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I’D STOPPED RUNNING HOURS ago.
I’d kicked off my shoes and socks, torn off my blazer and waistcoat, and let my mind go. I couldn’t fully remember what’d happened or how I’d ended up this far in the forest. I didn’t want to relive how I’d bolted from the gala and now walked barefoot, with pants torn from thorns, and a shirt that was stained and sweaty.
I’d reverted from a man in a tux into a feral creature once again.
But I felt saner in this attire than I had all evening.
Twigs cracked quietly beneath my bare feet as I strolled deeper into the woods. When I’d left the gala, I’d ended up on the road before spying the heavy curtain of trunks and foliage. Their autumn colors had whispered to me, their crinkly, shivery leaves welcoming me as they swallowed me whole. I’d leaped from civilization and back into the wild because I needed some time.
I needed torun.
To find space to breathe.
I hadn’t understood just how cooped up I’d felt at Gemma’s house. It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful to her for sheltering me, feeding me, and paying for every goddamn thing I needed, but I missed this. I missed the open sky, the towering trees, and the absolute acceptance of bark-hushed solitude.
She’ll be worried about you.
I cringed.
I knew that.
Gemma had been nothing but good to me.Toogood. And once again,I was hurting her. But... I couldn’t go back to her until my head was on straight. I didn’t want to worry her anymore. When I returned, I wanted to have reached that level of surrender again—knowing that I could cope with whatever came my way.
If I went back too soon, I might have a nightmare.
I might end up killing her.
I shuddered.
I kept walking.
And I would keep walking until I was better.
Because in reality, the only person who could fix me was...me.
I’d made the choice countless times to be better. But I hadn’t accepted that I would continue to slip and fumble. I’d thought it would be like a switch where I choose to be better, and that was it.
Done.
Cured.
But it didn’t work like that.
It would take time.
But itwouldhappen.
I could feel it within me.
If I’d gone to the gala a few months ago, I would probably still be running. I would probably have killed someone—if not the entire crowd.
So...this is progress.
I was human enough to analyze what I’d done wrong.
One step closer to being healthy, happy...and that was the scariest thing of all. The thing that layered me in guilt because how could I enjoy all the blessings I’d been given when my family was still out there, alone and hurting?