Page 41 of American Love Story

“One of the best things about being with Yin,” I’d been so in my head that his voice startled me, and it took me a moment to digest what he’d said, “is that he’s taught me that I need to imagine a future that is just for me. My parents sacrificed so much to send me here; I still can’t believe they were able to, honestly. All that time I had to sit in that detention center not knowing if I would be able to stay, or if I’d have to go back.” He shook his head as if still hardly believing he’d managed to get out of there. “All I could think was ‘I need to make all this worth it. If I ever get out of here, I will work until I can bring them over, until I can show them I was worth it.’”

I was trying to figure out what words to use to convince Ari that, of course, it had been worth it, when he continued, this time sounding too wise for his years. “Being with Yin, I realize, that aiming for my own happiness made it worth it. We need to have some dreams that are just for us.” He laughed, with his hands up. “I know it is not easy what I am suggesting you do, but don’t cheat yourself out of the happy future you’re fighting for.”

I felt utterly unprepared to really dig into most of what Ari had said, so I went with something to lighten the mood of the conversation. “I don’t think you’re getting much out of this mentoring deal. All you do is give me advice.” Ari grinned knowingly at my attempt to change the subject.

When he finally spoke, he dropped another truth bomb right on top of the others he’d detonated in the last few minutes. “You were never on the hook for all of it, Patrice.” He waved his hand in the empty space between us. “We’re both supposed to be getting something out of this. You learn from me and I learn from you. Reciprocal, that’s how all relationships should be. You’re too hard on yourself. I like to hang out with you because you want me to do well and you take my dreams seriously, even if they may not make total sense to you. That’s all I need.” After that, he stretched and looked over at the kitchen.

“I’ll go make us some tea, and I’ll give you the details about my case so you can tell Easton.” I just nodded woodenly at him while his words were wreaking havoc in my head.

I thought of my mom, and how I had always felt like a burden to her even though she never once made me feel that way. How my father’s absolute disinterest puzzled and humiliated me. How I never felt like I quite gave as much to my friends as they did to me. Then thought of the joy I felt seeing Easton light up with my touch. The ways that the heat in his eyes when he told me how much he wanted me felt like it would burn me. I wondered what it would be like to let down my walls and justown that despite all the reasons why it was complicated to want Easton, I still did.

I’d never know until I did and there was no denying that I desperately wanted to try.

chapter ten

easton

I drove up to my parent’s house in Cayuga Heights and as soon as I got there, I remembered why I hated coming to these parties. There was valet parking, of course. I sighed as I passed the long line of luxury cars parked along the street, because heaven forbid any of these people should walk the four-hundred yards from their cars to my parents’ door.

I noticed the valet was our old housekeeper’s grandson, Martin. I went in for a one-armed hug instead of handing him my keys. “Hey man, making some extra cash for college?”

The kid grinned at me and gave me a back slap as he passed me a ticket. “Yeah man, it’s coming up soon.”

I smiled at his sunny face; he’d always been such a happy kid. “Dude, you’re miles ahead of most high school kids. I didn’t pull in a steady paycheck until it was absolutely necessary,” I said jokingly.

Martin looked at me with a funny expression on his face, like he wasn’t sure what I was talking about. “Dude,you never had to work. Believe me, if I didn’t have to do this, I’d be home playing video games. Besides, you more than make up for it now. Grandma’s always talking about how proud she is of you, how her “baby boy” is out there fighting the good fight.” I’d always loved Alfreda; she’d been good to us. She’d see my mom, sister,and me smarting from whatever scathing comments my father had directed at us, and feed us, or give us an excuse to smile.

“Thanks for saying that, man. Is Alfie in there? I’ll go say hi.” He nodded distractedly and pointed toward the house, already busy taking keys from another customer.

I braced myself as I walked into my parents’ place. It was my grandfather’s eighty-fifth birthday and he’d asked for something with close family. My mother interpreted his request as a themed party with a hundred guests and high-end catering.

I made my way through the crowd, dreading the inevitable clash with my father. I was so not up for the usual passive-aggressive jabs my father used as a way to communicate with his children. I think my mother sided with him just from sheer exhaustion.

I spotted my grandpa hiding in a corner with my sister and smiled as I walked over to them. I was looking forward to seeing my grandpa, though. These days, he had no filter and a hilarious low tolerance for what he called “blue-blood bullshit.” My sister, Emma, I actually enjoyed spending time with. She worked for the family as the winery’s marketing director, but she did not take any crap from my dad anymore. She was brilliant at marketing and had done amazing things for the business since she’d taken over. He needed her, and they both knew it.

I bent down to give my grandfather a hug as soon as I got to them. “Hey, old man. You’re looking fancy.” He was dressed in a burgundy cashmere sweater and slacks. His feet ensconced in the handmade house shoes I’d gotten him for Christmas.

He held on to me for a few seconds longer than usual and let me go with a sigh. “How are you, son? How’s the business of putting bad guys away going?” I smiled at the pride. When I told my family I’d be joining the district attorney’s office after I finished law school, my parents weren’t exactly thrilled. Mygrandpa, on the other hand, thought it was fantastic, and he’d been supportive ever since.

“It’s all right. Some troubles with the sheriff’s department.” My sister, who had been talking to someone else, turned back to us as I said that.

“Hey bro, I was going to text you about that,” she said, leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek. “What’s going on? Looks like every story I see involves a black or Latinx student.” Her expression looked a lot like I felt, tight and unimpressed. “Not a good look. It’s frankly super disturbing, and not a trend I want to see picked up here.”

I shook my head as I pulled back from kissing her. “Believe me, I am not thrilled about any of it, and I’m still not sure how I’m going to deal with it.” I thought about the meeting with Day in the morning and whether that would bear any results. I doubted it. In some ways, I felt like I was infringing, that I shouldn’t interfere, but I also couldn’t just let these stops continue to happen without saying anything. I remembered Patrice’s face when he’d told me about Ari and felt sick to my stomach.

“You don’t look so great, is this getting to you?” She gave me a concerned look and my grandfather looked up from whatever game he was playing on his iPad.

I lifted a shoulder as I made a move to grab a mimosa from a tray one of the servers was passing around. “Of course, I’m worried about it. I’m also frustrated because Cindy wants to be extra cautious about not stepping on toes, and I want to go in guns blazing and tell the sheriff to tell his people to cut it out.”

Emma’s brows furrowed and she moved in to squeeze my shoulder. “You know I love Cindy, and the joy it gives me to have an out and proud District Attorney who is the boss of my brilliant and out and proud big brother?—”

I knew a “but” was coming.

“But, Cindy fought long and hard for that office, I mean she was in the trenches for years.” She frowned, and I could tell sharing this was not easy for her. “I don’t know if she’s going to take up arms for this, too. And someone has to, East. No matter how many good people we have in this town, and we have plenty, problematic things will continue to happen until they are dealt with head on. That’s why you need to think about running for DA. You’re ready and this town needs some shaking up.”

I looked at her for a moment, really looked at her, and felt so much pride in my litter sister, always a truth teller. And because my brain could not help itself, the thought just appeared,she’d get along great with the other truth-teller in my life.

I ruthlessly stamped that shit out of my head and responded to the advice my sister was giving me, even when, at the same time, I felt totally unprepared to take it. The more time that passed without any real action from anyone in town, the more it seemed like it might come down to me. I also had the sinking feeling that my best would not come close to enough.