Page 79 of A Thousand Little Goodbyes

This time, Chrissiedidprotest. “We’re still best friends, Scarlett. We’ve never stopped being that.”

“Yeah, but it’s never been the same since she was born. Every decision you’ve made has taken her into consideration first. Just think about how long it took us to finally go on this road trip together—and how much I had to coerce you to make it happen.”

Chrissie didn’t say anything. There was no need. Every word Scarlett spoke was the truth.

“Even now, even here, you’re putting her before me.” Scarlett flashed Chrissie a sad smile. “Don’t get me wrong—I’m not complaining. Sheshouldbe your first concern, and I’m glad you’re going to have each other to lean on. It’s not how I expected things to go, that’s all.”

In that moment, Chrissie realized Scarlett wasn’t just drawing physically back—she was also making an emotional retreat. This was the beginning of the end, the separation that would cover so much more than just distance and time. And just like Scarlett letting her daughter and best friend go on that crisp fall day back in 2009, Chrissie had no choice but to do the same now.

“I’ll fix this, Chrissie, I promise. I don’t have a lot of time left to me, but that much I can do.”

Chapter Twenty-SevenTranquility Estates, Vermont

Present Day

The next morning, Scarlett took a drastic turn for the worse.

“This happens a lot more often than you’d think. In fact, I’d have been very surprised to see her up and about for too much longer.” The end-of-life doula, a doe-eyed sixtysomething retired hospice nurse who seemed like a grandmother, mother, and confessor wrapped up in one, patted Chrissie on the shoulder. “She’s probably been holding it together for your sake—for you and that sweet little family of yours. But now that she’s here and the end is in sight, she can finally let her mind accept what her body has known for months.” Her smile turned sad. “For most of our guests, it’s honestly more of a relief than anything else. Like coming home after a long, exhausting day.”

Chrissie nodded, feeling dazed as the doula issued further instructions about what she could do to make Scarlett comfortable and who she should call if the need arose.

“Not that I think it will. She has her pills and knows what she wants. All we can do now is give her all our love and support.”

The doula offered Chrissie a hug—which she gratefullyaccepted—before quietly stepping out of the cabin. The hour was early enough that Chrissie would have appreciated a cup of coffee and the chance to take in the pink and orange streaks of the sunrise, but she paused only to take a deep breath before pushing her way into Scarlett’s bedroom.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey back.”

Scarlett was sitting up in bed, propped up by so many pillows that a few were already in danger of slipping to the floor. Chrissie fought the urge to start fluffing them and organizing the bedside table, where pill bottles, a lipstick-rimmed teacup, and a framed photo of the two of them with Scarlett’s grandma smiled across the room.

Instead, she picked up the photo and slipped under the covers next to Scarlett.

“I remember this day,” she said as she dropped her head to Scarlett’s shoulder and let it rest there. She had no idea how, but it felt as though Scarlett had lost half of her body weight overnight—a return to the seven-year-old girl she’d once walked past in a hospital bed that was both nothing and everything like this one. Her fingers traced lightly over the image of their faces, just a few years younger than Kat. “Your grandma took us to Broughton Beach to go swimming, but it was only like sixty degrees, so she bought us a cheap kite and we spent hours flying it up and down the riverbank instead.”

Scarlett tilted her head on top of Chrissie’s. The steady, even pace of her breathing and warmth of her body felt so natural that she found it almost impossible to believe they wouldn’t continue that way forever.

“I still would’ve gone swimming even though the water was freezing,” Scarlett said. “In fact, I dared you to go in. I offered you my best butterfly hair clips and everything.”

“Did you? I don’t remember that part.”

“You never do,” Scarlett agreed. She burrowed deeper intoChrissie’s side. “You were always doing stuff like that—putting your foot down in that quiet, deceptive way of yours—so it never meant much to you. It did to me, though. I loved you more and more each time you did that. If I’m being honest, I hated you a little more each time, too.”

Chrissie let the picture fall to her lap. “What are you talking about? When I was doingwhatstuff?”

“Being right. Being good.” Scarlett pressed her lips against Chrissie’s temple. “You’d better bring Kat to me. I thought we’d have more time than this—to chat and hang out and eat Walsh’s amazing cheeseburgers, but I’m just sotired.”

Chrissie was seized by a sudden panic. What had seemed so imperative back in Chicago and Buffalo now felt like an unnecessarily cruel trick to play on a woman who had no tricks left to play back.

“You don’t have to tell her if you don’t want to. We can just snuggle here and watch some Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen like we used to in the old days.”

“You mean back when all I wanted in life was the same glamour and intrigue as a pair of twelve-year-old millionaires?” The smile in Scarlett’s voice was unmistakable. “I like to think I’ve done a decent job of living up to the Olsen twin legacy. I visited every city with a living pulse. I slept with just as many living, pulse-bearing men. I got to spend hours of every working day talking to anyone who cared to listen to me. And anytime I felt even the tiniest bit lonely, I could call you up and you’d be waiting for me on the other end of the line.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Yes, it is. Thanks to you and my grandmother, I was able to live my life exactly the way I wanted to. And now I’m going to die on my own terms, too. There aren’t a whole lot of people who get to say the same.”

Scarlett pulled away so that Chrissie could examine her face. She looked wan and exhausted, but she also looked at peace. In all the years Chrissie had known Scarlett, she’d never looked peaceful before.