Page 8 of The Attercop
Chapter Five
The Attercop sat on the floor of his living room leaning against the side of an armchair. He’d spent the last few hours combing through the client notes he had photographed at Michael Colton’s office the night before last. Declan’s problems were copious—fear of rejection, absence of respect for authority and a total lack of self-preservation. He was possibly a functional alcoholic, and also prone to compulsive sexual behaviour. Some of this The Attercop already knew.
He giggled softly.She could have been describing me.
The Attercop began reading a series of notes from eighteen months ago. They concerned Declan’s habit of working out his frustrations on sexual partners at the baths, although always with willing participants. The Attercop stroked himself as he read the confessions of Declan’s escapades at The Greek.
Most interesting to The Attercop were the accounts of Declan’s childhood traumas. There was the death of his mother—Very sad.Then there was his unsympathetic and homophobic father—Well, that sounds familiar.And there was a story of a kid who’d forced Declan out of the closet in his early teens—Got me there. I came out on my very own. It was all horrible, and yet delightfully exciting.
We have so many things in common, you and I.
The Attercop grew bored of reading. He poured himself another vodka and turned his attention to the audio recordings he had copied from Dr Colton’s computer. He cast them to his stereo system so he could surround himself with the husky voiceof Declan Hunt confessing his deepest, darkest secrets. It felt like Declan was telling him everything…personally.
Many of the sessions on tape were the same as the notes he had already read, so The Attercop went back to the computer, looking for something more recent. He selected a session that had happened two months prior to today’s date. Declan’s voice cracked on the recording.
“I didn’t know I could love someone as much as I do Charlie. I guess I never thought I deserved to have someone like him come into my life. And right now, I don’t want anyone else.”
There was a pause.
“I’m sensing that something is bothering you, though,” Dr Colton prompted.
“It’s these dreams I’ve been having lately.”
Oh, dreams! This could be good,The Attercop thought.
“What sorts of dreams?” Dr Colton asked.
“They’re about one of the young guys Mickey hires to help out at the bar. It’s always the same dream. Angel—that’s his name—Angel and I are having sex on the bar. And then Charlie walks in. And then I wake up feeling incredibly guilty.”
Declan stopped talking. The Attercop leaned closer to the speaker.
Maybe he isn’t so in love with Charlie after all.
“So why do you think you feel guilty?” Dr Colton asked.
Declan replied, “It sounds stupid feeling guilty about a dream, but…I don’t want to cheat on Charlie, and I’m afraid that I’ll slip back into my old habits. I don’t want to hurt him just for a quick fuck.”
“So do you think you might actually act on your fantasy?”
Oh, say “Yes”. Please say “Yes”!
“I don’t know.”
“Have you told Charlie about the dream?” Dr Colton asked.
“No.”
“Well, maybe you should.”
“I don’t think he’d like that.”
“Why?” Dr Colton asked. “You don’t think Charlie has ever had fantasies about other men?”
Of course, he has. We all do. Anyone with a cock does, at least.
“That’s not the point,” Declan countered. “How do you think he’d react if I said, ‘Hey, babe, I’ve been dreaming about fucking this hot guy at the bar’?”
“Look,” Dr Colton said, “for the first time in your life you’re navigating the idea of commitment, and it isn’t going to come without bumps along the way. To me, the fact that you’re expressing guilt means that you are transitioning into a new phase in your personal life. If the two of you want to commit to one another, the most important thing is to have clear communication.”
