag, and I don’t bother putting it on even as I walk out of Porter’s and step into the downpour.

There are heavy footsteps behind me, but I can’t find it in me to stop or even turn around when he calls my name. I’m only halfway across the quad when he catches up to me. He continues to walk beside me, not touching me or pulling me to stop like I expect him to. Even now, when he’s desperate for me to listen, he doesn’t force me to do anything.

“That was stupid. I shouldn’t have done that. I fucked up, Scar.”

I don’t say anything.He knows.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I even thought it was okay for me to look at that letter and then bring it up to you,” he speaks louder over the rain. “Do anything you want. Get even.”

I scoff and stop so suddenly he’s still walking before he realizes. “It’s not about getting even, Kian.”

His shoulders fall so suddenly, I’m surprised he doesn’t crumble all at once.

“I can’t do this right now. I’ll find you a tutor to make up for what I missed today.”

His face falls. “You won’t tutor me?”

I can’t look at him right now. “I don’t want this to be more complicated than it is. I think we can call it.”

“Call what?”

“You and me. Whatever this was. We’re even. You got what you wanted, right?”

“I upset you” is all he says.

“I’ll be fine.”

I don’t hear the rest of his words because I take off again. This time he doesn’t follow me.

I’m soaked by the time I get to the dorm, and so is the stupid letter. I still manage to peel it open and skim through my word vomit. This one is a recap letter, the one I send every year as I start school. It’s around the same time Victor was sentenced, and I can never manage to talk through it all so I write it. That’s the letter Kian happened to read, the one in which I laid myself bare. Even the greeting is personal. Victor would always purposely spell it wrong because it made me laugh. I’d even left it unfinished near the end because it felt too intimate, even for me.

The heat of shame and embarrassment covers me entirely, and I stop shivering from the cold touch of my sopping-wet clothes.

“Why are you standing by the door?” Sierra calls, popping her head up from where she was hunched by our kettle. “You’re soaked!”

I blink away the tears brimming in my eyes, bowing my head down and trying to distract her from my face. “I’m fine. Just didn’t expect the rain.”

Sierra tuts. “This is why I always have Dale on. He’d be so disappointed.”

I crack a weak smile. “You’re right. That’s on me.” I head toward my room. “I’m exhausted, I’m going to sleep.”

“Weren’t you supposed to go to the shelter today?”

“I called in,” I tell her.