Page 83 of A Thousand Little Goodbyes

Chrissie nodded and started moving along the path again. This time, it was more for her own benefit than Kat’s.

“If Grimshaw had done the decent thing and stepped up—or even acknowledged his part in all this—I’d have found a way to involve him in your life. But he was just as young as we were, when all is said and done. Kat, this part might be hard for you to hear, but he’s made it very clear over the years that he’s not interested in having a relationship with you. Maybe that will change someday, but I don’t want you getting your hopes up. He’s not the man I wanted him to be.”

For the next few minutes, the crunch of their feet was the only sound between them. Which was why Chrissie was so surprised when Kat suddenly broke it.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“About your father? Or about your…mother?”

Kat stumbled over this last bit, but she caught herself just as quickly. “About any of it. Aunt Scarlett—Scarlett—my birth mother—said that it was her rule that I never know the truth about my parents, and that she’d have gone to her grave without telling me, only you made her. You said you wouldn’t be here in Vermont with her unless she told me everything.”

Chrissie nodded. “I did.”

“Butwhy? Why now? Why like this?”

Each question came out harsher and more gratingly, sloughingaway the last of Chrissie’s reserve. She forced the two of them to halt again, this time so she could look her daughter squarely in the eyes. It was a thing she should have done years ago, only she’d been too scared—of changing what they had, of changing who they were.

Unfortunately, things changed anyway. People were born. People left. People died. And all they had to hold onto in the meantime were those they continued to love.

“My parents forced me to grow up way too fast,” she said without bitterness or rancor—without any emotion at all, really. “So did Scarlett’s. Between the people who created us and the amount of time we both spent in hospitals growing up, we didn’t have much of a childhood. I think we both, in our own ways, were determined that you’d never suffer the same way. Only somewhere along the line, we forgot that you’re a responsible, well-adjusted,amazinghuman being who deserves the chance to form her own opinion about things.”

Nowher voice cracked.Nowshe started to break.

“I wanted you to have a chance to say goodbye to Scarlett properly—knowing her for who she really is, and understanding the sacrifices she made in loving you so much.” She dashed a hand at her eyes, but the tears were already starting to fall. “And I wanted you to realize that you’re not nearly as alone as you think you are. I’ve always known that there would come a time when you won’t need me anymore—when you won’twantme—but I was hoping we wouldn’t get here so soon.”

“Mom.”

Chrissie held up a hand to stop Kat from saying anything more. She needed to get this out before she lost the courage—or, worse, the words.

“Iamyour mother. I willalwaysbe your mother. From the moment you were put into my arms, I knew I’d do anything in this world to keep you safe and happy and loved. None of that has changed.” Sheswallowed around the lump in her throat. “But you’ve been my whole life for so long—and I’ve been yours—that I forgot there’s a big world out there waiting for us both. Scarlett made me realize that on this trip. And so did you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Easy. You asked for more—no. Youdemandedmore.” And just like that, the lump in her throat dissolved to nothing. “We’ll find you a family, Kat. We’ll make one if we have to. We’ll surround you with so many people who love you and want what’s best for you that you’ll long for the days when the only person whose back you had to sneak around behind was mine.”

She paused, thinking of Walsh cooking to show how much he cared. Of Lily, dreaming of her mother’s hug. Of River, gratefully accepting the gruff affection of a great-aunt she barely knew. Of Scarlett, lying in her deathbed and confessing everything for no reason other than because Chrissie asked her to.

Then she started walking again, her almost-grown daughter’s footsteps keeping time with her own.

“If it’s all right with you, Kitty Kat, we’ll find me a family, too. I think that sounds awfully nice right about now.”

Chapter Twenty-NineTranquility Estates, Vermont

Present Day

“You’ll find the afghan you crocheted Grandma in the bottom of the steamer trunk. There’s also a stack of legal papers and a bottle of Jack Daniels. That last one’s for you, by the way. You and Walsh both. Drink a toast to me when you rush into his arms later, okay? And then let him kiss all your sorrows away. Preferably with tongue.”

Chrissie didn’t want to laugh. Shetriednot to. But as she located the oversized 1.75 liter bottle complete with a handle, a laugh escaped anyway.

“Just how depressed are you expecting me to get? There’s enough whiskey here to get me drunk twenty times over.”

Scarlett leaned back on the chaise longue, a smile playing about the corners of her mouth, which was made up in a shade of red that would have given Dita Von Teese a run for her money. She’d wanted to do Chrissie’s makeup, as well, the pair of them sobbing their way through layers of false eyelashes and no-run mascara, but Chrissie had declined the honor. She was willing to do a lot to make her friend more comfortable, but dressing up for her deathbed wasn’t one of them.The fact that she’d even brushed her hair this morning spoke to the enormity of what she was willing to endure.

“You can douse my body with the rest of the alcohol and light me on fire. That’s how the Vikings did it, right?” Even though Scarlett’s words were uttered playfully, she immediately dropped the act. “Actually, I made the arrangements already. I’ll be cremated here and sent back to Oregon. I took your suggestion and asked the funeral home to make space for me to be interred next to Grandma. I hope that’s okay.”

Chrissie lifted the afghan out of the trunk and busied herself arranging it over Scarlett’s feet. They were sitting on the back porch of the little cabin, their view of the mountains unimpeded. It seemed strange that city-loving, life-of-the-party Scarlett Sanderson would have chosen nothing but nature and Chrissie in her final moments, but Chrissie wasn’t about to question her.

Scarlett had done a lot of things in this life that Chrissie would likely never experience. Travel and glamour and a high-profile career. Lovers and foreign languages and parties that didn’t involve latex balloons and homemade birthday cakes. If a quiet, intimate goodbye was how she wanted to punctuate a life lived large in every interpretation of the word, then Chrissie would support her every step of the way.