Page 304 of Once Upon a Fable

“It wasn’tplannedbecause it didn’thappen,” he snarled. “You honestly think I could fuck you,twice, according to you, and not have a single memory of it? I remembereverything! Every fucking rape and every shitty beating. Just because I choose to keep them buried doesn’t mean I’m not aware.” He stabbed a trembling finger in my face. “You’re lying because if any of what you said was true, I would know. I would hoard that memory instead of swallow it. I wouldlivein that memory. I would replay it over and over again. If I had you,willinglyhad you, I would fall to my knees and never, ever let you go. Do you hear what I’m saying?” He stepped into me, casting me in shadow and trembling confusion. “I’m saying that if you gave me yourself last night and I took you—” He wiped his mouth with a shaky hand. “If I had you and forgot you? Jesus Christ.” He looked at the ceiling before shrugging helplessly. “I can’t handle that. I can’t fucking cope with that.”

Rage filtered through his voice, filling with sharp smoke. “So I’ll tell you again. What you’re saying is a lie. Ithasto be a lie. It has to be because if it’s not, then I might as well carve out my fucking heart and be finished with it because I’m done. Do you hear me? I’m done with this shit. I’m done wanting you, craving you. I’m done with time-skipping and my head throbbing and the damn world never standing still.”

He raked both hands through his hair, backing up as if my presence set fire to him. Molten anger flowed in his stare as he bared his teeth. “I have nothing in my head. Nothing about last night. Nothing but my past that doesn’t give me a goddamn break. Why can I remember that, huh? And not have a shred of recollection about what you say happened?”

He didn’t wait for me to reply. He wasn’t asking me. He was asking himself. Asking the prison inside him that would never let him free.

“I’ll tell you why.” He shook harder, looking as if he’d break apart. “I don’t have any memory because it doesn’t existbecause it didn’t fucking happen!” His voice slipped into a harrowed breath. “It just...can’t.”

Something cracked inside me.

Something fragile and new and far too delicate to be pulverized so early in the morning.

I wanted so much to go wrap my arms around him, but my instincts prickled that I wasn’t safe. He walked the edge of sane and insane. One push in the wrong direction, and I would pay. “It’s okay, Kas. You can choose to trust me, even if you can’t remember right now. Trust what I’m saying is real and—”

“Stop.” Drawing himself up to his full height, his hands balled and eyes etched with anger. Behind his anger lurked emotional carnage. A sacking of his soul as he howled for help, all while incapable of asking for it. “I-I’ve heard enough. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” He shook his head. “Even if what you said was real, how do you expect me to believe that you willingly wanted me?” He paced in front of me, wobbling a little as he turned. “It’s a trick. It has to be.”

“There is no trick.” I kept my voice low, forcing myself not to meet his temper. “Everything I just said was true. Everything we did affected me. It affected you too. And that’s why you can’t accept it. Give your mind a chance to replace what you’ve forgotten. Deep down inside yourself, you know what I’m saying is real. That youfeelsomething for me. That you’re afraid because things are changing between us. They’vealreadychanged—”

“I’m not afraid.”

I smiled sadly, my heart bleeding all over my ribs. “You’re so afraid, you’re willing to deny every incredible thing we experienced. You’re consumed with darkness. You’ve repressed so much evil that it’s killing you. It’s stopping you from living, Kas. It’s stopping you from loving—”

“Careful.” His tone was pure ice. “I’d be very, very careful. I’m hanging on by a thread. Push me any harder, and I won’t be responsiblefor what happens.”

He sounded like the man from a few days ago. The man who’d woken from a concussion with so many facets inside him. A man lost to me, to himself, to any love we might have shared.

Ithurt.

God, it hurt.

I was in love with him.

And he wasn’t ready.

He mightneverbe ready.

And that was the heartbreaking reality of what I’d signed up for.

Nodding once, I swallowed past the thick lump in my throat. I tried one last time to fight forus. “Please, Kas. Stop being such a bastard for one measly second andthink. Just one second, ask yourself why you left last night. Why you headed to that dorm without me after the best sex we’d ever had. You did it to protect me. You knew, didn’t you? You knew you’d forget. You’ve been keeping things from me. Those moments you space...they’re getting worse, aren’t they?”

He scowled, tripping back at my sudden shift in mood. “I already told you—”

“And I told you that this isreal. What I feel is real. What you feel is real. Just search your mind and—”

“If you know anything about me, you already know that’s never going to happen. I just told you, I will never go rifling through my past.”

“In that case, you’re doomed to always be lost and alone.” My chest burst with pain. “The only way you’re ever going to heal, the only way you’re ever going to findhappiness, is if you face what you’ve buried inside you.”

“I’m...I’m tired.” He suddenly stumbled, tripping to the large wingback and falling into it. Cradling his head in his palms, he muttered, “Just stop, Gemma. I need you to stop.”

“All I’m asking is for you to drop your walls,” I murmured. “To see the mess and the magic of what happened between us last night. I’m asking you to do it...for me.”

He stiffened in the chair, his long hair quivering on his shoulders. “Don’t try to twist this. Don’t make it seem as if you care.”

My temper flashed. “You made me care. You made me believe—” I cut myself off, glaring at the carpet, unable to look at him. “You did some awful things last night, Kas, but you were also...kind and sweet, and...I wanted you. I wanted you so damn much.” I dared look up. “I still want you, even while you’re hurting me.”

He sucked in a breath, his eyes meeting mine.