Page 21 of The Marine's Homecoming

Because my heart won't be able to stand it if I see that woman crying again.

I think I'm falling for her hard.

14

HANNAH

My hand shakes a little as I tap to pay at the pharmacy. The woman behind the counter has a very uninterested expression on her face, though she's not paid to care what folks purchase as long as their cards aren't declined. But I'm nervous as hell and sick to my stomach as I pick up the plastic sack with the pregnancy test in it and tuck it into my purse in case someone sees me when I walk out.

"Have a nice day," she says, handing me my receipt.

I force a smile and shove it in my pocket as I turn toward the door and walk out. A twenty-five-minute drive all the way to Coquille just to buy a pregnancy test and I still look over my shoulder to make sure no one I know is around here to see me feeling ashamed of myself.

When my second period since having sex with Luke didn't arrive, I had to stop trying to convince myself it's just stress. One missed or late period, yes. But now that things are moving along the right direction with the repairs and the festival, I'm notunder that much stress. This is normal life for me, and still no cycle.

It's unnerving, but I get in my car and head back home down the narrow stretch of winding highway. I crank the music up all the way and put the windows down as a means to distract myself, but that doesn’t seem to help much. My entire life and all my goals for my business and my future could all shift hard thanks to one moment of intense chemistry and poor judgment. The results of that little plastic test will seal my fate, though I know that happened almost two months ago now.

I can't believe this is happening. Deep down, I already know what that test is going to say when I take it. I've been nauseous and crabby, more tired than ever, and talk about emotional. When Mom invited me to brunch and said they were serving eggs instead of waffles, I had to excuse myself from the phone conversation to avoid crying in front of her—over waffles. I'm not like this. The emotional swings just aren't me.

But my stubborn sense of pride won't allow me to break down and admit I could be having Luke's baby because it betrays everything I've felt for over a decade.

I turn into town and head toward my street, but flashes of the day I found out Nick had died pummel my thoughts. He was so young and had so much promise. I remember being awakened out of a dead sleep early in the morning when the sun was just up to my mother's scream. It was awful. To this day, I sleep with a fan on because the silence at night is haunting. The fear of hearing someone crying at night is traumatic.

Rushing out to see Deputy Henrys with his hat in his hand as my mother sat on the floor sobbing and my father crouched beside her with his whole body shaking—I just can't forget how painfulit was. And then the months of investigation and trial, where day after day we sat in a courtroom and listened to lawyers bickering about whether Luke had been neglectful.

I park in my driveway and sigh, feeling thankful for once that Luke isn't in a prison somewhere. If Frank had died and Luke was locked up for what happened, Dorsey would've swooped in and bought that land. And what Luke said a few weeks ago is right. Dorsey would sell out so fast. The only reason Bandon is the same coastal small town it's always been is because men like Frank Maddox refuse to sell out.

But that gratitude does nothing to calm the raging storm of grief, even twelve years later.

My car ticks as it cools and I climb out, locking up before heading toward my front door. I'm so confused and overwhelmed by my own emotions.

As I let myself in and head for the bathroom, I chastise myself for how foolish it was to kiss him that day. I was so angry, and he was so close to me. And honestly, he was trying to be a kind soul and I was just mad over something that happened years ago. But he's so good-looking, and the need to unleash my temper got to me. I couldn't stop seeing those full, chapped lips or thinking about the solid wall of muscle I knew was under his shirt, and I was an idiot.

I rip the packaging open and toss it in the trash. I've seen ads for these things on TV enough to know how to use them, but I guess I never realized how clumsy I am. The test deflects the flow of urine and sprays up on my hand, making me grumble, but the job is done. I wash up and flush, then stand over the test like a raving lunatic knowing I can't take my eyes off it for a single second.

And I don't have to wait long.

It says three full minutes, but in under twenty seconds a faint pink line forms that only darkens, just like my mood, the longer I stand there. My chest sinks, my breathing grows shallow, and the heavy realization that Luke Maddox's baby is growing inside me causes every single emotion I have to knot up and fray.

There is absolutely no mistaking the positive test result. And there's no denying it's Luke’s, considering I've not slept with anyone else in more than a year. With the only date of possible conception being February third, that makes me seven and a half weeks along. And that means by the time the festival is here, I'll be starting to show.

"Fuck," I hiss, sinking onto the edge of the bathtub.

What have I done? It's not that I don't want to be a mother—honestly, I do more than anything. I dreamed of having a whole gaggle of kids and a husband who dotes on me. I just never thought it would happen like this. Luke Maddox is not the man I intend to marry, which means any future relationship is complicated by a child now.

I touch my stomach and press my eyes closed, forcing away the panic that wants to consume me. Luke is going to freak the fuck out. He didn’t come home from the military to run his father's businesses. He came for a funeral and got stuck here. The last thing he wants is a child he's going to have to pay child support on.

But I don't care to give it up or abort. I'm not the sort of person to walk away from the consequences of my choices, no matter how challenging they may be. I watched Luke run off to the military after what happened and somehow, this feels the same. Justpretending I don't have to live with the choices I make somehow seems hypocritical. I won't do that.

But I won't tell him, either.

At least not right away. I have to figure out what this means for me and how it's going to affect my life, my business, and this festival before I'm forced to deal with his emotional reaction. He probably doesn't want anything to do with me, anyway. Yeah, he wants me to call him Luke, and not Mr. Maddox, but I knew how awkward that felt when I said it. We are on a first-name basis, but that doesn’t mean we're anywhere close to co-parenting a child.

I throw the test away and shake myself loose. This is the result I knew would happen, and I won't let it affect me so much that I can't do my job. With a party this evening, I can't afford to sit around moping, so I clean up and head to the marina for pre-launch preparations. But on the way toThe Mariah, Luke intercepts me, popping out of his office with a smile and a cold beer in hand.

"Afternoon," he says, nodding at me like we're old friends. I bite down on my grumpy response and tip my head, hoping he'll just let me pass by.

But he steps out and says, "I was hoping to catch you… Want to come in and have a beer? I have a few things to go over with you."