Page 70 of The Library of Borrowed Hearts

I know that for sure. I knowlotsof things for sure, but not for the reasons I’m supposed to. Other people—most people—understand the rules to things just because. They know when to talk and when to keep quiet, when someone needs a hug and when they need space.

I only know things because I’m good at paying attention. Well, because I pay attention and because my brother and sisters give me lots of practice.

For example, when Theo sets things on fire, everyone around him gets mad, so that one’s easy. Don’t light fires. And when Trixie smiles, which she does all the time, most people smile back. They also give her things and are super nice to her, so I know that’s a helpful trick. Do smile at people. Most of the time, I can count on Trixie to teach me what I should do and Theo to teach me what not to do. They’re like one of those good cop/bad cop movies, only it never bothers Theo that he’s the bad one. Most of the time, I think helikesit.

Anyway. I didn’t mean to take the book from Jasper’s bookshelf, but I couldn’t help myself. When Jasper told us that story about him punchinga guy, and how he only did it because his heart was broken and that lady kept quoting sad things from a book calledWuthering Heights, I had to pull it off the shelf. And once I did, I saw those notes that Chloe’s been obsessed with for the past few weeks.

Only this book has, like, a zillion of them. On almost every page, and just in the lady’s handwriting.

“Noodle, honey, did you remember to take your pain medication before bed?”

As soon as I hear my mom’s voice, I shove the book underneath my pillow. I don’t want her to see it. If she does, she’ll ask questions that I don’t have the answers to yet. I plan to wait until I have them before I show anyone the book.

That’s my other secret, by the way. When I don’t know how to act or what to say, I keep things hidden until I’m ready.

“Yes, Mom,” I say as I snuggle down under my covers. Gummy Bear is snoring at one end of the bed, so I can’t get my broken leg very comfortable, but that’s okay.

My mom appears in the doorway to the room I share with Theo, though he’s not staying in it right now. He and Trixie have been sleeping over at Jasper’s house. I’m kind of jealous, since camping out on the floor with all those plants seems fun, but I’m the one who called Mom, so I figure I should probably stay here to keep her and Chloe company. Todd, too.

Is it bad if I say I like him? I know I’m not supposed to—the evil stepfather and all that—but he’s nice and he laughs a lot. I especially like that he laughs the hardest at his own jokes, and he doesn’t care if anyone joins him. Whenever he falls into one of his laughing fits, he winks at me and then keeps going like I’m in on the joke with him.

“You look nice and cozy,” Mom says as she leans her head against the doorframe and watches me. She’s not the same as I remember, but that’s no surprise. I was only seven years old when she left, which means she’s been gone for almost half my life.

“Can I get you anything?” she asks. “A drink of water? A bedtime story? You used to like Beatrix Potter, didn’t you?”

I nod. Theo would get mad if anyone reminded him of the books he liked as a kid—he was so obsessed with the Warriors cat books that he used to draw whiskers on his face with a Sharpie—but I still sometimes readThe Tale of Peter Rabbitwhen I’m feeling sad.

My mom takes one look at my nod and sighs. She also slips into the room, careful to snick the door closed behind her.

“You’re the only one who can stand the sight of me, aren’t you?” she asks as she sits down on my bed, her body weight tugging at the mattress until we both sink into it. Her hand comes up to smooth my hair away but she stops herself at the last second. “I suppose it’s my own fault.”

This is one of those situations where I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything at all. As usual, it works. She sighs again and keeps going.

“I wish Chloe would yell at me,” she says as she tucks her hands in her lap. She stares at her fingernails, which are long and shiny and red. They look like they belong on a witch. “I’d feel better if she yelled. Or ignored me. Or even started throwing things at my head. She’s been nothing but nice since I got here.”

“Chloeisnice,” I say.

I don’t mention the rest—that I like her best of anyone in the world, and that my heart gets tighter every time I see her crying in the living room after she thinks we’ve all gone to bed—but I don’t need to. I’m pretty sure Mom already knows.

“If you want to be yelled at, you can always ask Trixie,” I offer.

Mom’s soft laugh shakes the whole bed. “That’s true,” she says, and then suddenly she’s not laughing anymore. “Trixie’s beautiful, isn’t she? I was only seven years old when she left, which means she’s been gone for a big chunk of my life.”

“She looks like you,” I say, and that makes Mom laugh even less.

“Honey, will you tell me something?” she asks, although she’s still looking at her fingernails instead of me. “Why did you call me? I mean,reallycall me?”

That’s easy. “I broke my leg.”

She tsks and shakes her head. “No, I know that part. I just mean…” Her voice trails off, but I don’t say anything then, either. I know she’ll pick back up again. She glances down at me with eyes that look just like Chloe’s but aren’t. I don’t know how to explain it. They’re the same shape and color, and if I were to draw them, they’d end up being exactly the same, but they feel different.

When Chloe looks at me, I can see the whole world. When Mom looks at me, all I see is her.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed todo,” she says, and in a way that makes me feel uncomfortably like she wants me to be the one to tell her. “Chloe’s at work all day while the kids are at school, and you… Well. You’re spending every minute of your free time with that grumpy man next door. When you called, you said that you needed me, but you don’t. Not really. You all seem to be getting along fine without me.”

My uncomfortable feeling only gets stronger.

“I couldn’t believe it when the phone rang and your number popped up,” she adds as though I’m not sitting here wishing that Todd would come in with one of his jokes and another one of the presents that no one seems to want. “At first, I thought it must have been a prank call, but Todd made me answer. It’s so strange. I didn’t even know you kids had my number.”