Page 20 of Honey, I'm Home

“I need you guys to try and see this from my perspective. I just moved back to town andjustgot out of a pretty fucked up relationship.”

Why do they look so guilty all of a sudden at the mention of my ex?

“Yeah, we should probably tell her,” Hawthorne says when I stare them down.

“Yes, you should,” I agree.

All the air deflates out of Arbor as he leads me to the couch. He grabs both of my hands, sitting so our knees are touching. “You know I’ve been stalking you. There’s a chance, and by chance, I mean a certainty, that I may have…interfered…with that relationship.”

“Explain.”

He takes a deep breath and nods at me. “So, like it was really funny messing with him when he slept? Yeah, pissed me off to see him touch you so I would buzz in his face until he’d swat at me, but he’d pretty much always hit himself in the face, then roll over and re-adjust his entire sleeping position. Very effective. Or I’d work up a bit of a tickle on your neck, so you’d swat at it and end up hitting him instead. That move was even better.”

Should I be mad at an admission like that? I’m thinking no.

Dev gets to his knees in front of me, stealing my attention with his hands on my hips. “Just close your eyes for me, would you, Aster?” His voice is too perfect and deep to ignore, so I happily comply. “Think about how it felt last night between us; how right it was being together like that. Can you imagine if we’d been doing that this whole time? It didn’t feel weird because youknowme. You knowus. We probably jumped the gun a little on the proposal, but you can’t tell me it’s all that shocking of an idea. You know how intense we are.”

I think I need to test a theory.

I lean forward and kiss him again because I miss it. He’s right; last night was incredible. It’s so easy to slip into this role, to be a woman that melts into him. He touches me and kisses me exactly the way I always dreamt a partner would, exactly the way I wished my ex would.

When I pull away, I’m no less confused, but I am surer. And no, those things don’t cancel themselves out in my mind.

I look to Hawthorne and Arbor, assuming Dev filled them in on what we talked about last night, but still feeling like I need to get it out there. I’m not done talking about it. “The shit you guys pulled on my 18thbirthday messed me up pretty good. Dev explained why it happened, but I need to make sure you all understand that.

“It wasn’t…I don’t understand why you didn’t just give me the respect of a conversation and trust I could make my own decisions. You took that agency away from me and hurt me in the process. It makes me wary to jump into anything with you guys, because I don’t feel like that ever got resolved, even if it was really long ago. It completely changed the way I thoughtabout you guys, and I feel as if I don’t really know this version of you.

“You want a relationship with me? I just don’t know if I’m ready for that. I haven’t been single very long, and I need some time with myself to…figure out what it is I want. It’s too soon for me.”

They absorb this information, thinking it through.

“We hear what you’re saying,” Arbor tells me, “and we of course understand. This offer…it’s not contingent on a time frame. Aster, you’re the one we want to spend our lives with, and that’s not going to change whether you agree to be ours now or five years from now. I know we come off as sort of unserious, but we’re the most serious about you. We want to do everything in our power to support you in any way we can, even if that includes giving you space to take care of yourself.”

I sag against the couch, cautiously reaching out to wind my hand with Arbor’s, almost jumping at the bite of electricity that hits me at the touch. His hands are a new thing to me, and I take a moment to study them, rubbing my thumb over the little hairs on his knuckles and the calluses on his fingers, the scar on the outside of his pinky.

“You guys make me feel safe,” I admit quietly. Then I turn to make sure I’m not leaving Hawthorne out.

One thing I will say about these guys is that they’re not emotionally fragile. I’ve never had to try and stay balanced with how I treat them all, because they’re all so close with each other that they never feel left out when one of them gets attention over the others.

“I’m sorry we made you touch Arbor’s dick slit the other day, that’s not exactly how we saw that playing out,” Hawthorne says with a wince.

I cover my face and groan, slouching back into the couch. “I’m sorry I washed my hands so fast and so furiously and ran off screaming, I just…I was not at all in the mindset for that to happen and it was jarring. Arbor, you have a lovely dick area.”

He preens at this, and because I know Hawthorne is seconds away from pulling himself out of his pants so I’ll compliment him as well, I reach a hand out to stay him. “No. Time and place, Hawthorne, time and place.”

He beams, likely because he’s taking that as a promise that he can do it at a later date, and I wonder what I’m getting myself into, thinking I can handle being with three people at the same time.

You know what? I don’t think I’ve thought this through enough.

That’s…a lot of potential for miscommunication.

“So, you’re not ready to acknowledge our engagement,” Arbor says cheekily, ignoring my indignation, “but…do you see us spending time together? Getting to know each other all over again and trying to at least pursue something? Do you think you could commit to hanging out with us again, reestablishing a friendship?”

I take in Arbor’s sincerity and run those words through my brain.

That’s not a big ask, and I figured out a minute ago, they’ll always be in my life in one way or another. “I can handle that,” I promise.

“Then…do you want to see your room again?” Dev asks.