Page 261 of Once Upon a Fable

I wanted good.

I wanted kind.

I wanted safe and sheltered, love and peace.

I wanted things I’d forgotten I could never have. Things that I’d forgotten the meaning of. Things I didn’t fucking deserve.

My eyes burned even as my cock still begged for a release.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to come.

I wanted to rip apart my ribs and throw my fucking heart out the goddamn window.

I dug fingers into my eye sockets, doing my best to erase the images of sex and sadistic pleasure. I could barely breathe, I teetered on a panic attack, yet my cock continued to bob between my legs, continued to frustrate me with need, to ooze with cum that I would never spill.

And suddenly, it was all too much.

I couldn’t contain it.

My body wasn’t strong enough to bottle up such suffering. It was gnawing at me, hissing at me, ripping me into bloody pieces.

Soaring to my feet, I staggered sideways as vertigo threw me off balance. Kicking off the goddamn jeans, I spun to face the wall and drove my fist into the embossed wallpaper. “Fuck!”

I grunted as my knuckles bellowed.

“Fuck you!” I bellowed as I struck again and again. I hurled fist after fist, left and right, pummelling the only thing strong enough to embrace my rage, my agony, my misery. “Fuck all of you!”

Something cracked in my hands.

My arm gave up screaming at me to stop punching a wall with a broken bone. My entire body shut down, giving me the quietness I needed just to strike and strike andstrike.

To smear the wall with my blood and do my best to stem the tears running down my cheeks.

I lost all sense of time.

I gave over every shred of myself, feeding every molecule into my fuckedupness.

I beat that wall until my hands were pulp and the wallpaper hung in tatters by the light switch.

And then...only then...

Only once I gagged on air and sweat dripped off my eyelashes did I spin to face her.

Only once I couldn’t remain standing did my arms fall to my sides and my chin raise, and I forced myself to look at her.

To look at how much I’d failed her.

Failed because I failed at everything. I’d hurt her because that was the only thing I remembered how to do. The only example I had to follow.

I was exhausted.

Done.

I had nothing left.

No evil whispers, no manic delusions, no awful reality.