Page 34 of Flickerstate

The next morning, I arrive early for my meeting with Vik and stand in the dark, surrounded by trees, thinking about what I want to sayto him. Birds chirp. The humid air warms. The black sky tints navy. And my shoulders knot, tenser and tenser.

Until yesterday, I wasn’t worried about how I appeared in flickerstate. When you’re gazing upon the mysteries of time and probability, your ego takes a back seat, even with an ego as touchy as mine. But I’ve failed at channeling because my navhurtspeople. Too bright, too hot. Too much, too painful.

That’s enough to make anyone self-conscious.

And now, if I want to figure out how to channel, I’ll have to discuss all that with Vik, who already makes me burningly self-conscious for reasons I don’t want to acknowledge, let alone examine.

Ugh.Ugh.

Vik walks into the clearing, phone light pooling around his boots. Today he wears a T-shirt with 802 emblazoned across thechest, an outline of Vermont punched into the zero’s center. I almost ask what the number means, but I don’t want to admit my eyes were hovering in the vicinity of his pecs.

“How do I look to you in flickerstate?” I say instead.

He snorts. “Hello, Vik. Good morning, Vik. How’d you sleep, Vik?”

“You look dewy, Vik. I bet you slept like a baby.”

“I did. Thanks.”

“I’m happy for you. Now, I’m actually going somewhere with this, so tell me. What do you see when you look at me in flickerstate?”

He’ll say “fire,” I’m sure. I only ask to lay groundwork for a conversation about using flickerstate concepts to channel.

His stare slides to his boots, which he examines as if they are fascinating. I resolutely do not admire his eyelashes. “Uh,” he says. “Red wings.”

“Okay, so—wait. What?”

“You have red wings. Endless pairs. And there are red feathers clinging to your clothes, your hair.” He shrugs uncomfortably. “Why?”

This answer, so vivid, so alien to my self-experience, wipes the groundwork from my mind. It takes me a second to reorient. “I, um, I was talking with Candace and Bree about flickerstate concepts. About whether we can use them to help with channeling. Do you do that?”

“Privately. I don’t talk about my concepts with my nav partners.”

“Why not?”

“We don’t see the same things. The mismatch makes it harder.”

What does it say about Vik that he inhabits a flickerstate different from other people’s? What does it say about me that he sees me not burning but feathered and winged?It says he doesn’t know you that well. “How do you see yourself?”

“A river. Splitting into streams, reflecting sun. Kind of…gold.”

I nod. “Yesterday I saw you as gold filigree, branching into the air.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of what Jake saw.” He speaks unselfconsciously—but then his face goes blank.

“Jake. Your old blockmate? The one who dropped out?”

“Yeah.” He looks away. “Mirabel sees me as metalwork too.”

Clearly, he doesn’t want to talk about Jake. But my curiosity gets the better of me. I push. “People are saying Jake didn’t drop out. He was expelled for interference.”

“I know,” he says quietly.

“Do you believe it?”

He hesitates. “I’d like not to. Jake…”

I wait.