Page 42 of Merci

“I’m good,” I said quickly. Too quickly to be believable.

Merci smiled with one side of her mouth as her head shook. “Liar.”

Chuckling, I wrapped my arm around her as she scooted closer. “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’ll be fine.”

“This was your baby too. Your feelings matter, not just mine. I know you have to be strong for me, but I’m better now. I can be strong for you too.”

My eyes watered, but I knew I wouldn’t shed a tear. “I’m hurt, but I’ll be good. I was excited about our baby, so I’m sad, but I know when the time is right, we’ll be able to expand our family. I’m just trying to focus on making this shit make sense. If I can logically work my way through it, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

I could tell she wasn’t completely convinced, but she was convinced enough to hug me and bury her face in my chest. As I rubbed her back, she placed soft kisses on my chest and neck before releasing a shaky breath and falling asleep.

24

MERCI

Early November

Cujo was cute. If I could think of any way to describe him, he was like a grizzly bear shielding a person with his body in the cold. He might not have had the warmest or softest personality, but his character and integrity had been speaking volumes since the day we met. He’d been a present force for Hammer and me since he found out what happened. Hammer mentioned appreciating the way my family showed up for me after we lost the baby, and I believe that made everything come to a head for him.

For a while, it seemed as if he was in a depressed state. Though he didn’t want to burden me with his feelings, he did talk to Cujo about it, and Cujo shared enough with me to not break his brother’s confidence but let me know what was going on with my man. Apparently, he was thinking about his own childhood and how they’d never really had a real family beyond their mother. He really was looking forward to the family we’d create, and though he knew we’d have that one day, he was most hurt about us not having it now.

Eventually, he was able to swim through the mud and clear the fog in his brain, and once he did, he was ready to sit down with my family. I didn’t know how this was going to go. I wasn’t worried about him and my daddy at all. Him bringing me to them after the miscarriage increased my father’s respect for Hammer and made him believe he could trust him. It also softened him toward Hammer. It was my brothers I was concerned about. Cujo was here, which was to be expected, but I was scared. I knew my family could be violent, and I knew what they were capable of. But I’d also witnessed what Hammer and Cujo were capable of, and I genuinely never wanted them to come to blowsorstart shooting.

“What you looking scared for?” Hammer asked with a smile.

I thought I was hiding my feelings well, but clearly, I wasn’t. “I just want this to go well. You and Daddy might not be each other’s favorite people, but at least y’all made some kind of progress. It’s my brothers I’m worried about.”

“Yeah. Surprisingly, he called and checked on me a few times. I know it’s going to take some work for us to trust each other, but I feel like it’s possible.”

“Aww.” With a smile, I leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth as the front door opened.

My heart skipped a beat before it palpitated. Marz and Neptune had no idea Cujo and Hammer would be here, and I prayed surprising them wouldn’t backfire. The moment they rounded the corner and entered the dining room and saw them, they instantly drew their guns.

“The fuck?” Neptune seethed.

“Put them guns down,” Mama said, but neither of them listened.

I didn’t even realize I’d jumped up and spread my arms in front of both Hammer and Cujo until Hammer used his freehand to lower me back down to my seat. They’d pulled their Glocks too, and I looked at Daddy for help.

With no words, he motioned with his head for his sons to lower their guns, and slowly, they did.

“I’on know what y’all got going on, but this is some bullshit,” Marz said. “The hell are they doing here?”

“We need to settle this once and for all,” Daddy said.

“Ain’t shit gon’ be settled as far as I’m concerned,” Marz replied. “You think I’m about to trust you or my sister with them?”

They continued to argue, and their voices escalated to the point where I couldn’t understand what any of them were saying.

“I was pregnant!” I yelled, shooting up from my seat. Mouths snapped shut, and all eyes were on me. “And I lost my baby. And you know what? Maybe that was God’s way of protecting them from being born into this bullshit! We were raised in love, and I want the same thing for my children. Regardless of how y’all feel about it, Hammer is going to be my babies’ father in the future, so y’all need to get along. I don’t know what it’s going to take for y’all to trust that these men aren’t here to bring me and Daddy harm, but y’all need to figure it out. They ain’t going nowhere, and y’all not gon’ keep pulling guns out around my man and brother.”

Neptune scoffed and shook his head, but I could tell my words had softened Marz. Neptune had always been the one who preferred facts and logic over anything else. Until he knew without a doubt that Hammer and Cujo could be trusted, there was a chance nothing I said would matter.

“I’m sorry to hear that, little sis. Damn,” Marz replied, shoulders caving as he tucked his gun.

“What can we do to gain your trust?” I questioned.

His head shook as he chuckled, hardening all over again. “It don’t seem like it matters.”