Page 44 of Bluebell Promises

“But I like you, Ben,” she said. “I really like you.”

“I really like you, too,” Ben said, although he wasn’t sure if that was true, not yet.

But things took off quickly after that. Within a month, Ben and Rina went out two times a week, which was all she could manage with a baby at home. At two months, Rina invited Ben to her place to share a meal and meet her baby, whose name was Nate. Rina hadn’t shown Ben a photograph of Nate to prepare him, which meant that Ben’s reaction to meeting baby Nate was genuine. To put it simply, Ben was floored. Nate had big, dark eyes and a thick head of dark hair. He babbled and laughed and engaged with Ben in a way that most adults didn’t. As soon as Nate was in Ben’s arms, Ben wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to let Nate go.

He fell in love with him instantly.

Rina was surprised and pleased at how tender Ben was with Nate. “I knew it,” she said later, after Nate was asleep in his crib and Rina and Ben stayed up late to watch a film. “I knew you were the one.”

Ben’s heart swelled three times its normal size. He kissed her, his brain pulsating with the question he so desperately wanted to ask.

He wanted Rina to marry him. He wanted them to have a family.

But they’d only known each other for two months! He decided to be chill and let things grow organically.

That was his plan, anyway.

But six months later, after they’d been dating for eight months, Ben and Rina went to the Boston courthouse and sealed the deal. They celebrated that evening over store-bought cheesecake, watching Nate crawl all over the carpet. Ben had bought a tuxedo for the occasion, one that Rina had helped him pick out. Rina had worn a secondhand wedding dress that made her look absolutely ravishing.

That night, Ben brought up a topic they’d spoken of a few times. “I want to adopt Nate,” he said. “He needs a father, and I’m that father.”

By then, Ben had learned what had happened to Nate’s real dad. When Rina had told her boyfriend at the time about the pregnancy, he’d taken off, moving to the West Coast. He’d been impossible to reach, so Rina had stopped trying.

“Yes,” Rina breathed now. “You’ll adopt Nate. We’ll figure that out right away.”

But over the next few months, the newlyweds were busy with other things. They painted the living room, bathroom, and bedroom, then decided to move to a bigger place, which required time to search, apply, and pack. Nate turned two, and then suddenly he was three, walking everywhere and talking back. Being a toddler seemed like no joke. Ben really wanted his own children, his own genetic children, but Rina seemed so exhausted from handling Nate and going back to school that Ben was too frightened to broach the subject. He figured that first, he’d adopt Nate, and then they’d figure the rest out.

It was when Nate was three and a half that Rina and Ben had their first blow-out argument. Ben was exhausted from a long day at vet school, strung out and terrified after having to watch an animal be put to sleep. When he came home, he discovered that Nate had an ear infection, and Rina couldn’t stop sobbing. Ben tried to help. He called the doctor and secured the right medication. But Rina seemed inconsolable.

“He’s going to be all right,” Ben assured Rina, hugging her tighter. “Kids get ear infections all the time.” He kissed her cheeks and her forehead, then asked, “Was it okay to get out of your classes this week?” He thought it was an innocuous question.

At this, Rina’s eyes widened with anger. “Of course! I have to be here for my child.” The one word—the singular my—rang between them.

“Of course,” Ben said. The world around him was blurry.

“You’re always on my case, Ben,” Rina shot back. “When really, you know what? I dropped out of school like four months ago! Yeah! And I didn’t know how to tell you, because you’re always, like, nagging me!”

Ben jerked his head back in surprise. She’d dropped out of school? Again? But they’d made up a perfect schedule, a plan so that they could both graduate and give Nate the best possible future. He knew that he should tell Rina that it was all right, that she could do whatever she needed to do. But he also knew that his face said something different.

Rina howled, “I knew you would look at me like that!” She stormed out of the room and slammed the door to their bedroom behind her.

That first fight blew over pretty quickly. Ben and Rina nursed Nate back to health, and then they returned to their regular programming, sans Rina’s schooling. Ben decided not to probe too hard into the fact that she’d lied. In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter.

Ben still brought up adopting Nate. But he sensed that it irritated Rina. It was just another thing for them to do, just another difficult path to take.

“You’re his father,” Rina said. “Why do we have to put it on paper?”

“Because,” Ben said. “Because it matters to me.”

When it was clear that Rina was cheating on him, Ben grew especially panicked about Nate. For months, he willed himself not to ask Rina about her boyfriend, for fear that he would lose his son. By then, Nate was six years old and the brightest star in Ben’s universe. He spent much more time with Nate than Rina did, watching him while Rina ran off to wherever she went with that other guy. Every time Nate called Ben “dad,” Ben’s heart melted.

He needed to hold on. He needed to be strong.

But of course, Rina and Ben’s relationship couldn’t live under the strain of her affair. Ben was brokenhearted, a shadow of his former self. When Rina finally asked for a divorce and told him she was going to live with her new boyfriend, Ben begged her to stay for Nate’s sake.

“Nate will be fine,” Rina said. “I don’t know if you will be, though.”

Ben begged her to figure out a parenting schedule with him so that he could remain in Nate’s life. But Rina reminded him that he wasn’t legally the father of her son. He had no rights.