Page 341 of Once Upon a Fable

Panic licked through me, building into an attack. My nostrils flared, inhaling too fast, doing my best not to give in to a blackout that could arrive at any second because she was toomuch. Far, far too much for my pitiful mind to handle.

God, she’d been sohappy.

So free.

She’d had everything I’d always wanted. A family who joked and jested. A sibling who was whole and not scarred. A home that protected and kept her safe at night instead of housed a hundred monsters.

I was jealous.

So fucking jealous.

And I was also horrified.

Horrified that I’d changed her from a giggling, happy woman into one who watched me as if her very life was on the line.

Which it was.

I was so, so close to snapping.

I could feel it.

The looseness of my psyche.

The shadows of my past.

The hissing memories just waiting to snatch me.

She touched me.

I sucked in a tattered groan.

She cupped my cheek and interrupted my chaos, and...

And I couldn’t stop myself.

Grabbing her by the wrist, I spun her around and shoved her against the wall.

She let out a little squeak as I placed my palm on her sternum, keeping her trapped. Her eyes widened, the hazel color swirling with golds and greens, hesitation and wariness but no fear, no hate.

“How do you do it?” I hissed. “How do you look at me like that after everything I’ve done?”

She flinched, locking her fingers around my wrist where my handpinned her against the wall. Licking her lips, she whispered, “Because I see you.”

“But you don’t. You don’t see. You don’t know. Not really.”

“I know enough.”

“But youdon’t.” I bared my teeth. “You don’t understand that it’s fucking killing me knowing you’re not safe around me. That I lie in bed at night, wanting you so damn much, but not knowing how to treat you. I’m terrified that any moment, I’ll snap and hurt you. I’m afraid, Gem. All the goddamn time. I’m afraid because one kiss from you, a single passing touch, and my mind is no longer mine to control. It lets go. It remembers. And when it remembers, I blank.” I added more weight to my hand, driving her harder against the wall. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I feel like I’m going around in circles. I want to keep you, but I can’t. I need you to go, but I honestly don’t know how to say goodbye. But you have to go. You need to leave because I’ve gone and done something really fucking stupid.” I cut myself off, panting hard.

She trembled in my hold, her tongue wetting her bottom lip. “What have you done?” True fear licked through her stare. “What did you do, Kas?”

I slid my hand from her sternum to her throat, closing my fingers around the column of muscle. “Something that I can’t undo. Something that means you can’t stay here anymore.”

She went unnervingly still, highly aware of my fingers locked around her neck. “Kas...”

“I’m not well,” I groaned, part of me loving her sudden wariness and the other part screaming to stop. Two sides of me. Two sides that would forever rule and condemn me. “I think you already know that though, don’t you?” I ran my thumb over her silky skin, seeing faint bruises from the previous times I’d hurt her.

How many marks had I left on her?