Page 27 of Laying Low

“Pretty much.”Reg gave a small smile.“But see, I didn’t know any of that.All I knew was that Mom and Dad hadlost children.I had two little sisters that gotlost.And somewhere in there—heaven knows who said it to me, but I remember the words.‘Stay close, Reg.Don’t get lost.Good boys don’t get lost.’”

“Oh my God,” Anthony said, and part of him wanted to laugh.It was the simplest, most childish misunderstanding.But weighted on a sensitive child, one who took his responsibilities in the family seriously….“That could be devastating,” he said, feeling the heft of that child’s fear deep in his stomach.

“No,” Reg said, shaking his head.“There were so many worse things.My parents—they were so sad.Hoping for that new sibling and hearing that it waslost.That was so sad.Me thinking—”

“You thought if you weren’t good, you’d disappear!”Anthony said, not wanting him to make light of it.“Reg, that’sterrible.”

“But nobody did it to me on purpose,” Reg said, as though begging him to understand.“I did it to myself—”

“But you made yourselfinvisible,” Anthony told him.“Because you were afraid of beinglost.”

He actually heard Reg swallow.“Well, yes.”

And Anthony wanted to rail at him, to cry, to beg him to break that one restriction, and then another, and then all of the thin, fragile bands that seemed to be wrapped around Reg Royal’s heart to keep him so very, very still.But….

“You promised,” Reg whispered.“Only one.”

Anthony found himself nodding.“I promised,” he echoed.“One at a time.Okay.Fair.”And then he leaned forward and captured Reg’s mouth in a very gentle, but veryadult, kiss.He tasted a little bit of brine, but also curiosity.Reg wanted more kisses.

Good.So did Anthony.

Anthony groaned a little even as he pulled back.So much need inside Reg Royal.Anthony wanted to answer it, possess him, give him everything he needed, but now was not the time.

“Thank you,” he murmured.“Thank you for trusting me with that.”

“It’s so stupi—”

Anthony kissed him again, harder, to keep the word from slipping out.He had a tougher time pulling back, because ohdamn, was Reg sweet, but it was worth it.

“It’s not stupid,” he insisted.“I just want to know what’s inside you.Does anybody else know about ‘lost children,’ Reg?”

Reg shook his head.“No.No, by the time I figured out that I’d gotten it wrong, I was so embarrassed—”

“But that kind of thing stays with you,” Anthony told him.It was late—they both needed to shut their eyes, but this was so important.“When I was a kid, my stepdad’s father—who is not a nice man, by the way, I don’t know how my stepdad turned out so sweet—he told me my dad was going to hell for being gay.And I asked if hell was a good place or a bad place, because Ididn’t know.My mom and dad never talked about hell.I thought it was, you know.Like Fresno.”

Reg’s suppressed snicker was warming.It meant this story—this dumb, embarrassing story—was doing what it was supposed to.

“I understand a lot of people think that,” Reg said—an old joke, and not always accurate, about one of the more economically depressed Central Valley towns.

“Right?”Anthony told him.“So I went back to my dad’s that week really depressed, and when he asked me what was wrong, because, you know, he’s mydad, and he’sawesome,you know what I said?”

“You didn’t want him to go to Fresno?”Reg asked, sounding for all the world like that was the only way this story could go.

“Close,” Anthony said.“I told him that if he was going to hell, I needed to go too, because it was my week with him, and he wasn’t supposed to go anywhere without me.”

“Aw….”Reg was staring at him like he was the sweetest little kid on the planet.

“Yeah, it reflects well on me,” Anthony admitted.“I mean, sort of, because after my dad got over his surprise and then called Mom, and then she and my stepdad lost their shit, and it was a whole big thing, and I didn’t have to see Grandpa Zeke and Grandma Biddy anymore.But don’t you see?Once I found out what hell was supposed to be, I realized Grandpa Zekewanted my father to go there.I was… oh God.I wasso hurt.I’d been so excited about having grandparents, and then they turn out to say things like that about my dad?I mean,mydad?”

“Who’s sort of the greatest,” Reg agreed.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Anthony said soberly.“Those things—even when we’re mistaken—those things we learn as kids—they stick with us.I-I mean, when I’m mad at someone, or pissed at politics, I’ll yell ‘Fuck off,’ or ‘Eat shit,’ or all sorts of terrible things, but I won’t tell somebody to ‘Go to hell’ because I still remember that awful feeling when I found out what that meant.So it’s not stupid,” he finished up with.“It’s… it’s important.You’reimportant.And anything that makes you nervous about being with me is important.I mean, c’mon, Reg, I waited nearly four months for a kiss.It would be one thing if you hadn’t wanted one—”

“I did,” Reg said fervently, which did a lot to patch the thin spots in Anthony’s usually healthy ego.

“Good.”Anthony nuzzled his temple.“I just… Ineedto know what made you think I wouldn’t want you.”

“If I wasn’t a good boy, I’d be lost,” Reg whispered.