Page 16 of Dull
“Too old?”Lorenzo asked.
He’d marinated some chicken breast with chipotle and a few other spices, and it looked really good.He’d put the grill on to preheat, and on went the chicken.
“I enjoyed spending time with my grandparents.We watched older movies, and they taught me how to play cards.I know my grandmother was always worried I didn’t do things that girls my own age did.”Clarissa laughed.“Grandad would often complain and say there was no way I was going around kissing a bunch of random guys.Of course, she’d always complain and say it wasn’t what she meant.They never took me to fairs, or did things with others my own age.”
“Hold up, you’ve never been to a fair?”he asked.
She shook her head.She was rambling right now.The truth was, in the last few days, Lorenzo had been making her feel things she wasn’t used to feeling.She’d always been nervous around him, and it had never really been natural between them.His complaints about her had been a welcome relief, as horrible as it sounded.
It was easier to fall within herself.It was something she was used to.She knew how to handle that.Being a wife and trying to be everything just felt like a large weight.
The strangest thing of all, in the past few days, she had more fun than she ever recalled having.He was making her happy, and it was getting easier to smile.
And with that, she was afraid.What if all this was a lie?Was he just doing this for her to get over what he said?She didn’t know if she could trust him or not, and it terrified her.
Getting hurt.Before she died, her grandmother had told her to give this marriage a chance, not to turn her back on it, so that was what she was trying to do.
Was it?Or, did you just withdraw and only come out when you needed to?You hid in your sewing room.It was easier than getting to know someone.People always died on you.
“Babe, you okay?”Lorenzo asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, and no, I’ve never been to a fair, nor have I ever made out with random guys.I just couldn’t.For the longest time, I couldn’t go outside.”
Lorenzo made their sandwiches.
“What happened that made you able to go outside?”Lorenzo asked.
She looked up to see him staring at her intently.
“My grandparents had the patience to wait for me.It started out slow, in their yard.Small steps onto the porch, and we built up to a picnic.Then we took long trips in the car, until eventually I was no longer overwhelmed by fear.”
It was a long road.All she could think about was how happy she had been just moments before the attack.It had been so unexpected.
Clarissa followed Lorenzo through to the dining room, and she watched as he put their plates down, although she didn’t hear them.The truth was, she felt like she was falling, being sucked down.
She watched, almost as if she was out of her own body, but then Lorenzo cupped her face, and she didn’t even realize it, but she had started to panic.
“Look at me,” Lorenzo said.
It was like his voice kept coming over some kind of radio—one moment it was clear, the next moment, it wasn’t.She looked up at him and his eyes grounded her, and she was able to breathe.
“That’s right, look at me, Clarissa.I’m right here.You’re safe, and we’re all good.You’re safe, and we’re here.”
She had been having a panic attack—a mild one—and it was her first in a very long time, but Lorenzo had brought her back.Clarissa threw her arms around him, holding onto him.
It was going to be all right.It had to be.
Even though it terrified her.
****
“Come on,” Lorenzo said.
Clarissa let out a laugh, as they snuck into the fair.He had forced his men to park far from the parking lot, and he was sneaking Clarissa in.She didn’t need to know they had paid, but he was working on giving Clarissa plenty of experiences.
He paid the fee, and the security guards were aware he’d paid, but when the time was right, they were supposed to approach.One of the gates had been left unlocked, so he could sneak Clarissa inside.
She wore a pair of jeans, a white floral shirt, and a denim jacket.Her hair was down, and she looked fucking incredible.Even though he had never worn jeans, this one time he was doing so.His hair was also not neatly pressed back, but in disarray, as he acted the part of a teenage boy.Not that he’d ever been a true teenage boy, seeing as most of his teenage years were spent training, learning the role of Capo, so one day he was able to take over from his dad.There was still time for him to hang out, so there were fairs, just not like usual.
