Page 53 of Fire to the Stars

I should’ve opened the journal the second after I left him with Marshal Bard.

Why didn’t I?

The day I joined the Dames Blanches, Anne-Sophie taught me to pick my marks with a moral code. Usually, I pickpocket men who leer at me. They can look all they want—their coins become a payment for their objectification of me. That code means I can walk away with my pride intact and head held high. With her help, I created a permanent mask: a pushy, selfish, manipulative Claire who takes what she wants and leaves people in the dust.

But in the carriage, Abel—knowing the thief I am—handed me his most valuable possession, no questions asked. For the first time since I left Anne-Sophie, I was given something priceless: trust.

I run my fingers over the beat-up leather. This journal contains a seed of hope, but it’s also Abel’s biggest secret. I press a hand to my chest. My every heartbeat aches with a poisonous twang of guilt. It isn’tfairfor me to feel this. I should take what I deserve without a shred of remorse.

When I tried to kiss Abel, my mask cracked.

I don’t know what I wanted from him. Nothing meaningful, I’m sure. After traveling alone for so long, I only know how to survive.

But I don’t want survival. I want a full life, with a community I can depend on, where Diu’s curse doesn’t dictate my every move. To get that life, I must remember that Abel is a mark. Ameans to an end. I cannot spend my days with him in a fantasy land when I haven’t gotten rid of the monster inside me.

I stroke Lucy, who sleeps curled up at my side.

A silent prayer to the Dames Blanches on my lips, I open the journal and read.

le 3 mai 1760

I started my research by documenting Micah’s healing times in human form. I tested this with various wounds: cuts, punctures, and scrapes no longer than ten inches each. All wounds were inflicted on Micah’s back so he wouldn’t see the blood. It is unclear whether unconsciousness would affect the potency of Diu’s healing magic. I will add that variable to the experiments later.

Strangely, the numbing salve didn’t work on Micah as long as it should have. It lost effectiveness almost immediately—Micah felt every inch of the first cut. A drastic dose increase was required. I had to increase the dose in increments and document how long it lasted before I could safely inflict the wounds.

Translated from the research journal of Abel Estellio

le 7 mai 1760

I added unconsciousness as a variable. To induce this, I subjected Micah to severe blood loss.

I began by severing his jugular vein, then cut other major arteries to maintain steady bleeding as previous cuts healed. The numbing salve ensured pain was not a factor. Micah was soaked by the time he passed out. However, I do not think he fainted due to blood loss. He paled when the first drops slid down his front. He has not undergone the gore-desensitizing part of slayer training.

Nonetheless, the goal was to induce unconsciousness. That was successful. Once he was incapacitated, I observed the following:

Unconsciousness has no effect on healing times. Therefore, a dragon’s healing is not a conscious effort. It cannot be stopped at will.

The magnitude of the wound does not change the healing time. A ripped fingernail and a severed jugular, if inflicted simultaneously, finish healing simultaneously.

Conclusion: The more serious the wound is, the more aggressively Diu’s magic heals him.

I am unsure how this affects my next steps. I will organize my thoughts tomorrow. For now, I need to clean up this mess.

Translated from the research journal of Abel Estellio

le 12 mai 1760

According to the celestial events calendar, the next Ignition will happen on May30th. I’m currently preparing experiments that might reveal discoveries I can only make during that time.

I tried lodging moonmetal fragments between Micah’s human vertebrae. I knew it wouldn’t cure him (the experiment merely renders the subject paralyzed from the neck down), but I thought it would serve as a preventive treatment by rendering his human body incapable of shifting.

I didn’t need to wait until May30th to learn I was wrong.

No matter what I do to keep the fragments in place, his body pushes them out. I tried binding them with bandages around his torso, strapping them down with leather bonds, and even bolting them into the bone. His body always finds a way to push them to the surface, even if it means ripping through his organs to pass the fragments from one end of the body to the other. In other words, Diu’s magic rejects everything I put inside him.

The more I use the numbing salve, the less effective it becomes. I’ve increased the doses to the point where it is no longer sustainable. It is safe to conclude that Diu’s magic builds a resistance to medications. Therefore, it stands to reason that a cure via medication is impossible as well.

I don’t have any other numbing options, so I gave Micah a strip of leather to bite down on. He started flinching when I touch him, but he can be patient. Pain is a small price to pay for a cure.