Page 26 of Laying Low

Reg gave him a sudden, devastating grin.“Not birthday suits?I’m disappointed.”

Anthony took off his overshirt, which was a little ripe and might get left here in the hamper, and fought the urge to clutch his chest.“Look at you, all sassy,” he teased.“No, I did not engineer us in the same bed to grope your poor little body.Although,” he added for good measure, “I will not be saddened if that is a perk.”

Reg bit his lip and retreated into the bathroom for the rest of his nightly routine, and then Anthony followed.When he was done brushing his teeth and setting out his shaving kit for the morning (and taken a washcloth to all pits and crevices in the name of general human decency), he dropped his cargo shorts on top of the knapsack and did what he’d promised.

Crawled into bed next to Reg, turning the lamp off by the bed as he did so.

Reg scooched down to put his own head on the pillow, his face naked of glasses, which had been left in the bathroom.

For a quiet moment in the darkness, Anthony was face-to-face with his dream boy, and he smiled, appreciating.

“What?”Reg asked, his voice a faint rasp.“What’s that smile?”

“It wasn’t how I wanted to get here,” Anthony admitted, “but I’m glad we made it.”

Reg rolled his eyes a little, but Anthony held up a finger to push against his lips.

“I mean it,” he said soberly.“Reg, why did it take so long for us to kiss?”

Reg’s enormous eyes grew even larger in the dark and then closed, and for a moment, Anthony was afraid that was it.

Then he started to speak, and Anthony felt like he was made of ears.

“Lots of little things,” Reg said.“All of them are so small, but… but they add up.They become sort of this terrible weight, you know?Pressing against me, making me smaller—making meneedto be smaller so I don’t get noticed.Don’t get taken away.”

Oh God.The relief of hearing his voice in the dark, thehonesty—Anthony almost cried with it.

“Just one,” Anthony murmured.“It’s been a long day—just tell me one.”

“Mm.”Reg reached for Anthony’s hand and pulled it to his chest, and Anthony thought he might die right there.Who knew?In a world where sex and human touch seemed to come at no cost, who knew they could be worthso muchwhen meted out by the right person?

“Nice,” Anthony praised, splaying his fingers against Reg’s chest.

“And there it is—groping,” Reg said, but he sounded dreamy.

“Don’t sleep yet!”

Reg’s eyes popped open.“Sorry,” he said.Then, sincerely, “I didn’t mean to break my promise.It’s just….”He stroked the back of Anthony’s wrist, and Anthony tried not to whimper.“You know.Nice.”

“Yeah.Just one.A small one,” Anthony told him.A pebble, one of many, weighing down Registrar Julliard Royal’s old soul.

“Lost children,” Reg said, and Anthony frowned.

“Your siblings?”

Reg sighed.“Yes.But… but not… see, there’s a four-year gap between Dean and me.And another four between me and Chance.None of the older kids talk about it, but….”

Anthony felt it then, an unbearable chasm of sadness.

“Did your mother miscarry?”he asked, hating that he had to even ask that of the irrepressible Miss Julie.

“Three times,” Reg murmured.“Once before me and twice between me and Chance.I… I think… I think she had a hard time with Chance.I don’t remember much.”

“You were practically a baby,” Anthony said, aching for him.

“Yeah, but I remember that Chance wastheir lastone.Like that was final.So, you know, you don’t ask your parents too many questions about their birth control but….”

“But you’re pretty sure that’s when they started using it,” Anthony said dryly.