Page 64 of The Library of Borrowed Hearts

“No, I haven’t seen a doctor yet, but based on my math, I’m guessing I’m about three months along.”

He nodded, even though he had little idea what three months of pregnancy signified. That she probably wasn’t mistaken about her condition, certainly, but what else? That he’d be a father in six short months? That he was about to be responsible for the care and upkeep of two more people?

His mouth went dry at the thought. There was enough savings inside his mattress to carry them for a little while, but he’d have to start looking into other revenue streams. A night job at the supermarket, maybe, or a logging contract in Canada where there were fewer safety protocols but—

“Stop it,” she said.

He blinked. “Stop what?”

“Making plans and machinations for our future together. I swear on everything you love, if you propose to me right now, I’ll never forgive you.”

He tried taking his hands back, but she proved herself to be the stronger of them in this as well as everything else. Her eyes crinkled with a smile that made his heart ache.

“You forget that I already proposed to you once, and you turned me down,” she said. “You obviously only want me for my body, so there’s no going back now.”

It took Jasper a moment to realize what she was talking about. And when he did, his heart started hammering uselessly in his chest. If only he’d known. If only he’d had the strength to walk away then.

“Wait,” he croaked. “You mean in the margins ofThe Haunting of Hill House? That doesn’t count. You were only trying to get a reaction out of me.”

“I’d end up with six or seven kids, I believe you said.” She heaved a playful sigh. “It’s more than I’d like, but if it’s what you have your heart set on…”

“Catherine,” he pleaded. “This is serious. Please be serious.”

“I am being serious,” she said, suddenly so quiet that he had no choice but to believe her. She lifted her hands and settled them in her lap. Jasper felt their absence even more than he’d felt their reassuring weight. “I know this feels sudden to you, but it’s not to me. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I don’t see any reason why you should have to ruin your life over this.”

“It won’t ruin my life—” he began, but it was no use. With Catherine, it was never any use. She’d get her way, and all he could do was watch as the entire train of their future together derailed before him.

“Maybe not,” she agreed, “but itwouldruin your mother’s life—and the lives of all five of your brothers and sisters.”

“It’s not a problem. Tina is likely to get married in a few years anyway, and—”

“And that’s going to free up enough of your time and resources to support a family of your own?” Since the question was a rhetorical one, she didn’t bother waiting for an answer. “You said it yourself, Jasper. There’s no romance in poverty.”

“There could be. We couldmakethere be.”

She shook her head then, her gaze fixed on her lap in a way that made Jasper’s blood run cold. “I’ve already made up my mind. Asking you to support both me and a baby is out of the question.”

Something frantic clawed at Jasper’s throat, but he fought the beast back. For as long as he could remember, money had been a barrier between him and the rest of the world. He knew it didn’t buy happiness, and that families had been surviving for generations on whatever they could scrape together, but he also knew that Catherine had never known that kind of struggle.

She’d never heard a child’s hungry cries being muffled into a pillow. She’d never felt that gnawing ache that was so much more than the biological need for sustenance.Tropic of Cancerdid a decent job of portraying what poverty was really like, but even that was hidden behind layers of self-indulgent introspection and an alarming lack of personal consequences.

Catherine had never known that kind of deprivation—and if Jasper had his way, she never would. Even if it killed him, even if it broke him in Hemingway’s proverbial thousand different places, he would give her that much.

“Okay,” he said, his throat tight. “Whatever you want from me—whatever you need. I have some money saved up if you want to…explore your options, and I won’t stand in the way of what you decide.”

She eyed him with an intensity that made him feel as though she was peeling away his skin to reveal his inner workings.

“You mean that, don’t you?” she asked. “You’d really give me everything you have—even if it means spreading yourself so thin that you disappear in the process.”

“Of course I would,” he said. He’d never been anything but honest with Catherine before, and he didn’t see any reason to stop now. “I love you, C. The only thing that matters to me is making you happy.”

She drew in a deep breath. That breath, more than anything else, made him feel as though the world was slipping out from underneath him—and that he’d never again stand on solid ground.

“Then you won’t be upset when I tell you that I’ve decided to acceptan offer of marriage from William McBride. I told him about the pregnancy, and he’s willing to claim the child as his own in exchange for certain…gifts from my father.”

“No.” Jasper felt all the blood drain from his body. It started with his head and rushed down in a cascade of emotions, all of which left him feeling cold and empty.

“It’s the only way out of this situation, and you know it.” She pushed back from the table and stood towering over him. If he looked closely, he could detect the signs that had evaded him before—a slight thickening of her waist, a fullness in her cheeks that hadn’t been there before. But most of all, it was the healthy, blooming glow of her that confirmed his worst fears: that she was pregnant, yes, but also that she washappy.