Page 37 of Embrace

“Making you sleep on the floor or our crappy couch would make me a terrible host. We can sleep together; it’s not a big deal.”

“Scarlett.”

“What?”

“The floor is fine. I’ve crammed myself on the foot of a bed at away games. I’ve slept with feet in my face more than once. So a floor—yourfloor—doesn’t even come close.”

She obliges, and when we’re getting the floor ready, she’s giving me all her thickest blankets and refuses to let me argue. She shows me the bathroom a few doors down and tells me about the communal showers. I don’t dare use those.

Once the lights are off, I’m nearly drifting to sleep when she clears her throat. I open one eye to find her watching me over the edge of the bed. “Are you asleep?”

“No.”

“Are you annoyed at your sister for not telling you about your mom?” she asks.

I let out a sigh. “I was, but I get it. She’s dealt with her on her own all these years and thinking of me isn’t her priority. I’d rather she use that time to take care of herself than worry about telling me.”

She listens intently, and by now my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, though she didn’t close the blinds, so the streetlamps cast a soft glow into the room.

“Does she have help?”

“The nurse, I guess. Joban, Kiyomi’s husband, is usually therefor whatever she needs. I just don’t think she tells him when she needs it. She doesn’t tell anybody.”

“Not even you.”

“Sometimes I think these secrets she keeps from me are her way of fulfilling her promise to my dad. She thinks I don’t remember, but a week after his funeral, she let it slip that he told her to protect me. I love my dad, but I hate that he put that pressure on her.”

“So she’s trying to be that for you. A protector? Shielding you from all the bad?”

“She thinks that’s what she’s doing. I want to snap her out of that.”

I can’t quite place it, but being here, in this room, with Scarlett, makes me feel the same way I do when I get all the guys together and it’s a full house. Like everything else could fall away, and this is all that’s worth it. The present moment.

“But you didn’t today because you didn’t want to stress her out.”

“Yeah, I guess not.” Ki’s sigh alone told me more than her words ever could. I miss my sister. I miss her smile, her laugh, the way she used to dream. I feel responsible for taking that away from her.

My parents gave everything to send me to Connecticut, and I didn’t think about Kiyomi for even a second. Sometimes, I think she resents me for it, but that alone makes her resent herself. It’s a destructive cycle, and she’s been stuck in it for four years.

“Don’t you get tired?” Scarlett asks, breaking through my thoughts. “Of being so happy all the time.”

I stare at her. “What else is there to be?”

“Annoyed, sad, irritated, fucking pissed off. There’s so much to feel, yet I’ve only seen you smiling through all of it.”

I feign offence. “You don’t like my smile?”

She rolls her eyes. “That look you get in your eyes when someone says they have to leave early, or when you’re on the phone with your sister. I know life is great when you’re happy and positive, but it’salso great when you release all that other shit. It’s pretty fucking great to scream or cry sometimes.”

She catches me smiling again and throws up her hands. “Fine. I’m wrong and clearly sent by the world’s evils to corrupt your happy-go-lucky spirit.” She shakes her head, stopping before settling back in her bed. “For what it’s worth, I like you happy, Kian, but I’d like you sad too.”

Those words don’t let me fall asleep for a long, long time.

Twelve

Scarlett

I expect towake up alone, just like I was when I closed my eyes last night. But clearly the distant fantasies in my head decided to become a reality. Because I’m not in my bed. I’m on the floor, lying right on top of Kian Ishida.